Category Archives: Pop Culture

Guest Post by Joe Miterko | Being a Ted Head is the Thing to Do in the Messianic Movement

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Melbourne, FL- Rabbi Alan Levine, Rabbi of Congregation of Kol Moshiach in Melbourne, FL recently was basking in the afterglow of a Ted Pearce concert. “As I was growing up, being a Dead Head for The Grateful Dead was the thing to do!” said Levine. “But now with all these changes in the Messianic movement, like Muchan on the Moon, Yeshua-centered amusement parks, and the inception of the Golden ARCH, a wonderful young leadership training program, I’m thinking I regret my days of being a Dead Head and want to move forward for Messiah. The young people need something different, you know? So one day in my office I was thinking ‘…gosh what would millennials like? Ted Pearce? Ted Pearce meets the Grateful Dead?? A Ted Head??? Yeah! Brilliant!!’ That’s how the inception of the concept of Ted-Heads came about!”

Jewish Voice Ministries International President and CEO, Jonathan Bernis even decided to include in his menu at the Yeshualand theme parks the “Ted Head Tater Tots” in addition to the “Adam’s McBeefRib” and “The Big Maccabee.”  He also decided to have Ted Pearce’s Cultural Xchange gear and virtual reality goggles prominently displayed in each Yeshualand location. “Why not fuel that fire that our young people are into it?” says President Bernis.

Not only is this catching fire in Levine’s own congregation and at Yeshualand locations, the rage is spreading. “We want to get Ted to come give us a concert! We love him and think our young people could start a revolution of ‘Ted Heads’ that could spread around the world. Who needs the Grateful Dead anymore?! Bring on the Ted!!” said Rabbi Paul Saal of Shuvah Yisrael in Hartford, CT.  “We need more young people to be Zealous over Zion, you know? Also, they must ‘Awake’ with many shofar blasts!”

UMJC Representative, Abe Melman couldn’t agree more. “The UMJC is going to have Ted come down to give a lecture at the next conference in Chicago about ‘How to be a Mensch While Being a Ted Head.’ He’ll also be teaching ‘Worship Leading with a Smile.’ We couldn’t be more excited.” For more information on Ted and to hear some of his wonderful music, check out http://www.tedpearce.com/.

 

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Meme Contest

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Meme contest!!! Thank you to Margaret Alexander for sharing this glorious picture that is begging to be captioned. Post your best ideas here and the winner’s caption will be posted, along with credit given 🙂

Guest Post by Nathanial Hackett | Harrison Ford Named as Key Note Speaker for Upcoming IAMCS Rabbi’s Conference

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Orlando, FL – In light of the Star Wars craze, Rabbis everywhere are desperate to gain more knowledge or intimately know more about Stars Wars and Rogue One.  So they sought עדַיָ, who they find, through Google, is a character of Star Wars.  While the transliteration was incorrectly spelled “Yoda,” they originally asked for him to speak at the upcoming IAMCS Rabbi’s Conference in Orlando next month.  Finding he was over 900 years old, they felt the trip might be exhaustive, so they sought after the next eldest Jewish Guy, Harrison Ford.

While not Messianic, Harrison Ford said he could understand dying in order to save the galaxy or even just one person, like a son, for example.  He said he is not sure about walking on water, but he has known several Skywalkers, so he thinks his knowledge is broad enough. He is also willing to share many stories and insight to the younger single Rabbis on how to woo young JAPs; Jewish Alderaanian Princesses.  He did warn that a career of smuggling is not the best resume and said, quite frankly, JAPs have big Daddy issues and strange brother sister closeness, and suggested avoiding them, unless they are very rich.

Ford suggested that Star Wars was critical to everyday life, as so many of the younger generations already know.  In honor of the importance of Rogue One, and Star Wars in general, he suggested switching the Manischewitz out for Blue Milk.  He also suggested that all Menorahs replace the candles with miniature lightsabers.  This should draw in young people by the thousands…If not, then you can always try free movie tickets…

 

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Messianic Jewish Rabbinical Council Encouraging Anyone Involved in the Messianic Movement to Convert to PDF

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West Haven, CT – The Messianic Jewish Rabbinical Council issued a statement this week encouraging anyone involved in the Messianic Movement to convert to PDF. The announcement came shortly after the great MJRC Microsoft Word Disaster of ’16, in which Rabbi Stuart Dauermann had one of his files hacked and changed to make it look like he actually has no sense of humor.

The statement was released by MJRC Executive Director, Rabbi Tony Eaton via an e-mail blast. The statement read as such:

“Dear Messianic Jews:

Due to a recent issue in which Rabbi Dr. Stuart Dauermann’s Microsoft Word files were hacked and made to look like he had no sense of humor, we are now encouraging all Messianic Jews and non-Jews to convert to PDF. Converting to PDF is an incredibly important practice to have as part of your life and also shows that you are serious about your commitment to your documents. Converting to PDF makes your documents official, and much less likely to be tampered with, should they fall into the wrong hands. Please take the time to pray about automatically converting all of your documents to PDF, so as to protect your precious documents that are a gift from Adonai. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Rabbi Tony Eaton”

At the advisement of the MJRC, there is expected to be a rise in Messianics converting to PDF, which is previously unheard of within Messianic Judaism. If you’d like more information about the MRJC conversion to PDF process please visit www.ourrabbis.org

 

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New YMJA Director of Operations, Sabra Waldman, Bans ‘Insignificant’ Brands of Hummus From All Future YMJA Functions

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Philadelphia, PA – A big announcement came out of the YMJA Executive Committee meetings in Philadelphia this week, as newly hired Director of Operations, Sabra Waldman, announced a ban on ‘insignificant’ brands of hummus from all future YMJA functions, including, but not limited to Cedar’s, Tribe, Trader Joe’s, and homemade incarnations. This is Waldman’s first major decision as part of the YMJA staff.

“As you probably guessed, Sabra Hummus is named after me,” Waldman explained in an interview. “Believe it or not, the Waldman family does actually own the company. I know that snacks are a huge part of YMJA functions, and as the new Director of Operations, I want to make it very clear that, even though the leadership has recently changed, I am here for every YMJA member and I want to be very actively involved. The best way to do that is to have my name everywhere as a reminder of that. And, yes, Sabra Hummus was recently recalled, due to ‘Listeria.’ We did plan, intentionally, for that to happen around my coming aboard to the YMJA; there’s no such thing as bad publicity.”

YMJA members attending Regional conferences, retreats, ARCH Leadership Summit, and Messiah Conference can expect to find every variety of Sabra Hummus at future functions, in addition to other Sabra brand dips, such as guacamole, Greek yogurt dip, and salsa. Any YMJA member found sneaking in other brands of hummus will be subject to disciplinary action, including and up to eating said contraband without the use of their hands or utensils, via live stream on the YMJA Facebook page, as the crowd looks on. Punishments will also be Snapchatted and Instagrammed.

 

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Jonathan Bernis Elected First Ever President of the Greater Messianic Movement

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Phoenix, AZ – Exciting news out of Phoenix this week as Jonathan Bernis, President and CEO of Jewish Voice Ministries International and Founder of Yeshualand Messianic Jewish Theme Parks, was elected the first ever President of the Greater Messianic Movement. In an effort to better unify the community, a President and Vice President will now preside over all Messianic Organizations, including, but not limited to The MJAA, UMJC, Jews for Jesus, Chosen People Ministries, and Tikkun International.

The votes were cast at the 2016 MLR and the results have finally been tabulated. Due to his neutrality, Jonathan Bernis won in a landslide against The Cleveland Indians, who can’t seem to win much of anything these days. Bernis’ runningmate, Rabbi Matt Rosenberg, the scampy, yet lovable sidekick, will act as Vice President and will take over as President should Bernis not be able to fulfill his duties. While Rosenberg is not technically a neutral party, he is part of the famous Rosenberg Rabbinical Dynasty and also holds the throne as King of the millennials, who seem to be taking over The Movement in droves.

With the new governing positions in place, it will be much easier to make communal decisions, such as an official pronunciation of the word “Adonai,” can we actually have an official ‘Messiahmas’ that does not take place during December?, and how can we better develop a Messianic pop culture scene? Stay tuned as official decisions are made to these questions, and others.

 

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2017 Re-Branding!

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We’ve re-branded for 2017! Special thanks to our friends at Keren Ohr Messianic Synagogue in Savannah, GA for their help: Ellie Caracelo drew our new mascot, Elliot C. Meow (before anybody asks: yes, his family’s original last name was Meowskowitz and it was shortened at Ellis Island) and Rebbetzin Jennifer Caracelo re-designed our logo, as well as our new web site and business cards! Be sure to check it out the new web site! And, just so we’re all on the same page, there is a ride at Yeshualand named after this family: The Jude and Jennifer Carousel-o! 🙂

Havdalah Spice Girls’ Debut Album “Besamim” Rumored to Sync Up Perfectly With the Upcoming Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life

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Murca – The Havdalah Spice Girls recently released their first album “Besamim” and it is already taking off like wildfire within the Messianic community, who was in desperate need of a female pop super group. In a strange world of ‘coincidences’  and happenstance, even Praise and Worship music can have a profound effect on the secular pop culture scene.

Legend has it Pink Floyd’s album “Dark Side of the Moon” syncs up perfectly with the movie The Wizard of Oz, if you time it just right. 22 year old Rebekah Goldstein of Overland Park, KS was lucky enough to have been given a leaked copy of the upcoming Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, which is set to debut on Netflix later this week. “Pop culture is my life,” Rebekah posted on Facebook. “Especially music, which is what my degree is in. I am constantly composing soundtracks to events of my life, TV shows, my friends’ Snapchat stories, etc. As soon as I started watching the new GG season, it immediately reminded me of Besamim. So I started the show over and played Besamim along with it. Sure enough, the two sync up exactly. It was totes cray. Especially when the song ‘Choose This Day Whom You Will Serve’ started playing while Rory was trying to decide between Dean, Jess, and Logan! Like I seriously can’t even right now, you guys.”

Nobody from The Havdalah Spice Girls camp could be reached for comment on whether or not the synchronization was intentional. If you’d like to see for yourself, Goldstein says to start 18 seconds into the track “Fire and wine” as soon as the theme song finishes in the first episode. If you have not yet purchased Besamim, you may do so on iTunes.

 

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Modern Yiddish Fairy Tales: Chicken Soup Little

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Once upon a time there was a little bowl of Chicken Soup with legs named Chicken Soup Little. One day, Chicken Soup Little was sitting on the floor of her kitchen, when a matzah ball rolled off of the counter and onto her little keppe. “The sky is falling!” She cried. “The sky is falling!” And scooted off into the woods to tell The Deli Manager, so he can close up shop.

On the way, she met up with her friend, Henny Youngman Penny. “The sky is falling!” Chicken Soup Little cried. “How do you know?” Asked Henny Youngman Penny. “I was in my kitchen minding my own business, when a piece of the sky fell down and conked me on the keppe!” Chicken Soup Little Explained. “Oh please,” Henny Youngman Penny retorted. “You’re such a shlemazl…things fall on you all the time. What makes you think it’s the sky?” “Well,” Chicken Soup Little replied. “When I consulted The Googles on falling objects it said it was probably the sky falling!!” “Oh no!” Shrieked Henny Youngman Penny!” “If The Googles told you that it must be true!!! We must go tell The Deli Manager!!” And Chicken Soup Little and Henny Youngman Penny scooted off into the woods to tell The Deli Manager.

On the way they ran into Turkey Reuben Shmurkey. “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!” Chicken Soup Little and Henny Youngman Penny screamed. “How do you know?” Asked Turkey Reuben Shmurkey. “A piece of the sky fell on me this morning!” Replied Chicken Soup Little. “Oh please, you’re such a shlemazl…things fall on you all the time!” Turkey Reuben Shmurkey responded. “What makes you think it was the sky?” “I asked The Googles what it could possibly be and it said it was the sky!” Chicken Soup Little yelped. “Oh no!” Yelled Turkey Reuben Shmurkey. “If The Googles says it was the sky then it has to have been the sky! We must go tell The Deli Manager!!” And Chicken Soup Little and Henny Youngman Penny and Turkey Reuben Shmurkey scooted off into the woods to tell The Deli Manager.

On the way they spotted Hoppel Poppel. “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!” Chicken Soup Little, Henny Youngman Penny, and Turkey Reuben Shmurkey screamed. “Whoa whoa slow down. I get that you guys are famisht, but what do you mean the sky is falling?” Asked Hoppel Poppel. “A piece of the sky fell on me this morning!” Exclaimed Chicken Soup Little. “I know it was the sky because The Googles told me it was!” “Oy gevalt en himmel!” Hoppel Poppel bellowed. “If The Googles told you the sky is falling then surely the sky must be falling! Mach shnell! We must go tell The Deli Manager!” And Chicken Soup Little and Henny Youngman Penny and Turkey Reuben Shmurkey and Hoppel Poppel scooted off into the woods to tell The Deli Manager.

On the way they discovered that farkakta Foxy Loxy waiting in the woods. “Hello, shayna punims.” He said, as he pinched each of them on their cheeks. “What brings you all into the woods today?” “The sky is falling!” Chicken Soup Little blurted out. “The sky is falling! A piece of it fell on me this morning. I used The Googles to confirm it was the sky falling! We are on our way to tell The Deli Manager so he can close up shop!” “Oh dear,” said that farkakta Foxy Loxy. “Well, I know a shortcut to get to The Deli Manager. Why don’t you all step into my den and I will show you?”

And Chicken Soup Little and Henny Youngman Penny and Turkey Reuben Shmurkey and Hoppel Poppel all followed that farkakta Foxy Loxy into his den. And, wouldn’t you know, that farkakta Foxy Loxy devoured every single one of them and washed them down with a can of delicious Dr. Brown’s Cel-Ray Soda.

And they were never seen or heard from again.

The end.

 

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Meme Contest

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Caption this: the best comment will be made into a meme, with credit given to the person who came up with the caption. (If you can’t tell, this is a room full of Shofars)

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