Messiah Conference 2019 Livestream to Move to Five Second Delay After Guest Speaker Drops Four Letter Word on Stage

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Grantham, PA  — Messiah Conference 2019 is quickly approaching, with the early bird registration due next month already. After many months of discussion, the MJAA Executive Committee has made the difficult decision to move this year’s livestream to a five second delay, after a series of unfortunate events at the 2018 parley.

“Last year’s conference had some…unexpected incidents that we have never had to deal with before,” MJAA Executive Board Member, Rabbi David Chernoff, explained in a Facebook post, early this morning. “For a number of years now, we have offered a livestream of the conference, for those who are unable to attend. The livestream of Messiah Conference gets anywhere from 50,000 to 100,000 views every year, depending on whether you’re using actual metrics, or just wishful thinking. Last year, we invited the Founder of the Israel Empowerment Lobby, Eli Nacht, to speak on the main stage, and The Ruach moved him to let everyone know what ‘BS’ stands for. But that’s not all: Susan Perlman, from Jews for Jesus, showed everyone her underwear, Rabbi Michael Stepakoff told us about his sex life, with all four of his children on stage behind him, and three of our musicians sang ‘Yahweh’ or ‘Jehovah.’ All of these things, coupled with the fact that we still allow Kevin Solomon to speak in public, means we have no choice but to take precautions to make sure any further instances will not be made public. We do have an image to uphold here. So, if you’d like to continue seeing Messiah Conference live and uncensored, I’m sorry, but you will have to come see it in person this year.”

While this year’s presentation may be restricted for the livestream audience, we have found the secret stash of all the aforementioned videos from last year’s conference. Warning: Parts of Messiah Conference 2018 is Rated R by the Motion Picture Association of Messianic America.

 

 

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We Asked, You Answered: Messianic Judaism’s Favorite Hamantaschen Flavors

In conjunction with Dr. David Matzah of the Messianic Behavior Research Institute in Pennsylvania, The Messianic Meow sent out a survey to Messianic Congregations across the country asking for congregants’ favorite hamantaschen flavors. Now that all the Purim celebrations have concluded, we can share our findings with the public.

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“I can’t get enough of that Gefilte Fish hamantaschen. Sadly, there’s only one bakery, about an hour away, that carries it. Not as good as Bubbe used to make, but I’ll takes what I can gets.” – Morty Greenstock, Temple Aron HaKodesh, Lauderdale Lakes, FL

“Raspberry, blackberry, boysenberry, snozzberry. I’ll take any kind of berry. Except Barry Manilow. Just kidding, Barry; I love you so much!” – Rivkah Silverstein, City of David Messianic Synagogue, Thornhill, ON, CA

“The worst thing is when you think you are about to eat a delicious prune hamantaschen and you take a bite and it’s CHOCOLATE! Who the heck wants to eat a chocolate hamantaschen? Feh!” – Leah Goldenfarb, Devar Emet Messianic Synagogue, Skokie, IL

“I don’t care so much about the filling, as long as it’s non GMO, gluten free, organic, certified Kosher, dairy free, Whole 30, and has added Omega 3s in it.” – Shirley Liebowitz, Beth Emunah Messianic Synagogue, Agoura Hills, CA

“If you’ve never had poppyseed hamantaschen, then you probably care too much about how the darn thing tastes. Look, it’s not about the flavor, it’s about tradition. If you ask me, poppyseed hamantaschen is the only true hamantaschen. It’s in The Bible or something.” – Milton Friedstein, Shuvah Yisrael Messianic Synagogue, Plainview, NY.

“I’ve never met a hamantaschen I didn’t like, but if I had to choose, I’d say it doesn’t really matter, as long as I can dunk it in my cold press coffee.” – Harry Sapperstein, Beit Tikvah Messianic Congregation, Newcastle, WA

“Have you ever had a Nutella hamantaschen? Me neither, but I’d like to try one.” – Rachel Wellman, Tikvat Israel Messianic Synagogue, Richmond, VA

“I only bake my own hamantaschen. I do what any proper Southern Belle would do; I take a bushel of peaches and I marinate them in Coca Cola overnight, and then I soak them in sweet tea. Goes great with a side of sugar.” – Nancy Mendels, Beth Yeshua International, Macon, GA

“I really hope next year they move this holiday a lot further away from Girl Scout Cookie season; I’m trying to watch my figure.” – Debbie Lowman, Son of David Congregation, Silver Spring, MD

“Give me all the flavors. All of them. Every single one.” – Marvin Pinsky, Beth Messiah Congregation, Columbus, OH

 

 

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YMJA President Threatens Messianic Meow with IAMCS Investigation for Mocking Him

Ravi

Tampa, FL — In the wake of the President of the United States threatening Saturday Night Live with a federal investigation for mocking him, the President of the YMJA seems to have followed suit, and is now threatening popular Messianic satire site, The Messianic Meow, with a similar probe. Or as similar as you can get with an organization in such an obscure religion. Even so, one would hope this is just an empty threat, and possibly a cry for attention.

“The Messianic Meow started mocking me over two and half years ago, back when I was just the Treasurer,” said YMJA President, Ravi Goldberg, on a Twitter rant, early this morning. “That article still haunts me, to this day. I can’t get away from it. People ask me about it all the time. And then they laugh. Is that all I am to you people? Am I a clown? Am I?! Okay, maybe don’t answer that just yet. Anyway, I’ll make sure the IAMCS Steering Committee has a go at The Meow. It’s about time someone did…”

Goldberg is up for re-election this July. Some say this may just be a ploy to get his name out there, as it’s unusual for him to post on social media at all, let alone for him to launch into such a public diatribe. But, as they say, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

 

 

 

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