Category Archives: Sports

Brief Half-Page Hanukkah Sermon Miraculously Lasts for Eight-Week Message Series

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Philadelphia, PA – The season of Hanukkah may be long past for most of us, but at Congregation Beth Yeshua in Philadelphia the holiday has lasted far longer. This weekend, Rabbi David Chernoff delivered the final installment of a Hanukkah a message series based on a mere half page of notes that seemed as though it would barely last for a single service.

“It truly is a Hanukkah miracle,” said Rabbi David. “I searched through the Word of God for hours, looking for a new message to give during the Hanukkah service. In the end, I was only able to come up with about half a page of notes. I would have considered myself incredibly blessed if I’d been able to make it last 10 minutes, but here we are eight weeks later and I only reached the end this weekend.

The message started out as a rather typical sermon, focused on dedicating your life to the Lord. But a couple of minutes in, witnesses say, something truly remarkable happened. “Shortly after he started,” recalled long-time congregation member Nate Yesner, “he decided to tell a story about a personal experience that vaguely related to the topic at hand. It seemed like a pretty standard Rabbi David tangent at first –- we usually get one or two of them per service. But then, as he was telling the story, it started reminding him of other aspects he wanted to talk about, which led to another tangent, which led to more new elements to the message. He must have run at least 20 minutes late, and he still hadn’t even gotten to the first point on his notes.”

At the end of the service, the Rabbi promised to conclude the message the following week. However, by the time the next Shabbat arrived he had supplemented the scant half page of initial notes with five full pages of addenda, and it quickly became clear that it would take far more than a single service to wrap things up. By the time the message series finally grew to a close this weekend, the annotations had expanded to more than a dozen pages.

“It really is amazing,” said Rabbi David. “To be perfectly honest, I was pretty much running on empty in terms of message ideas. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do after the Hanukkah message. But God took a tiny amount of material, only enough for a single service, and made it last for eight full services until new message ideas could be produced. Even this past weekend, when it looked like I was going to come up a little short with the remaining Hanukkah material, The Lord provided an Eagles Super Bowl victory that I was able to tie in to fill the rest of the time.”

As for what he expects to do for messages now that the series is finally over, Rabbi David says he has a few ideas. “Once I saw that this message was finally wrapping up I started brainstorming, and I think I’ve got a few viable concepts. For now, though, it’s been a while since I spent a service updating everyone on the status of the new building. After that it’ll be time for a Purim message, and if that goes anything like Hanukkah I can ride it straight into Passover.”

 

 

 

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Ari Waldman Officially Becomes Youngest Rabbi to Be Ari Waldman

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Dallas, TX — Exciting news out of Dallas this weekend, as Rabbi Marty Waldman of Baruch HaShem Messianic Synagogue in Dallas has officially handed the congregation over to his son, Rabbi Ari Waldman. The Junior Waldman, who is now the youngest Congregational Leader in the Messianic Movement, assumed the position this past Saturday, October 14th, coupled with a congregational celebration. The transition has been in the works for quite some time, as Rabbi Marty has been preparing to step back and let his son take over.

“It’s not easy being Ari Waldman,” said Ari Waldman in a mass text message to the other young leaders of the Movement. “Not only do I have my hands full as a Husband and Father, but I am also the South Central Messianic Chief Innovator of Relevance, as well as the head coach of The Dallas Brisket in the Messianic Softball League. Now I am the Senior Rabbi of one of the largest Messianic Congregations in the world, so I probably will never sleep again. It will be like one giant conference that never ends. Because it’s my life and not an actual conference. How will I manage to do it all? Well, I will continue to rely on Yeshua and Whataburger to help me.”

Out of support for her younger brother, Waldman’s sister, Sabra, made sure to comment to us, “Don’t write about me in The Meow!”

We certainly wish a big mazel tov to the new Senior Rabbi! If you’d like to hear Rabbi Ari’s sermons and are unable to make it to their services, you can catch their livestreams and archives at http://baruchhashemsynagogue.org

 

 

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Local Jewish Couple Accidentally Buys Gym Membership From the YMJA

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Ft. Lauderdale, FL – A South Florida couple has accidentally purchased a gym membership from the Young Messianic Jewish Alliance of America. While searching for local YMCAs in their area, the couple accidentally stumbled upon the YMJA website.

The couple claims that after going onto the YMJA website, they were immediately drawn to choosing this location as their new gym, because of the effective marketing campaign put in place by the YMJA.

Sandy Rosenplaza had this to say on the matter: “The entire YMJA website was filled with slogans talking about ‘challenging young people’ and ‘getting involved, excited, and revived,’ which really caught our attention initially.” However, Sandy’s husband, Harold, claims that, “What really sealed the deal was the one-time only down payment of just $10.00 for a year-long membership!”

The YMJA, on the other hand, had a very interesting perspective on the mix up. A spokesperson for the YMJA claims that this is how the real story went: “The Rosenplazas reached out to us and inquired about our workout plans, and we told them that the YMJA and MJAA are always looking for opportunities to sit down with the greater Jewish community to work out our theological differences! However, we were a little confused as to why they were so adamant about paying us $10.00 for a membership, when they are clearly past the age of 30…”

 

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Jonathan Bernis Elected First Ever President of the Greater Messianic Movement

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Phoenix, AZ – Exciting news out of Phoenix this week as Jonathan Bernis, President and CEO of Jewish Voice Ministries International and Founder of Yeshualand Messianic Jewish Theme Parks, was elected the first ever President of the Greater Messianic Movement. In an effort to better unify the community, a President and Vice President will now preside over all Messianic Organizations, including, but not limited to The MJAA, UMJC, Jews for Jesus, Chosen People Ministries, and Tikkun International.

The votes were cast at the 2016 MLR and the results have finally been tabulated. Due to his neutrality, Jonathan Bernis won in a landslide against The Cleveland Indians, who can’t seem to win much of anything these days. Bernis’ runningmate, Rabbi Matt Rosenberg, the scampy, yet lovable sidekick, will act as Vice President and will take over as President should Bernis not be able to fulfill his duties. While Rosenberg is not technically a neutral party, he is part of the famous Rosenberg Rabbinical Dynasty and also holds the throne as King of the millennials, who seem to be taking over The Movement in droves.

With the new governing positions in place, it will be much easier to make communal decisions, such as an official pronunciation of the word “Adonai,” can we actually have an official ‘Messiahmas’ that does not take place during December?, and how can we better develop a Messianic pop culture scene? Stay tuned as official decisions are made to these questions, and others.

 

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2017 Re-Branding!

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We’ve re-branded for 2017! Special thanks to our friends at Keren Ohr Messianic Synagogue in Savannah, GA for their help: Ellie Caracelo drew our new mascot, Elliot C. Meow (before anybody asks: yes, his family’s original last name was Meowskowitz and it was shortened at Ellis Island) and Rebbetzin Jennifer Caracelo re-designed our logo, as well as our new web site and business cards! Be sure to check it out the new web site! And, just so we’re all on the same page, there is a ride at Yeshualand named after this family: The Jude and Jennifer Carousel-o! 🙂

Survey

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Please take a few minutes to fill out this survey about The Meow and let us know what you think so far. Your responses are very important to the future of The Messianic Meow. Thank you!

Summer Long Cross Organizational Overnight Camp For Messianic Youth Coming Soon

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Murca – Breaking news today, announced by The Messianic Times: An all summer long Messianic youth summer camp is coming soon. The new camp will be a joint effort between the UMJC, MJAA, Jews for Jesus, and Chosen People Ministries. Rather than send your child one week here or one week there, finally all Messianic children will be able to attend camp together, and not just for one or two weeks at a time.

The camp will be called Camp Hitlakdut, which is Hebrew for “cohesion” and will be available to campers ages 8-15, with the junior counselor program starting at 16. The four largest Messianic Jewish organizations came together and purchased nearly 400 acres of land in Pennsylvania and hope to have the camp up and running by Summer 2018. Camp Hitlakdut will be nine weeks long and will include two five week sessions that overlap one week in the middle. Each session will include four weeks of camp activities plus The YMJA conference for campers ages 13 and up. Campers under 13 will enjoy a week of daily field trips during that time. Parents can choose to send to children to one or both sessions, with a discount for attending both, as well as for sending multiple children.

Hitlakdut will draw from activities and traditions from Camp Gilgal, Camp Kesher, and Camp Or L’Dor, with new activities and traditions that every Messianic child can make together with this new program. Activities will include weekly Erev and Shacharit Shabbat services, Havdalah, and Hebrew and Israeli Dance classes, in addition to regular camp activities, such as boating, swimming, and finding your first relationship.

“Basically all of the camp directors got together and realized we could do a lot more than what we’re doing if we just pool our resources,” Former Camp Gilgal Director, Moose Garrett, explained in an interview. “We not only have the staffing to make a nine week camp happen, but between all the organizations, we actually had enough money to purchase our own property. It just makes sense. There are so many Messianic youth, we may as well just send them all together. If we want to unify the Messianic movement, the best way to do that is to teach them while they’re young. Plus, honestly, the matchmaking is a lot easier when they don’t have a lot of life experience.”

Camp Hitlakdut will cost more than the previous existing Messianic summer camps that were only 1-2 weeks each, but plenty of scholarships will be available, and, with their own property, Hitlakdut will be able to rent out their facilities to other groups throughout the year to offset some of the costs. Early bird registration should be open by the end of 2017, so start saving your Shekels now; their goal is to have 500 children registered to attend the first summer.

Support The Meow!

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Dear fans of The Messianic Meow:
I first want to tell you how grateful I am for the support you have all shown me throughout the last three months. When I started this, I had absolutely no idea what to expect, and certainly did not think I would have 630 page likes this early on or that The Messianic Times would be publishing my articles.
I published the first Messianic Meow article on July 25th. On July 29th I found out my position at work had been eliminated. My first thought was “Is this a sign I’m just supposed to be focusing on The Meow?” I’ve been praying about it for three months and have finally decided to jump off the cliff and do this full time. The thing is, I need your help.
Doing The Meow full time means I can continue making funnies, because I don’t have to worry about working 40+ hours a week at a job I hate or continue looking for a job I hate when nothing is working out. This means I have time to use more of my ideas than just satire articles, including, but not limited to writing Purim spiels and other holiday plays that I can offer to congregations at no cost to them/you. This also means I’m available for speaking engagements. Has your congregation or conference ever had a Messianic comedian before?
I figured it out…if every single one of my Facebook fans is able to give just $10 a month, I’ll be in really good shape. At that point I would probably be able to pay people who submit articles as well.
I know what you’re thinking…great, someone else is asking me to donate money. But ask yourself this…do you enjoy The Messianic Meow? Does it make you laugh? Does it make you smile, chuckle, chortle, or guffaw? Do you like that there is a piece of pop culture that belongs solely to Messianics?
Please pray about supporting The Meow. I have set monthly amounts on the web site below, but those are just examples and you may type in any amount to donate, whether it’s $1 a month or $40 a month or $5,000,000 a month. Just follow the below link and click on the red “Become a patron” button near the top right corner of the page.
Prayers and sharing this post help me as well.
Again, thank you so much for your continued support.
Love, Meow.
www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Messianic Moon Colony Will Send Teams to the 2024 Olympics; Hopes to Host One Day

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Murca – The new Messianic Moon Colony, which was just announced publicly yesterday, is now saying they will have enough athletes to participate in the 2024 Summer Olympics and hope to host, themselves, one day. In light of the recent announcement, the colony seems very ambitious on what the future holds for them.

“We already know we have athletes that can compete in equestrian, weightlifting, water polo, softball, and surfing,” said colony representative Rabbi David Chernoff. “We’re going to just start with a few sports, and, as our colony gains momentum, we can start training kids when they’re young for various sports and eventually we’ll throw our yarmulkes in the ring to host someday. We certainly have plenty of acreage that we can build an arena on.”

The Moon colony will likely be competing against Israel in certain Olympic events, but they see it as a chance to get to know the Israeli athletes, start a relationship, and introduce them to Yeshua. They are also hoping that eating will one day be an Olympic sport; one they can truly excel at.