Category Archives: Adlers

The 12 Most Influential Messianics Under 12

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The Messianic Meow has compiled a list of the 12 most influential Messianics in America, who have yet to become old enough to be called to The Torah, yet are on pace to change the Messianic movement as we know it. In no particular order, here they are:

1) Eliana Wisenthal (4), Temple New Jerusalem, Dunedin, FL – At the ripe age of four years old, Eliana is already designing world class roller coasters with a velocity higher than the future Yeshualand location on The Moon. Eliana scored so well on Jewish Voice’s Predictive Index test, that President Bernis has already signed a contract with her to be Yeshualand’s primary roller coaster designer, in addition to writing her in as the sole beneficiary of his will.

2)  Elyana Salzberg (10), Ahavat Zion, Santa Monica, CA – Though she has already hit double digits and is no spring chicken, Elyana Salzberg has finally baked the world’s largest challah, that is said to be able to feed the entire population of Montana. The single loaf of bread measures 47 cubits long and weighs 180lbs.

3)  Ellyana Granneman (9), Brit Ahm, Pensacola, FL – Ellyana Granneman is the first person in the history of Messianic Judaism to invent a new form of Davidic Dancing that combines both dancing and eating at the same time, proving to be truly Jewish. Ellyana also choreographed Marty Goetz’s Broadway musical, “They Tried To Kill Us, We Won, Let’s Eat” and she is expected to win a Tony Award for her choreography…and we ain’t lai-in’!

4)  David Ruthstein (7), Keren Ohr, Savannah, GA – At just seven years old, David Ruthstein holds the world record for the longest Tekiah Gedolah. David is able to hold out the note on the shofar for a full 17 minutes. David was instrumental in orchestrating the upcoming Yeshualand Philharmonic that will be performing at the grand opening of both the Arizona and Seattle locations. David can also be found blowing his shofar at inappropriate times, such as outside, during a hurricane.

5)  David Benafuchi (6), Adat HaTikvah, Deerfield, IL – David Benafuchi is a boy genius and can chant the entire Torah, from memory. On top of this, he can also do hagbah one handed. Come to think of it, David’s parents have yet to produce his birth certificate, so he may possibly just be a very small adult. That would also explain the full grown beard.

6)  Elliana Rosenplaza (6), Beth Messiah, Cincinnati, OH – Six year old Elliana Rosenplaza is the youngest Shadchen in the movement. Though she is currently missing four of her teeth, she has already arranged nine marriages, three of which are already expecting their first children. Baby, you’re the greatest!

7)  David Sanders (8), Mayim Chayim, Daphne, AL – David Sanders attends a synagogue in Alabama. Mazel tov, David!

8)  David Orbach (11), Lev HaShem, Las Vegas, NV – Though his voice hasn’t even changed yet, David Orbach is the first official Messianic Mohel. David will be traveling the country performing Brit Milot upon request. He’s great about not getting too snippy about last minute ceremonies.

9)  Eliana Hernandez (2), Restoration, Seattle, WA – Baby Eliana isn’t such a baby anymore. Though she technically isn’t even potty trained, Eliana is near complete on writing her first Kosher Whole 30 cook book. Her creativity is delicious!

10) Eliana Cohen (5), Kol Mashiach, Melbourne, FL – Eliana Cohen, our little negotiator, who was able to talk The Rosen into lowering conference prices even more than they already were. Eliana is well on her way to being the youngest conference junkie ever and  she’s not even in Kindergarten yet. And they say you can’t teach children to haggle.

11) Noah Adler (9), Tree of Life, San Diego, CA – Noah Adler can garden with the best of them. Noah commutes between San Diego and Israel every week to plant trees for Bar Mitzvah boys and Bat Mitzvah girls. Adler says he hopes to eventually branch out beyond Bar and Bat Mitzvah gifts.

12) Eliana Lavin (11), Baruch HaShem, Dallas, TX – Eliana Lavin is busy in Texas raising pigs to chew cud, so that they can be considered Kosher animals. And by Kosher, of course we mean Biblically Kosher, AKA “Messianic Kosher.”

Keep an eye out for these youngsters; soon they will be the ones arguing with each other over trivial things that only hinder the Messianic movement from progressing, rather than building God’s kingdom, like it should be!

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

2017 Re-Branding!

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We’ve re-branded for 2017! Special thanks to our friends at Keren Ohr Messianic Synagogue in Savannah, GA for their help: Ellie Caracelo drew our new mascot, Elliot C. Meow (before anybody asks: yes, his family’s original last name was Meowskowitz and it was shortened at Ellis Island) and Rebbetzin Jennifer Caracelo re-designed our logo, as well as our new web site and business cards! Be sure to check it out the new web site! And, just so we’re all on the same page, there is a ride at Yeshualand named after this family: The Jude and Jennifer Carousel-o! 🙂

Survey

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Please take a few minutes to fill out this survey about The Meow and let us know what you think so far. Your responses are very important to the future of The Messianic Meow. Thank you!

Support The Meow!

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Dear fans of The Messianic Meow:
I first want to tell you how grateful I am for the support you have all shown me throughout the last three months. When I started this, I had absolutely no idea what to expect, and certainly did not think I would have 630 page likes this early on or that The Messianic Times would be publishing my articles.
I published the first Messianic Meow article on July 25th. On July 29th I found out my position at work had been eliminated. My first thought was “Is this a sign I’m just supposed to be focusing on The Meow?” I’ve been praying about it for three months and have finally decided to jump off the cliff and do this full time. The thing is, I need your help.
Doing The Meow full time means I can continue making funnies, because I don’t have to worry about working 40+ hours a week at a job I hate or continue looking for a job I hate when nothing is working out. This means I have time to use more of my ideas than just satire articles, including, but not limited to writing Purim spiels and other holiday plays that I can offer to congregations at no cost to them/you. This also means I’m available for speaking engagements. Has your congregation or conference ever had a Messianic comedian before?
I figured it out…if every single one of my Facebook fans is able to give just $10 a month, I’ll be in really good shape. At that point I would probably be able to pay people who submit articles as well.
I know what you’re thinking…great, someone else is asking me to donate money. But ask yourself this…do you enjoy The Messianic Meow? Does it make you laugh? Does it make you smile, chuckle, chortle, or guffaw? Do you like that there is a piece of pop culture that belongs solely to Messianics?
Please pray about supporting The Meow. I have set monthly amounts on the web site below, but those are just examples and you may type in any amount to donate, whether it’s $1 a month or $40 a month or $5,000,000 a month. Just follow the below link and click on the red “Become a patron” button near the top right corner of the page.
Prayers and sharing this post help me as well.
Again, thank you so much for your continued support.
Love, Meow.
www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Greater Messianic Community Asks That Everyone Please Change Their Last Name to Adler

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Murca – The greater Messianic community has issued a statement sent to all Messianic congregations in America asking that everyone who identifies as Messianic please change their last name to Adler. Representatives from all major Messianic organizations came together this week to discuss the future of Messianic Judaism and how we can greater impact the world. A decision was made that we need to be set apart from everyone else and the best way to do that is to unite with a common last name so that everyone knows we are together. A study put out by the MJAA and the UMJC has shown that the most common last name in Messianic Judaism is Adler; more Messianics either already have the last name, Adler, or are related to someone who does. Choosing Adler as the common last name means less people will have to change their name.

“Yeah I’m part of the Adler clan, but not everyone realizes that, because my last name is Walters,” stated Messianic community member Joshua Isaac Walters. “It’s really hard to go to a Messianic conference and pull the ‘Do you know who I am?’ card when my last name isn’t even recognized as being Messianic. And my Father-in-law is a Messianic Rabbi, but he has a different last name entirely. It’s just hard, sometimes, to be taken seriously in this movement when you’re not a Chernoff or a Rosenberg or an Adler. I agree with this decision 100%.”

While not a requirement to be Messianic, going through life with the same last name as all your Messianic mishpocha will certainly make things easier. And as Yeshua said, “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have the same last name.” Or something like that.

 

 

***Rabbi Jeff Adler suffered a heart attack this past May and is working hard to recover. Please consider donating to help him with his medical bills and expenses gofundme.com/rabbijeff

Beth Messiah Cincinnati to Hold First Ever Gluten Free Tashlikh Service

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Cincinnati, OH – Beth Messiah Messianic Synagogue will be holding the first ever official Gluten Free Tashlikh service this year. Tashlikh, the ceremony of using pieces of bread to cast your sins into a body of water, is performed either on Rosh Hashanah or between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Typically congregations will head immediately after the Shacharit (morning) service on Rosh Hashanah to a nearby body of water and perform this ceremony as a group. Bread is supplied, usually leaving out those who can’t or choose not to have gluten.

“We want to make sure we’re catering to everyone’s dietary restrictions,” says Youth Director, Danielah Blackburn, “but we also want to make sure we’re staying on top of trends. Right now, there is nothing trendier than being Gluten Free. Having a Gluten Free Tashlikh service will kill both of those birds with one roll. Normally our Tashlikh service is full of gluten, but now we have two options, so nobody will feel crumby if they can’t touch gluten. Our bodies actually absorb 60 percent of what our skin touches, so anyone with Celiac Disease can’t actually cast their sins away using regular bread. And that’s not fair; people with Celiac Disease should also get a chance to be inscribed in The Book of Life.”

The new Gluten Free Tashlikh service will be held on Monday, October 2, 2016 at 3pm, immediately following the Rosh Hashanah Shacharit service. Blackburn, who is Gluten Free herself, hopes other congregations will follow suit in the future, as Celiac Disease and wheat allergies are so prevalent in Jewish heritage. The new services give Beth Messiah a leg up on fresh ideas, rather than ideas that have been sitting around, never used, and have gone stale. If you would like to participate the Gluten Free service, please talk to Danielah for more information.