Category Archives: Jonathan Bernis

Guest Post by Joe Miterko | Being a Ted Head is the Thing to Do in the Messianic Movement

Posted on by

3344324

Melbourne, FL- Rabbi Alan Levine, Rabbi of Congregation of Kol Moshiach in Melbourne, FL recently was basking in the afterglow of a Ted Pearce concert. “As I was growing up, being a Dead Head for The Grateful Dead was the thing to do!” said Levine. “But now with all these changes in the Messianic movement, like Muchan on the Moon, Yeshua-centered amusement parks, and the inception of the Golden ARCH, a wonderful young leadership training program, I’m thinking I regret my days of being a Dead Head and want to move forward for Messiah. The young people need something different, you know? So one day in my office I was thinking ‘…gosh what would millennials like? Ted Pearce? Ted Pearce meets the Grateful Dead?? A Ted Head??? Yeah! Brilliant!!’ That’s how the inception of the concept of Ted-Heads came about!”

Jewish Voice Ministries International President and CEO, Jonathan Bernis even decided to include in his menu at the Yeshualand theme parks the “Ted Head Tater Tots” in addition to the “Adam’s McBeefRib” and “The Big Maccabee.”  He also decided to have Ted Pearce’s Cultural Xchange gear and virtual reality goggles prominently displayed in each Yeshualand location. “Why not fuel that fire that our young people are into it?” says President Bernis.

Not only is this catching fire in Levine’s own congregation and at Yeshualand locations, the rage is spreading. “We want to get Ted to come give us a concert! We love him and think our young people could start a revolution of ‘Ted Heads’ that could spread around the world. Who needs the Grateful Dead anymore?! Bring on the Ted!!” said Rabbi Paul Saal of Shuvah Yisrael in Hartford, CT.  “We need more young people to be Zealous over Zion, you know? Also, they must ‘Awake’ with many shofar blasts!”

UMJC Representative, Abe Melman couldn’t agree more. “The UMJC is going to have Ted come down to give a lecture at the next conference in Chicago about ‘How to be a Mensch While Being a Ted Head.’ He’ll also be teaching ‘Worship Leading with a Smile.’ We couldn’t be more excited.” For more information on Ted and to hear some of his wonderful music, check out http://www.tedpearce.com/.

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Guest Post by Joe Miterko | Joel Chernoff and Paul Wilbur Announce New Messianic Band That’ll Knock Your Shofars Off

Posted on by

joelpaul

Orlando, FL- The famed Joel Chernoff, who penned such classics as “Baruch Adonai,” “Jew and Gentile,” “The Sacrifice Lamb,” and many more, hit the Messianic Music Scene back in a huge way this past week.

“I decided to team up with Paul Wilbur and make a new band called ‘Tamb,’” said Chernoff, at the MJAA Southeast Regional Conference, this past weekend. “It’ll be like my previous project ‘Lamb’ with Rick Coghill and Ted Pearce, only a bit different. Both Paul and I were deeply moved by the roaring sound of the jingling tambourines at the Messiah Conference this past summer during our sets, so I came over to him and asked, ‘Hey Paul, we both were crying because of those tambourines in our sets at Messiah, why don’t we actually collaborate on a new Messianic music project together? We’ve never done one, so how bout it?’ He got very excited and was all in after I presented the idea! I’m so excited!!”

Tamb is already starting to write some new material, such as “Shake Your Tambs, All You People,” “I Will Keep the Beat With My Brothers,” and “Blow a Trumpet in Zion, Not Grantham, PA.” “Our goal is to get the movement excited about creative expression as much as possible,” commented Wilbur at the same SE Regional Conference.  “We want to hear some great Shouts of Joy about this new project!”

The first album plans to drop in early 2017 and will be sponsored by Jonathan Bernis’ new Yeshualand theme parks.  To find out more about Joel visit https://joelchernoff.wordpress.com/ and Paul visit https://www.wilburministries.com/. To learn more about Jonathan Bernis and Jewish Voice Ministries International, visit http://www.jewishvoice.org/.

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Independent Messianic Congregation With Own Building Denounced By the Greater Messianic Community

Posted on by

synagoguebuilding

Portland, OR – The greater Messianic community has officially denounced Congregation Kol Echad Shtayim Shalosh of Portland, Oregon after it popped up out of nowhere with its own building, and refused to become a member of The UMJC, MJAA, Chosen People, or Tikkun International.

President Bernis called an emergency meeting, via Google Hangout, to discuss the, most likely, Satanic congregation. A vote was taken and passed unanimously that the Greater Messianic Movement wants nothing to do with this congregation, despite its faithful Torah observance, spirit-filled worship services, gourmet onegs, and a Jewish population of 75%.

Rabbi Morrie Iceberg, of Kol Echad Shtayim Shalosh explained, “We were sent an e-mail from President Bernis’ Executive Assistant asking where we came from, who sent us, and what we want. I’m not quite sure what the problem is here. There isn’t much of a Messianic Jewish presence in Portland and we had a building donated to us. We are a flourishing congregation of around 150 adults and 40 children. We just don’t feel the need to join an organization when we are doing fine on our own, and we prefer to stay neutral. We don’t want to get involved in any of that drama, and yet drama has still somehow found us. Really, we just want to worship The Lord and fellowship together. Apparently that’s not good enough for the rest of the movement. Why can’t they just leave well enough alone?”

Clearly this congregation is up to no good. We can only hope the obvious wolf in sheep’s clothing keeps its hands to itself. Vice President Rosenberg is being sent into the trenches to check out this atrocity, as he is so close in proximity. Godspeed, Vice President Rosenberg; may the force be with you.

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Jonathan Bernis Elected First Ever President of the Greater Messianic Movement

Posted on by

jbern

Phoenix, AZ – Exciting news out of Phoenix this week as Jonathan Bernis, President and CEO of Jewish Voice Ministries International and Founder of Yeshualand Messianic Jewish Theme Parks, was elected the first ever President of the Greater Messianic Movement. In an effort to better unify the community, a President and Vice President will now preside over all Messianic Organizations, including, but not limited to The MJAA, UMJC, Jews for Jesus, Chosen People Ministries, and Tikkun International.

The votes were cast at the 2016 MLR and the results have finally been tabulated. Due to his neutrality, Jonathan Bernis won in a landslide against The Cleveland Indians, who can’t seem to win much of anything these days. Bernis’ runningmate, Rabbi Matt Rosenberg, the scampy, yet lovable sidekick, will act as Vice President and will take over as President should Bernis not be able to fulfill his duties. While Rosenberg is not technically a neutral party, he is part of the famous Rosenberg Rabbinical Dynasty and also holds the throne as King of the millennials, who seem to be taking over The Movement in droves.

With the new governing positions in place, it will be much easier to make communal decisions, such as an official pronunciation of the word “Adonai,” can we actually have an official ‘Messiahmas’ that does not take place during December?, and how can we better develop a Messianic pop culture scene? Stay tuned as official decisions are made to these questions, and others.

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

2017 Re-Branding!

Posted on by

elliottcmeow

We’ve re-branded for 2017! Special thanks to our friends at Keren Ohr Messianic Synagogue in Savannah, GA for their help: Ellie Caracelo drew our new mascot, Elliot C. Meow (before anybody asks: yes, his family’s original last name was Meowskowitz and it was shortened at Ellis Island) and Rebbetzin Jennifer Caracelo re-designed our logo, as well as our new web site and business cards! Be sure to check it out the new web site! And, just so we’re all on the same page, there is a ride at Yeshualand named after this family: The Jude and Jennifer Carousel-o! 🙂

Disaster Befalls MLR as Everyone Agrees on Where to Eat Lunch

Posted on by

mlr16

Phoenix, AZ – Breaking news from the 9th Messianic Leadership Roundtable, as disaster has come upon the annual Rabbi’s conference in Phoenix. Early yesterday afternoon the Earth shook as every single attendee of MLR agreed on where to have lunch, without so much as one complaint or argument. What would normally be a four hour discussion, followed by everyone going their separate ways, became the first ever unanimous decision in the history of Messianic Judaism. For an agreeance to be related to food was even more out of the ordinary.

It was Rabbi Jacob Rosenberg, of the Chicago Rosenbergs, who pointed out that there was a brand new location of the ever popular Lou Malnati’s Chicago style deep dish pizza that had recently opened in Phoenix, and suggested that lunch be held there. The motion was seconded by Ari Hauben of Chosen People Ministries and thirded by Jonathan Bernis, himself, who mentioned that Yeshualand Arizona had not yet opened, so they may as well eat in a restaurant. The suggestion was met with not a single nay, especially after it was brought up that Lou Malnati’s offers poultry sausage as a topping ingredient, and when else are biblically Kosher keeping Jews able to eat sausage pizza?

Sadly, Lou Malnati’s was not able to accommodate a walk-in party of 350 people, which was met with the usual hangry groans and complaints as everyone now had to go back to square one and choose somewhere else to have lunch. This is, unfortunately the second time this week the MLR attendees had to deal with tragedy, the first being the cancelation of Rabbi Eric Tokajer’s flight to Phoenix, and his ultimately missing the entire conference. Thankfully there will be another chance to come together for next year’s MLR, and as they say, L’shana haba’ah b’Kenya.

 

Support The Meow: patreon.com/messianicmeow

Survey

Posted on by

Jewish cat

Please take a few minutes to fill out this survey about The Meow and let us know what you think so far. Your responses are very important to the future of The Messianic Meow. Thank you!

Support The Meow!

Posted on by

unknown

Dear fans of The Messianic Meow:
I first want to tell you how grateful I am for the support you have all shown me throughout the last three months. When I started this, I had absolutely no idea what to expect, and certainly did not think I would have 630 page likes this early on or that The Messianic Times would be publishing my articles.
I published the first Messianic Meow article on July 25th. On July 29th I found out my position at work had been eliminated. My first thought was “Is this a sign I’m just supposed to be focusing on The Meow?” I’ve been praying about it for three months and have finally decided to jump off the cliff and do this full time. The thing is, I need your help.
Doing The Meow full time means I can continue making funnies, because I don’t have to worry about working 40+ hours a week at a job I hate or continue looking for a job I hate when nothing is working out. This means I have time to use more of my ideas than just satire articles, including, but not limited to writing Purim spiels and other holiday plays that I can offer to congregations at no cost to them/you. This also means I’m available for speaking engagements. Has your congregation or conference ever had a Messianic comedian before?
I figured it out…if every single one of my Facebook fans is able to give just $10 a month, I’ll be in really good shape. At that point I would probably be able to pay people who submit articles as well.
I know what you’re thinking…great, someone else is asking me to donate money. But ask yourself this…do you enjoy The Messianic Meow? Does it make you laugh? Does it make you smile, chuckle, chortle, or guffaw? Do you like that there is a piece of pop culture that belongs solely to Messianics?
Please pray about supporting The Meow. I have set monthly amounts on the web site below, but those are just examples and you may type in any amount to donate, whether it’s $1 a month or $40 a month or $5,000,000 a month. Just follow the below link and click on the red “Become a patron” button near the top right corner of the page.
Prayers and sharing this post help me as well.
Again, thank you so much for your continued support.
Love, Meow.
www.patreon.com/messianicmeow