Category Archives: Chernoffs

Members Struggle To Fill Prayer Times After Synagogue Purchases New Building

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Philadelphia, PA – This past weekend, in Philadelphia, members of Congregation Beth Yeshua listened, in shock, as Rabbi David Chernoff revealed that the synagogue’s long search for a new building has finally reached an end. It was an announcement over 20 years in the making, and one many had come to suspect would never arrive. However, the mood among the congregation was far more anxious than one might expect, and after the service stunned members expressed a mix of excitement and deep concern.

“Obviously, I’m thrilled that we finally have a new building,” said long-time member Helen Wilson. “We’ve been looking for over two decades, and we’ve needed it for at least that long. That being said, praying for a new building has been a major cornerstone of my prayer time throughout this search. Over 20 years of habit is going to be hard to break, and I have no idea what I’m going to fill that time with.”

Many others in the congregation voiced similar issues. “I’ve literally been praying for the new building since I was a kid,” said former YMJA President Jonathan Salkind. “I barely even remember a time when I wasn’t setting aside a big chunk of my quiet time to focus on it. Not to mention my wife and I have been raising our daughters to always pray that we’d get a new building; what are we supposed to tell them to pray about now?”

In an effort to ease troubled members’ concerns, Rabbi David assured the congregation that there was still plenty to pray for. “We still need to sell our current building,” he said, making sure to maintain a soothing tone of voice so as not to further agitate the crowd. “We’ve also been having difficulty getting settlement on the other property we bought a few years back. Plus, while it doesn’t look like zoning will be an issue, we’re going to need to do some substantial construction on the new building before we can move in. Believe me, there’s still plenty to pray about.” Nonetheless, many of those in attendance weren’t entirely convinced.

“Sure,” said Ken Fischer, “Technically we’ve still got stuff to pray for. But, I mean, selling property? Construction going smoothly? I can wring maybe five minutes out of that. What about the other 25 minutes I was devoting to the new building each day? How do they expect me to reach the full hour per day of prayer that the Rabbi’s been drilling into us for all these years if my biggest subject just vanishes?”

Reached for comment, Office Manager, John Rose, suggested several possible topics of building-related prayers. In addition to reiterating the Rabbi’s points, he suggested praying for other Messianic congregations in need of buildings, including Adat HaTikvah near Chicago and Shuvah Yisrael on Long Island. But members shrugged that suggestion off as well. “Most of my prayer time for the building has been pressing in for God’s will on various properties I’ve seen in the area that seemed perfect for us,” said Josh Collis. “How can I do that for a congregation in a place I’ve never been to?”

However, not everyone at Beth Yeshua is dismayed by the sudden lack of prayer material. In fact, dance leader, Tatiana Pulido, said that the announcement has taken her prayer life to a whole new level. “Are you kidding me?!” she asked incredulously. “Now that we have the property, I can finally stop praying about the building and focus on what really matters. I’ve got a very clear vision for our new dance floor, and believe me, I’m going to make sure both God and the office staff hear about it every single day until my prayers are answered.”

 

 

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Guest Post by Rabbi Stuart Dauermann | MJAA Discovers Joel Osteen’s Name Really Joel Ostein And He is Jewish!

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David and Joel Chernoff and the entire leadership of the MJAA-ROI is ecstatic to announce the discovery that Joel Osteen is really a Jew named Joel Ostein.

He will be speaking at next year’s Messiah Conference on the subject, “Shekels From Yeshua: Riches from the Ruach.”

When recently interviewed by MJAA President, Rabbi Larry Feldman, Ostein, who now goes by the name ‘Yoel,’ affirmed his Jewish roots. “Yes, I always sensed I was Jewish. At our church, whenever we took an offering, I felt an anointing fall upon me. After all, we all know how good our people are with money!” At that, Ostein smiled and the glare from his teeth caused six people nearby to have an out of the body experience.

Ostein’s wife, Victoria also feels sure she is Jewish, and is now longer going by Victoria, but rather Nitzachonia. “Yes, I feel Jewish too,” she said. In fact, I have contacted the Crouch family so I might use the wigs Jan left behind when she ascended to the Kavod of Adonai. Now that I have discovered my Jewish roots, I need a sheitel so I can be a modest wife for my husband, rabbi Yoel.”

Ostein is delighted with his newfound niche.  “I am proud to be a genuine Jew,” he said. “So much so that I am having each of my jets outfitted with tzit tzit hanging from the wings.”

Final arrangements are also being made to change his congregation’s name from Lakewoood Church to K’nisiyah Etz HaYam.  “It will take some getting used to,” Ostein admits, “but Nitzchona and I are going to work hard at bringing along the mishpocka.”

Ostein is still learning how to pronounce Hebrw terms. But for the time being, mishpocha will have to be mishpocka. “Look,” he said, “It took us eight months to get from Joel to Yo’el. Give us time.”

He again flashed the smile, causing three nearby cars to collide. Explaining the phenomenon he added, “Look, the joy of The Lord is my strength. But for some people, I guess it’s just too strong!”

 

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Guest Post by Joe Miterko | Joel Chernoff and Paul Wilbur Announce New Messianic Band That’ll Knock Your Shofars Off

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Orlando, FL- The famed Joel Chernoff, who penned such classics as “Baruch Adonai,” “Jew and Gentile,” “The Sacrifice Lamb,” and many more, hit the Messianic Music Scene back in a huge way this past week.

“I decided to team up with Paul Wilbur and make a new band called ‘Tamb,’” said Chernoff, at the MJAA Southeast Regional Conference, this past weekend. “It’ll be like my previous project ‘Lamb’ with Rick Coghill and Ted Pearce, only a bit different. Both Paul and I were deeply moved by the roaring sound of the jingling tambourines at the Messiah Conference this past summer during our sets, so I came over to him and asked, ‘Hey Paul, we both were crying because of those tambourines in our sets at Messiah, why don’t we actually collaborate on a new Messianic music project together? We’ve never done one, so how bout it?’ He got very excited and was all in after I presented the idea! I’m so excited!!”

Tamb is already starting to write some new material, such as “Shake Your Tambs, All You People,” “I Will Keep the Beat With My Brothers,” and “Blow a Trumpet in Zion, Not Grantham, PA.” “Our goal is to get the movement excited about creative expression as much as possible,” commented Wilbur at the same SE Regional Conference.  “We want to hear some great Shouts of Joy about this new project!”

The first album plans to drop in early 2017 and will be sponsored by Jonathan Bernis’ new Yeshualand theme parks.  To find out more about Joel visit https://joelchernoff.wordpress.com/ and Paul visit https://www.wilburministries.com/. To learn more about Jonathan Bernis and Jewish Voice Ministries International, visit http://www.jewishvoice.org/.

 

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2017 Re-Branding!

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We’ve re-branded for 2017! Special thanks to our friends at Keren Ohr Messianic Synagogue in Savannah, GA for their help: Ellie Caracelo drew our new mascot, Elliot C. Meow (before anybody asks: yes, his family’s original last name was Meowskowitz and it was shortened at Ellis Island) and Rebbetzin Jennifer Caracelo re-designed our logo, as well as our new web site and business cards! Be sure to check it out the new web site! And, just so we’re all on the same page, there is a ride at Yeshualand named after this family: The Jude and Jennifer Carousel-o! 🙂

Guest Post by Rabbi Eric Tokajer | Messianic Music Under Attack

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In an attempt to diminish the growing popularity of the Messianic Movement and stop the increasing influence of Messianic Movement within the believing world, a new provision has been injected into U.S. copyright law. This provision makes it illegal to use the word ‘lai’ or any derivatives, such as ‘lai lai’ or ‘lai la lai lai lai’ in any songs.

This action has, for all intents and purposes, made it impossible to write any new Messianic Music. When asked for responses, Joel Chernoff of Lamb responded, “We will not take this lai’ing down.” Ted Pearce, when asked about this new law, held his fingers in his ears alternately saying, “I can’t hear you lai lai lai lai”. Paul Wilbur, possibly the best known Messianic recording artist, stated emphatically, “These are the days of Elijah, and praying for the return of Yeshua when the wolf will lai down with the lamb.”

 

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Havdalah Spice Girls’ Debut Album “Besamim” Rumored to Sync Up Perfectly With the Upcoming Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life

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Murca – The Havdalah Spice Girls recently released their first album “Besamim” and it is already taking off like wildfire within the Messianic community, who was in desperate need of a female pop super group. In a strange world of ‘coincidences’  and happenstance, even Praise and Worship music can have a profound effect on the secular pop culture scene.

Legend has it Pink Floyd’s album “Dark Side of the Moon” syncs up perfectly with the movie The Wizard of Oz, if you time it just right. 22 year old Rebekah Goldstein of Overland Park, KS was lucky enough to have been given a leaked copy of the upcoming Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, which is set to debut on Netflix later this week. “Pop culture is my life,” Rebekah posted on Facebook. “Especially music, which is what my degree is in. I am constantly composing soundtracks to events of my life, TV shows, my friends’ Snapchat stories, etc. As soon as I started watching the new GG season, it immediately reminded me of Besamim. So I started the show over and played Besamim along with it. Sure enough, the two sync up exactly. It was totes cray. Especially when the song ‘Choose This Day Whom You Will Serve’ started playing while Rory was trying to decide between Dean, Jess, and Logan! Like I seriously can’t even right now, you guys.”

Nobody from The Havdalah Spice Girls camp could be reached for comment on whether or not the synchronization was intentional. If you’d like to see for yourself, Goldstein says to start 18 seconds into the track “Fire and wine” as soon as the theme song finishes in the first episode. If you have not yet purchased Besamim, you may do so on iTunes.

 

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Survey

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Please take a few minutes to fill out this survey about The Meow and let us know what you think so far. Your responses are very important to the future of The Messianic Meow. Thank you!

Joel Chernoff’s “Jew and Gentile” Deemed Culturally, Historically, and/or Aesthetically Important by Library of Congress…

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Washington DC – Joel Chernoff’s iconic song “Jew and Gentile” has been deemed culturally, historically, and/or aesthetically important by the Library of Congress. This is the first time in history any Messianic anything has achieved such an accomplishment.

The Librarian of Congress was quoted as saying, “Ya know, in a time where this country hasn’t been more divided politically since the Civil War, it’s nice to hear songs about people from different backgrounds: Jews and Gentiles, Democrats and Republicans—-coming together, in unity, to make olive oil.”

Various opinions from those on the selecting committee praised how the song’s lyrics so accurately described contemporary American viewpoints regarding the upcoming election.

Harold Rosenplaza, head of the committee, stated, “Specifically, the lyrics ‘Help us Father’ and ‘Dadadee dadadoo, dadadai dadadee, dadoododo’ brought me to tears as I was lighting my Sabbath candles.”

Joel Chernoff has not yet commented on this prestigious award. However, his secretary did mention that he was so honored about receiving the award that he now feels called back to music and has even begun production on two new albums: a collaboration album with Ted Pearce slated to be titled “Jew and Gentile” (in honor of the acclaimed song) and a joyous club zinger called “Dance With Me.”

Congrats Joel!

Support The Meow!

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Dear fans of The Messianic Meow:
I first want to tell you how grateful I am for the support you have all shown me throughout the last three months. When I started this, I had absolutely no idea what to expect, and certainly did not think I would have 630 page likes this early on or that The Messianic Times would be publishing my articles.
I published the first Messianic Meow article on July 25th. On July 29th I found out my position at work had been eliminated. My first thought was “Is this a sign I’m just supposed to be focusing on The Meow?” I’ve been praying about it for three months and have finally decided to jump off the cliff and do this full time. The thing is, I need your help.
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Who Was Beth Messiah and Why Are So Many Messianic Congregations Named After Her?

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Born Beth Hallel in 1922 in Brooklyn, New York, to Russian-Jewish Immigrants turned Vaudeville performers, Keren Ohr and Hillel Hallel, Beth Messiah was raised in a one bedroom apartment with nine siblings. Though her life started with humble beginnings, she would go on to become someone who is often hailed as “The Chuck Norris of Messianic Judaism.”

Beth Messiah led an epic life with events that ranged from leading Joel Chernoff’s parents to The Lord, to riding the Loch Ness Monster barebacked, to jump roping across the United States in a matter of three days, to planting what is now the largest Messianic Congregation in the world.

Beth Messiah met her husband, Walter Messiah, while grooming rabid bears in Alaska and the two would later head the committee to unify the MJAA and the UMJC. Sadly, they did not succeed, but the effort was still there.

Beth Messiah passed away in 1989 after being eaten by a bear, but her legacy lives on in the names of countless Messianic congregations throughout the United States. Baruch Dayan HaEmet. Rest in peace, Beth Messiah. We couldn’t bear to not let your memory be for a blessing.