Category Archives: Reader Submissions

Support The Meow!

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Dear fans of The Messianic Meow:
I first want to tell you how grateful I am for the support you have all shown me throughout the last three months. When I started this, I had absolutely no idea what to expect, and certainly did not think I would have 630 page likes this early on or that The Messianic Times would be publishing my articles.
I published the first Messianic Meow article on July 25th. On July 29th I found out my position at work had been eliminated. My first thought was “Is this a sign I’m just supposed to be focusing on The Meow?” I’ve been praying about it for three months and have finally decided to jump off the cliff and do this full time. The thing is, I need your help.
Doing The Meow full time means I can continue making funnies, because I don’t have to worry about working 40+ hours a week at a job I hate or continue looking for a job I hate when nothing is working out. This means I have time to use more of my ideas than just satire articles, including, but not limited to writing Purim spiels and other holiday plays that I can offer to congregations at no cost to them/you. This also means I’m available for speaking engagements. Has your congregation or conference ever had a Messianic comedian before?
I figured it out…if every single one of my Facebook fans is able to give just $10 a month, I’ll be in really good shape. At that point I would probably be able to pay people who submit articles as well.
I know what you’re thinking…great, someone else is asking me to donate money. But ask yourself this…do you enjoy The Messianic Meow? Does it make you laugh? Does it make you smile, chuckle, chortle, or guffaw? Do you like that there is a piece of pop culture that belongs solely to Messianics?
Please pray about supporting The Meow. I have set monthly amounts on the web site below, but those are just examples and you may type in any amount to donate, whether it’s $1 a month or $40 a month or $5,000,000 a month. Just follow the below link and click on the red “Become a patron” button near the top right corner of the page.
Prayers and sharing this post help me as well.
Again, thank you so much for your continued support.
Love, Meow.
www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Guest Post by Rabbi Dr. Stuart Dauermann | Back to the Future, and It *IS* a Shock!

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Dr. Emmett Brown and Marty McFly of “Back to the Future” fame are currently recuperating at an undisclosed location from what they term “mega future shock.”  It seems that Brown and McFly, in their most recent adventure, visited a combined MJAA/UMJC Conference in New America city, Bernisopolis, “in the mid-distant future.” Brown said they were stunned to discover something for which no one could have been adequately prepared.

“They were all Jews!” screamed McFly, still unable to digest what he had seen. “All of them, except for some intermarrieds; they were all Jews!” At this point he became so agitated his nurse had to increase the sedatives in his drip.

Brown continued, “We never expected to encounter such a movement in crisis. The problem is that many Jews are coming to believe in Yeshua, and the movement just can’t turn them away. Everyone is getting disoriented!”

In their excursion into the future, Brown and McFly talked with Tambourina Fruma Lopez-MacGillicuddy, who is leading a protest movement, “G.U.B.G.O.D.” “Give Us Back the Good Old Days,” which insists on amending the constitutions of the Union and the Alliance to have an 85 percent Gentile, 15 percent Jewish demographic balance, “like the good old days.”

Speaking to reporters at a recent protest, she put aside her bullhorn, shouting over the crowd noises of blowing shofars and Paul Wilbur V recordings,  “I mean, O.K., for a long time we’ve known it’s the Messianic Jewish Alliance, and the Union of Messianic Jewish Congregations, but let’s get real here!  Everyone knew that what we meant by Jewish was Jewish-style. But this is ridiculous!  We’re overrun with Jews, and the attendance at our Davidic dance classes is disappearing!”

Asked if they plan to have a press conference giving further details, Brown and McFly wouldn’t say. “We’re sick of heart, and really confused. Now we’ve told you. But beyond this, it would be too dangerous to say more.”

We here at the Messianic Meow will keep you posted of further developments as, and if, they become known to us.

Now Accepting Reader Submissions

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Please follow all rules or your article will not be accepted, no matter how good it is.

  1. I am only accepting article submissions. Please do not submit any memes to me; I will not post them.
  2. Your article must be Messianic themed. Yes, I do occasionally post articles or memes that are Christian or Secular Jewish, but I will not take submissions that fall under either of those categories, so as to keep The Meow Messianic themed.
  3. Please no bashing of anyone or anything. All of my articles are written out of love and I never want to offend anyone.
  4. Please do not write about or include inside jokes that only your group of friends or people in your congregation will understand. A lot of people read The Meow. We want to make as many people laugh/relate to this as possible.
  5. Please keep your headlines short and to the point. The main point of the article should be included within your headline. Most people only read the headlines and not the articles. We want to make sure they are amused too.
  6. Please make sure your articles are believable. Part of the reason satire is funny is because the articles could be real. If they are too far-fetched to actually happen, they are too far-fetched for The Meow. I want people to look at our articles and say “I thought this was real until I saw who wrote it.”
  7. I have a right to reject or edit any article. If I need to edit your article for grammar or other purposes I will send you the revised version and get your approval before I post it. Please do not be offended if your article does not get chosen or if I need to edit it; I have a very specific style I am looking for.
  8. Please submit your articles and the name you would like to be published under to messianicmeow@gmail.com I will not take submissions from anywhere else.

 

Please note, while I would love to pay people for their articles, that is just not possible at this time.

Haftorah? Hoff-Torah!

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“Hassel-Hoff-Torah” by Rabbi Jacob Rosenberg. Available now in Bay-Area-Watch Congregations!