Category Archives: People of Messianic Judaism

The Messianic Meow in The Messianic Times

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The Messianic Meow is featured in the November/December issue of The Messianic Times! Here’s a sneak peak 🙂

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Support The Meow!

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Dear fans of The Messianic Meow:
I first want to tell you how grateful I am for the support you have all shown me throughout the last three months. When I started this, I had absolutely no idea what to expect, and certainly did not think I would have 630 page likes this early on or that The Messianic Times would be publishing my articles.
I published the first Messianic Meow article on July 25th. On July 29th I found out my position at work had been eliminated. My first thought was “Is this a sign I’m just supposed to be focusing on The Meow?” I’ve been praying about it for three months and have finally decided to jump off the cliff and do this full time. The thing is, I need your help.
Doing The Meow full time means I can continue making funnies, because I don’t have to worry about working 40+ hours a week at a job I hate or continue looking for a job I hate when nothing is working out. This means I have time to use more of my ideas than just satire articles, including, but not limited to writing Purim spiels and other holiday plays that I can offer to congregations at no cost to them/you. This also means I’m available for speaking engagements. Has your congregation or conference ever had a Messianic comedian before?
I figured it out…if every single one of my Facebook fans is able to give just $10 a month, I’ll be in really good shape. At that point I would probably be able to pay people who submit articles as well.
I know what you’re thinking…great, someone else is asking me to donate money. But ask yourself this…do you enjoy The Messianic Meow? Does it make you laugh? Does it make you smile, chuckle, chortle, or guffaw? Do you like that there is a piece of pop culture that belongs solely to Messianics?
Please pray about supporting The Meow. I have set monthly amounts on the web site below, but those are just examples and you may type in any amount to donate, whether it’s $1 a month or $40 a month or $5,000,000 a month. Just follow the below link and click on the red “Become a patron” button near the top right corner of the page.
Prayers and sharing this post help me as well.
Again, thank you so much for your continued support.
Love, Meow.
www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

UMJC Votes to Consider Gentiles Human Beings

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Los Angeles, CA – In a strange turn of events this week, The Union of Messianic Jewish Congregations called forth an emergency meeting to vote once and for all on an important subject matter than has plagued the Messianic movement since the beginning of time: are Gentiles actually human beings or did they, in fact, descend from monsters, as our ancestors foretold?

“You know what? I’m real sick of the way Gentiles are treated in this movement!” Said former UMJC President, Rabbi Kirk Gliebe. “They only get half of a vote in the MJAA and no vote whatsoever in the YMJA. They can’t even work on the front lines of Jews for Jesus unless they’re married to a Jewish person. The UMJC is better than that! The MJAA doesn’t have to acknowledge Gentiles as humans, but we have to be the ones to set the example. We have to be a light. Monsters are people, too.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more,” Rabbi Rich Nichol added. “Monsters have every bit of right to be here as real Jewish human beings do. Let’s stop making them drink out of separate Kiddish cups and remove the Monster mechitzas we all have in our congregations and let them be discriminated against by secular Jews and Christians for being part of the Messianic movement, like the rest of us! We’re all in this together and most of them actually work harder and contribute more to the Messianic movement than us Jews do. One of them even changed my flat tire last week so I didn’t have to call AAA!”

The vote to consider Gentiles human beings passed almost unanimously and Rich Nichol helped celebrate the victory by playing a jazz flute solo he called “The Monsters Won’t Hurt Me Because They’re on My Side.” Now we hope and pray the other organizations in the movement will read Ephesians 2:11-22 and just let everyone play together in the sandbox, as God intended. Unity is the answer. No wonder there are so many issues in the movement.

Haftorah? Hoff-Torah!

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“Hassel-Hoff-Torah” by Rabbi Jacob Rosenberg. Available now in Bay-Area-Watch Congregations!

Miri in the Village Admits to Once Having Smoked Potstickers

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Raleigh, NC – Popular Messianic DIY and Kosher food blogger, Miri in the Village, admitted this week she once smoked potstickers when she was first starting to cook. Miri is now considered the Messianic Martha Stewart, but once upon a time, even Martha Stewart had to start from the beginning. Miri is not exempt from once having been a beginner, though most people don’t make an error that gets so much media attention.

“I was young and naive,” Miri stated in an interview early yesterday morning. “It was just an experiment that not only went wrong, but now haunts my entire career and my life. I swear it was a one time thing and I would never do it again. I’ve learned my lesson: it’s okay to smoke the meat inside of potstickers, but it’s not okay to smoke potstickers themselves. I now only fry or steam them. And I make a lot of Kosher Asian food these days. You can visit my web site for some recipes, none of which involve smoking potstickers.”

Miri’s Father-in-Law, a Messianic Rabbi who chose to remain nameless, was heard to say: “Smoke potstickers?! No Grandbaby Mama of mine would ever do such a thing. I’ve never heard of this woman in my life. Oh, you’re talking about food? Okay, yeah, I know her. Her food is wonderful.”

Here, at The Messianic Meow, we think Miri has recited The Al Chet enough times in her life to atone for this mistake and she has been forgiven. For awesome Kosher recipes and DIY projects please visit www.miriinthevillage.com

Who Was Beth Messiah and Why Are So Many Messianic Congregations Named After Her?

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Born Beth Hallel in 1922 in Brooklyn, New York, to Russian-Jewish Immigrants turned Vaudeville performers, Keren Ohr and Hillel Hallel, Beth Messiah was raised in a one bedroom apartment with nine siblings. Though her life started with humble beginnings, she would go on to become someone who is often hailed as “The Chuck Norris of Messianic Judaism.”

Beth Messiah led an epic life with events that ranged from leading Joel Chernoff’s parents to The Lord, to riding the Loch Ness Monster barebacked, to jump roping across the United States in a matter of three days, to planting what is now the largest Messianic Congregation in the world.

Beth Messiah met her husband, Walter Messiah, while grooming rabid bears in Alaska and the two would later head the committee to unify the MJAA and the UMJC. Sadly, they did not succeed, but the effort was still there.

Beth Messiah passed away in 1989 after being eaten by a bear, but her legacy lives on in the names of countless Messianic congregations throughout the United States. Baruch Dayan HaEmet. Rest in peace, Beth Messiah. We couldn’t bear to not let your memory be for a blessing.

Azee the Clown Terrorizes School Children With Shouts of Encouragement

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Toronto, ON – It’s a strange time for clowns in the English speaking part of the world right now. More and more “creepy clown sightings” have been reported, as people across the globe are showing up in public places dressed as clowns and brandishing weapons, in an attempt to frighten the locals. While this is meant to be some elaborate prank, most likely leading up to Halloween, what is actually happening is that real clowns are being given a bad rap. Soon they may no longer be able to entertain children, as they may only associate clowns with being scary, as opposed to being whimsical, as they were intended to be.

Popular Messianic clown, Azee the Clown, is one of the good clowns affected by the recent shenanigans. “We’re living in a time where clowns are even less respected than police officers right now,” said Aaron Zaretsky, Azee’s alter ego. “I want to show children that clowns are still their friends, so I’ve been going to schools during recess and shouting things like ‘Jesus loves you!’ and ‘You can be anything you want when you grow up!’ I know it’s working, because every child I’ve come into contact with has run away screaming with joy. I’ve made them all so happy. That’s how you know you’re making a difference.”

Azee leads the organization, Touching Hearts Ministry, and appears at Messianic gatherings, such as Messiah Conference and Jews for Jesus Ingathering, where he uses clowning techniques to teach The Gospel to children. For more information about Azee’s ministry, please visit www.touchingheartsministry.ca

Rabbi Jason Sobel to Host New Mini Reality Series “My Super Sweet Celebrity Sukkah”

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Los Angeles, CA – MTV announced this week it would be airing a new mini reality series called “My Super Sweet Celebrity Sukkah,” in conjunction with the Jewish holiday of Sukkot. Sukkot is also known as The Feast of Tabernacles and many Jews build temporary booths in their backyards to represent the dwellings the Israelites slept in during their 40 year journey through the desert after the Exodus from slavery in Egypt.

The new show will be hosted by Rabbi Jason Sobel of Ruach L.A. and will be a seven part mini series that will air every night between October 16th and October 22nd on MTV and the MTV app. The series will be a half hour long and will feature two celebrity sukkahs per episode, as well as color commentary by Shae Wilbur of EXTRA. The show will be reminiscent of the defunct TV show MTV Cribs where celebrities gave tours of their mansions.

“The latest trend in Hollywood right now is for celebrities to build elaborate Sukkahs in their backyards, even if they’re not Jewish,” Sobel explained. “I want to believe it’s because there are so many Jewish people involved in Hollywood, but I really think it’s just because they think it’s trendy. Probably mostly because it was started by Madonna and Paris Hilton. Even so, it’s drawing attention to an important biblical holiday, and if we can use a trend to educate the public on Sukkot, then it’s still a win.”

The series was filmed during Sukkot in 2015 and will bring us to the backyards of homes of Madonna, Paris Hilton, Justin Bieber, Jerry Seinfeld, Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, and Jimmy Fallon, among others. You can watch My Super Sweet Celebrity Sukkah starting this Sunday night on both MTV and The Ruach LA web site. You will lulav it.

Stuart Dauermann to Fast From Sarcasm for Yom Kippur

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Los Angeles, CA – Rabbi Stuart Dauermann announced this week he is planning to fast from sarcasm, in addition to food, for Yom Kippur this year. Yom Kippur, also known as The Day of Atonement, is one of the two holiest days on the Hebrew calendar, along with the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashanah. On Yom Kippur, Jews are commanded not to work, and fast from food and other pleasurable things, in order to atone for their sins. While a lot of Jews derive most of their earthly pleasures from food, others feel the same way about other things as well.

“When you fast from food on Yom Kippur every single year, sometimes it feels like it’s not enough,” said Dauermann in a YouTube video announcement. “The only thing I love more than food is my caustic wit, so fasting from sarcasm seemed like both the most logical and the hardest thing to do. Fasting is not supposed to be easy or routine. We’re atoning for our sins and we are to give up what we love in order to do so. Just as Jesus gave up being Jewish in order to start Christianity…or DID HE??? You’ll have to listen to my podcast, Toward a More Jewish Jesus, in order to find out!!”

Rabbi Dauermann is known throughout the Messianic community for his knowledge, his sarcasm, and the praise and worship songs he has written, that include lines like “I knew Jesus before he was a gentile.” We certainly wish him luck on cutting sarcasm out of his life for approximately 25 hours. Upon hearing the news of his upcoming fast, the trees of the field all clapped their hands.

Jamie H. of MIQEDEM Starts New Band “Chadash Kedem”

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Tel Aviv, Israel – The ever talented Christian Israeli musician, Jamie H., announced this week he was starting a new band. Jamie., who is currently head of the Israeli band MIQEDEM, has previously been the music director of King of Kings Community in Jerusalem, and the head of previous bands, “Jamie H. and the Band From the Land,” and “Min Ha’Maayan,” among others. The new band, “Chadash Kedem,” which roughly translates to “New Old,” will debut after the upcoming high holidays at a concert at Israel’s only Messianic Kibbutz, Yad Hashmona.

“Nothing’s wrong with MIQEDEM,” said Jamie, in a recent interview. “We’re still going very strong. I just like to make sure I change the name of my band every year or two. Chadash Kedem will still have the same members as MIQEDEM and we’ll still be playing the same songs you love, from our debut album, as well as songs I’ve written for previous bands that were almost the same as this band. It’s a new band, but it’s also the same. But it’s not the same, it’s new. You’ll see.”

Chadash Kedem also features musician, Shai Sol, who rose to fame in the Messianic community by appearing on Israel’s most popular televised singing competition “HaKochav Haba” (The Next Star) and publicly telling the judges of her belief in Yeshua, during her audition. Chadash Kedem will include all the musicians and songs from MIQEDEM. Their music can be heard here.