Azee the Clown Terrorizes School Children With Shouts of Encouragement

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Toronto, ON – It’s a strange time for clowns in the English speaking part of the world right now. More and more “creepy clown sightings” have been reported, as people across the globe are showing up in public places dressed as clowns and brandishing weapons, in an attempt to frighten the locals. While this is meant to be some elaborate prank, most likely leading up to Halloween, what is actually happening is that real clowns are being given a bad rap. Soon they may no longer be able to entertain children, as they may only associate clowns with being scary, as opposed to being whimsical, as they were intended to be.

Popular Messianic clown, Azee the Clown, is one of the good clowns affected by the recent shenanigans. “We’re living in a time where clowns are even less respected than police officers right now,” said Aaron Zaretsky, Azee’s alter ego. “I want to show children that clowns are still their friends, so I’ve been going to schools during recess and shouting things like ‘Jesus loves you!’ and ‘You can be anything you want when you grow up!’ I know it’s working, because every child I’ve come into contact with has run away screaming with joy. I’ve made them all so happy. That’s how you know you’re making a difference.”

Azee leads the organization, Touching Hearts Ministry, and appears at Messianic gatherings, such as Messiah Conference and Jews for Jesus Ingathering, where he uses clowning techniques to teach The Gospel to children. For more information about Azee’s ministry, please visit www.touchingheartsministry.ca

If the Al Chet Were Written in 2016

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So every year on Yom Kippur we recite a prayer called the Al Chet, which is a prayer of confession that helps us atone for our sins for the previous year. The Al Chet was written a long time ago and a lot has changed since then. Here’s what I think the Al Chet might read like if it were written in 2016 (feel free to add your own):

•For the sin we have sinned before You by verbally abusing Siri.
•For the sin we have sinned before You by abusing hashtags.
•For the sin we have sinned before You by Snapchatting pictures and videos of people who are sleeping.
•For the sin we have sinned before You by taking first world problems seriously.
•For the sin we have sinned before You by the times we couldn’t even.
•For the sin we have sinned before You by not labeling our food porn.
•For the sin we have sinned before You by putting a “D” in front of the word “awwww.”
•For the sin we have sinned before you by sarcastically thanking Obama when something went wrong that wasn’t his fault.
•For the sin we have sinned before You by using the term “on fleek.”
•For the sin we have sinned before You by asking our restaurant server to list every single salad dressing they have and then just ordering Ranch.
•For the sin we have sinned before You by eating Ranch dressing.
•For the sin we have sinned before You by Facebook stalking our ex’s current significant other, even though we are much better looking and yellow is so not her color.

Ve-al kulam, Elo’ah selichot, selach lanu, mechal lanu, kaper lanu.
For all these, God of pardon, pardon us, forgive us, atone for us.

Rabbi Jason Sobel to Host New Mini Reality Series “My Super Sweet Celebrity Sukkah”

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Los Angeles, CA – MTV announced this week it would be airing a new mini reality series called “My Super Sweet Celebrity Sukkah,” in conjunction with the Jewish holiday of Sukkot. Sukkot is also known as The Feast of Tabernacles and many Jews build temporary booths in their backyards to represent the dwellings the Israelites slept in during their 40 year journey through the desert after the Exodus from slavery in Egypt.

The new show will be hosted by Rabbi Jason Sobel of Ruach L.A. and will be a seven part mini series that will air every night between October 16th and October 22nd on MTV and the MTV app. The series will be a half hour long and will feature two celebrity sukkahs per episode, as well as color commentary by Shae Wilbur of EXTRA. The show will be reminiscent of the defunct TV show MTV Cribs where celebrities gave tours of their mansions.

“The latest trend in Hollywood right now is for celebrities to build elaborate Sukkahs in their backyards, even if they’re not Jewish,” Sobel explained. “I want to believe it’s because there are so many Jewish people involved in Hollywood, but I really think it’s just because they think it’s trendy. Probably mostly because it was started by Madonna and Paris Hilton. Even so, it’s drawing attention to an important biblical holiday, and if we can use a trend to educate the public on Sukkot, then it’s still a win.”

The series was filmed during Sukkot in 2015 and will bring us to the backyards of homes of Madonna, Paris Hilton, Justin Bieber, Jerry Seinfeld, Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, and Jimmy Fallon, among others. You can watch My Super Sweet Celebrity Sukkah starting this Sunday night on both MTV and The Ruach LA web site. You will lulav it.

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L’shana Tovah

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L’shana tovah! The Messianic Meow will be taking a break during The Days of Awe, but I hope everyone has a sweet new year and a meaningful fast. I’ll catch you all when the post Yom Kippur food coma has set in. 🙂

Donald Trump Endorses Year Round Consumption of Round Challah

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New York City, NY – Presidential candidate, Donald Trump, discovered round challah this week while walking through Brooklyn. Challah, a traditional ceremonial Jewish bread, is braided and only formed in a circle for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year, as a symbol of the continuing cycle of the years and seasons. While anyone baking challah can choose to form it in a circle at any point, it is only found in bakeries and stores in a round shape during the high holidays.

“I love the Jews,” Donald stated in an interview. “All my kids are dating or married to Jews. One of my kids IS a Jew! And I love their bread; I could just eat that all day. But I saw it round this week, like a bowling ball. In fact, I used it as a bowling ball. Why don’t they do this all year? They should really do this all year. We’ll do CH-allah bowling in the White House bowling alley. I’m going to have my servants make me round CH-allah every day for the rest of my life. I love bread. And Jews. Jew bread.”

Trump then went on and on about how he loves Jews and plans to build a wall around all Jewish communities in America to 1) Keep them safe from harm 2) Make them feel like they’re in Jerusalem 3) Keep them from mingling with everyone else. When asked how big the walls would be, Trump simply replied, “They’re gonna be ‘UGE.”

Stuart Dauermann to Fast From Sarcasm for Yom Kippur

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Los Angeles, CA – Rabbi Stuart Dauermann announced this week he is planning to fast from sarcasm, in addition to food, for Yom Kippur this year. Yom Kippur, also known as The Day of Atonement, is one of the two holiest days on the Hebrew calendar, along with the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashanah. On Yom Kippur, Jews are commanded not to work, and fast from food and other pleasurable things, in order to atone for their sins. While a lot of Jews derive most of their earthly pleasures from food, others feel the same way about other things as well.

“When you fast from food on Yom Kippur every single year, sometimes it feels like it’s not enough,” said Dauermann in a YouTube video announcement. “The only thing I love more than food is my caustic wit, so fasting from sarcasm seemed like both the most logical and the hardest thing to do. Fasting is not supposed to be easy or routine. We’re atoning for our sins and we are to give up what we love in order to do so. Just as Jesus gave up being Jewish in order to start Christianity…or DID HE??? You’ll have to listen to my podcast, Toward a More Jewish Jesus, in order to find out!!”

Rabbi Dauermann is known throughout the Messianic community for his knowledge, his sarcasm, and the praise and worship songs he has written, that include lines like “I knew Jesus before he was a gentile.” We certainly wish him luck on cutting sarcasm out of his life for approximately 25 hours. Upon hearing the news of his upcoming fast, the trees of the field all clapped their hands.

Jamie H. of MIQEDEM Starts New Band “Chadash Kedem”

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Tel Aviv, Israel – The ever talented Christian Israeli musician, Jamie H., announced this week he was starting a new band. Jamie., who is currently head of the Israeli band MIQEDEM, has previously been the music director of King of Kings Community in Jerusalem, and the head of previous bands, “Jamie H. and the Band From the Land,” and “Min Ha’Maayan,” among others. The new band, “Chadash Kedem,” which roughly translates to “New Old,” will debut after the upcoming high holidays at a concert at Israel’s only Messianic Kibbutz, Yad Hashmona.

“Nothing’s wrong with MIQEDEM,” said Jamie, in a recent interview. “We’re still going very strong. I just like to make sure I change the name of my band every year or two. Chadash Kedem will still have the same members as MIQEDEM and we’ll still be playing the same songs you love, from our debut album, as well as songs I’ve written for previous bands that were almost the same as this band. It’s a new band, but it’s also the same. But it’s not the same, it’s new. You’ll see.”

Chadash Kedem also features musician, Shai Sol, who rose to fame in the Messianic community by appearing on Israel’s most popular televised singing competition “HaKochav Haba” (The Next Star) and publicly telling the judges of her belief in Yeshua, during her audition. Chadash Kedem will include all the musicians and songs from MIQEDEM. Their music can be heard here.

Ted Pearce Records “How Great is Our God” in Yiddish as Part of His Cultural Xchange Series

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Ted Pearce Records “How Great is Our God” in Yiddish as Part of His Cultural Xchange Series

Dallas, TX – Ted Pearce announced a new album in his Cultural Xchange series will be released soon. The fourth album in the series follows “Warsaw Sessions,” “Hollywood Sessions,” and “Jerusalem Sessions,” and will be titled “Dead Language Sessions.” Like the three previous albums in the series, Dead Language Sessions will have just six tracks on it:

  1. How Great is Our God – Yiddish version
  2. How Great is Our God – Ladino version
  3. How Great is Our God – Esperanto version
  4. How Great is Our God – Latin version
  5. How Great is Our God – Aramaic version
  6. How Great is Our God – Proper English version

“The point of the Cultural Xchange series is to immerse everyone into music that isn’t just typical American Messianic music,” says Pearce. “whether that’s the songs themselves, the musicians playing with me on the tracks, or both. The song ‘How Great is Our God’ is commonly translated into other languages, but not dead languages. Though translating into those languages did prove to be a challenge, since almost nobody is fluent in them, especially proper English. Nobody speaks that one anymore.”

The new album will be available soon on tedpearce.com In the meantime click here to listen to the rest of Ted’s already released music.

Greater Messianic Community Asks That Everyone Please Change Their Last Name to Adler

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Murca – The greater Messianic community has issued a statement sent to all Messianic congregations in America asking that everyone who identifies as Messianic please change their last name to Adler. Representatives from all major Messianic organizations came together this week to discuss the future of Messianic Judaism and how we can greater impact the world. A decision was made that we need to be set apart from everyone else and the best way to do that is to unite with a common last name so that everyone knows we are together. A study put out by the MJAA and the UMJC has shown that the most common last name in Messianic Judaism is Adler; more Messianics either already have the last name, Adler, or are related to someone who does. Choosing Adler as the common last name means less people will have to change their name.

“Yeah I’m part of the Adler clan, but not everyone realizes that, because my last name is Walters,” stated Messianic community member Joshua Isaac Walters. “It’s really hard to go to a Messianic conference and pull the ‘Do you know who I am?’ card when my last name isn’t even recognized as being Messianic. And my Father-in-law is a Messianic Rabbi, but he has a different last name entirely. It’s just hard, sometimes, to be taken seriously in this movement when you’re not a Chernoff or a Rosenberg or an Adler. I agree with this decision 100%.”

While not a requirement to be Messianic, going through life with the same last name as all your Messianic mishpocha will certainly make things easier. And as Yeshua said, “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have the same last name.” Or something like that.

 

 

***Rabbi Jeff Adler suffered a heart attack this past May and is working hard to recover. Please consider donating to help him with his medical bills and expenses gofundme.com/rabbijeff