Category Archives: Pop Culture

Head of Jews for Judaism Accidentally Discovers the 53rd Chapter of Isaiah

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Los Angeles, CA – In a strange, turn of events this week, the President of Jews for Judaism, David Rifkind, has discovered Isaiah 53. Jews for Judaism, an anti-missionary organization that was named after Jews for Jesus, has been trying to steer Jews away from Yeshua since 1985.

Jews around the world read the same Torah (The first five books of the Old Testament) and Haftorah (the other books in the Old Testament) portions during the same week everywhere. However, they skip from Isaiah 52 right to Isaiah 54, ignoring Isaiah 53 altogether. Most Jews have never even read Isaiah 53, which talks about qualities of the coming Messiah.

“It’s really incredible,” said Rifkind, in a recent Facebook post. “All these years I’ve been telling people there’s no proof in the Tanakh (Old Testament) that Jesus is The Messiah and here it is, right in front of my schnoz! I didn’t even know there was an Isaiah 53! I thought it was like high rise buildings that don’t have a 13th floor…they just don’t have one and you don’t know why, but you don’t question it either. You just accept it and move on with your day. Oddly enough, I was reading my Tanakh this week while eating a greasy breakfast burrito and the book slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor, face up, opened to Isaiah 53. I couldn’t believe it! When I asked my wife about it she also had no idea there was a 53rd chapter of Isaiah! Like me, she also thought it was like the 13th floor of a high rise building. I immediately went to The Googles to see if anyone else knew there was an Isaiah 53. Sure enough, there are some people aware of Isaiah 53…my old nemeses Jews for Jesus, in fact. I stumbled upon this article that explains Isaiah 53 and now I need to quit my job. Oy gevalt! If anybody wants to hire a nice Jewish boy who is sometimes wrong, but now sees the truth, let me know!”

Rifkind has since left his job and is currently looking for a new career. He is in talks with Jews for Jesus to come on staff, which would make him a counter-counter-missionary.

Havdalah Spice Girls Release New Fragrance Ahead of Upcoming Album

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Nashville, TN – The Havdalah Spice Girls released a new fragrance this week to promote their upcoming album “Besamim.” The fragrance, which also bears the name “Besamim,” smells of cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg and comes in a bottle the shape of a Havdalah spice box. Besamim is the perfect scent when you want to smell like fall. The kind of fall that happens in Murca anyway.

“Move over pumpkin spice everything; Besamim is here!” Rebecca Rudolf, AKA Dancer Spice, said in an interview. “We were originally going to have a scent that was a combination of candle wax, fire, and grape juice, but we decided it would be better to just release a fragrance that shares a name with our album, which will be available soon on iTunes!”

The Havdalah Spice Girls are also in talks to release an entire line of fragrances, including “Sukkot Spice,” which will smell like lulav and etrog, and “Ashkenazi Spice,” which will smell like brisket and noodle kugel. Besamim, the fragrance, is available now at Neiman Marcus and Macy’s. Stay tuned for a release date on Besamim the album, and remember to purchase your tickets to see Misha Goetz, AKA Shy Spice, in the new hit Broadway musical “They Tried to Kill Us, We Won, Let’s Eat.”

Meme

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Isaiah 53

Sesame Workshop to Begin Production on New Messianic Jewish Version of Sesame Street “Tahini Street”

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New York City, NY – Sesame Workshop announced this week it will begin production on its 40th co-production, which will be a Messianic Jewish incarnation called Tahini Street. Tahini Street will draw influence from both its Israeli and American Jewish counterparts, Rechov SumSum and Shalom Sesame, as well as American Messianic Jewish culture. Favorite characters appearing in the show will include Elmo, Moishe Oofnik, and Kippi Ben Kippod, as well as newcomer native Chicagoan Muppets Goldie and Shlomo, and humans, such as Azee the Clown and The Great Benafuchi. Topics covered on the show will include eating, laughing, matchmaking, and conferencing. Special guests that have signed on to appear so far are Joel Chernoff, Stuart Dauermann, Jonathan Cahn, and Susan Perlman.

Some Hebrew lessons will be included, however they will only be transliterated into English, rather than shown with the characters of the Alef-Bet, and will be taught using a flannelgraph. Messianic dancing will also be demonstrated on the show and performed to classic songs such as “Rubber Ducky Lai Lai Lai” and “C is for Challah.” Proper shofar etiquette will be stressed throughout the season, in addition to lessons on what it means to have a Jewish heart and why it’s okay for gentiles to attend and fully participate in a Messianic congregation.

Tahini Street will be available as an app for both iPad/iPhone and Android, so children can watch during screen time. The show will be funded as a joint effort between MJAA, UMJC, JFJ, CPM, JVMI, TLV, and The Messianic Times. Please consider donating to one of these fine organizations to keep Tahini Street in production.

UMJC Announces New “Mystery Shopping” Program for Congregations

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Los Angeles, CA – The Union of Messianic Jewish Congregations announced this week it would be rolling out a new mystery shopping program, of sorts. Restaurants and retailers utilize secret shoppers to help them figure out how their service rates, and now Messianic congregations across the country will be following suit.

In 2010 The UMJC launched The Kehilah 2020 Initiative, or K20 for short. K20’s main goal is to have a thriving Messianic congregation in every city in America that has a heavy Jewish population, by the year 2020. “We’re more than halfway to the deadline and we still have a long way to go,” said UMJC Representative, Abe Melman. “Having secret shoppers visiting different congregations and reporting back to us on the pros and cons of the Shabbat services will help us figure out why some congregations are growing and why some aren’t. If we can pinpoint a formula for a successful congregation, we can make sure the future congregations we plant and current congregations that need help use that formula.”

The new mystery shopping program will begin early 2017 and will reimburse travel and hotel expenses up to 500 miles away from your home congregation. To apply to become a mystery shopper for The UMJC please visit kehilah2020.org or umjc.org

Meme

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No. You’re wrong. So wrong. So very very wrong. No.

Nate Benjamin Declared National Treasure, Asked to Tour With Hillsong United

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New York City, NY – The Contemporary Christian worship band, Hillsong United, announced a brand new upcoming tour with special guest Messianic recording artist, Nate Benjamin. The announcement comes just two months after the band released the album “Of Dirt and Grace: Live from the Land,” which was recorded live in Israel, leading Christian fans to wonder where the direction of the band is headed.

“We recently just found out that Jesus is actually Jewish,” said band member and lead Pastor of Hillsong NYC, Joel Houston. “If that’s the case, then His people should be our people and His traditions should be our traditions. Nate shows up to Hillsong NYC from time to time. We heard he has a ‘spiritual crush’ on us and that he’s a Messianic Jewish recording artist, which is cool. I looked him up and listened to his Sacrifice of Worship EP and it’s really tight. He has a great sound. Easy on the eyes too. In fact, I’d even venture to say he’s a national treasure. But then again, I’m from Australia, so what do I know? Anyway, we’re doing a tour of songs from ‘Dirt and Grace’ so having a Jewish person open for us on this tour is perfect. The whole tour is gonna be Jew stuff. I don’t really know what our fans are going to think of all this, but we’re not doing this for them; we’re doing this for Jesus. Yeshua. That’s his Hebrew name: Yeshua.”

The new tour which will be titled ‘Ruth and Boaz’ is set to launch sometime around Christmas, with stops across The U.S. and Canada. Please visit natebenjamin.com or hillsong.com/united for more information, as well as some amazing music.

Meme

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http://jesusisajew.org/Jesus_is_a_Jew.php

Beth Messiah Cincinnati to Hold First Ever Gluten Free Tashlikh Service

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Cincinnati, OH – Beth Messiah Messianic Synagogue will be holding the first ever official Gluten Free Tashlikh service this year. Tashlikh, the ceremony of using pieces of bread to cast your sins into a body of water, is performed either on Rosh Hashanah or between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Typically congregations will head immediately after the Shacharit (morning) service on Rosh Hashanah to a nearby body of water and perform this ceremony as a group. Bread is supplied, usually leaving out those who can’t or choose not to have gluten.

“We want to make sure we’re catering to everyone’s dietary restrictions,” says Youth Director, Danielah Blackburn, “but we also want to make sure we’re staying on top of trends. Right now, there is nothing trendier than being Gluten Free. Having a Gluten Free Tashlikh service will kill both of those birds with one roll. Normally our Tashlikh service is full of gluten, but now we have two options, so nobody will feel crumby if they can’t touch gluten. Our bodies actually absorb 60 percent of what our skin touches, so anyone with Celiac Disease can’t actually cast their sins away using regular bread. And that’s not fair; people with Celiac Disease should also get a chance to be inscribed in The Book of Life.”

The new Gluten Free Tashlikh service will be held on Monday, October 2, 2016 at 3pm, immediately following the Rosh Hashanah Shacharit service. Blackburn, who is Gluten Free herself, hopes other congregations will follow suit in the future, as Celiac Disease and wheat allergies are so prevalent in Jewish heritage. The new services give Beth Messiah a leg up on fresh ideas, rather than ideas that have been sitting around, never used, and have gone stale. If you would like to participate the Gluten Free service, please talk to Danielah for more information.

Meme

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If you are interested in finding a Messianic congregation near you, visit http://iamcs.org/congregations or http://congregations.umjc.org. These lists are not exhaustive, however. If you can’t find what you’re looking for, please feel free to private message me, leave a comment here, or e-mail me at messianicmeow@gmail.com and I will do my best to help you locate a local congregation.