Category Archives: Conferences

Guest Post by Rebekah Williams | One in Messiah: From Song to Actuality

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Thanks to the faithfulness of the entire Messianic Community of eating matzah and conducting Gentile inclusive Seders during Pesach this year, The Lord has seen fit to give Rabbi David Chernoff a calling to develop the One in Messiah Dating Service. Rabbi David will follow in the footsteps of the most anointed Messianic matchmaker of all time, his Mother, the late Yohanna Chernoff.

The first installment of the new dating service will commence at Messiah Conference later this week, and will continue to all Messianic Jewish organizations. A newsletter has gone out to Messianic synagogues reading, “In commemoration of Adonai’s faithfulness in allowing Israel to officially be a Jewish state 70 years ago, Messianic believers worldwide will celebrate by helping young believers fulfill the first charge from God upon leaving the Garden of Eden: Be fruitful and multiply!” To go along with this year’s theme, every ‘single’ will be required to fill out a Heart’s Desire Survey® about their fruits of the spirit. MJAA leaders will then fast, pray, and lay prostrate before the Lord, in addition to using their God given talents of matchmaking. Singles will be matched based on ministry calling, Biblical knowledge, ideal service style, liturgy preference, and other spiritual gifts. Rebbetzin Debbie Chernoff has been quoted saying, “I’m really hoping 70 marriages come from this service, so that in two years at least 70 babies will be attending Conference!” When asked why at least 70 babies, Rebbetzin replied, “It’s not too much to believe God will provide several sets of twins you know!”

Details are beginning to emerge about the service and this includes information that there will be two sets of singles serviced this year. The first is the “Mary and Joseph” group that includes 18 to 25 year olds, who are joyfully anticipating the possibility of finding love, happiness, and fulfillment with their God appointed mate. There will also be the “Ruth and Boaz” group of 26 to 35ish year olds who are tired of hearing, “When are you going to settle down and cover my knees with grandchildren?!” from the synagogues’ Grandmothers and Rebbetzins. Upon coupling up, each couple will be assigned to a counselor, whose specialty in topics range from “Never been kissed” to “I had given up all hope and need to reemerge back into dating society.”

Many are asking what is the catch to all of this. Well, there is one; by signing up for One in Messiah, all successful marriages that result in children promise to give their first born son to the IAMCS to be raised up as a future Messianic Rabbi, to offset the current shortage of future leaders. 

Even with this excitement in the air, due to the possibility of unions, the MJAA leaders are looking forward to 2019 being the year of Ketubot. They have even hinted at plans of orchestrating a 70s themed mass wedding at Messiah Conference 2019, if all goes well.

 

 

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Guest Post by Caitlyn and Jonathan Salkind | Worship Glue: A New Workshop for Messianic Worship Coordinators

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PHILADELPHIA, PA — The MJAA is pleased to announce the launch of a new long-distance tele-workshop for up-and-coming Messianic worship coordinators. Run by a team of current and former YMJA worship coordinators, including Jonathan Salkind, Michael and Nicci Katz, Mykie Collins, and others, the workshop will cover the skills needed to hold a band together and make the worship sound awesome.

“This workshop isn’t really for worship leaders,” explained Mykie Collins, “Though of course, worship leaders are welcome. Leading worship is about choosing songs, casting vision, connecting with the congregation, and being the lead singer. Worship coordination is about providing musical structure and communicating among the musicians, and it’s really a different skill set. Guitarists and bassists make excellent coordinators, or pianists if they aren’t leading. Drummers mostly spend their time pounding rocks together, so they might be less of a good fit. And backup singers just live in their own world.”

Jonathan Salkind agreed. “Most of the worship coordinator’s job is to translate the worship leader’s vision into something that can actually be played. Worship leaders know what they want but have no idea what they’re doing. Every weekend, I walk in, set up my bass, and get told, ‘I want this song to sound exactly like Shane and Shane.’ And then I’m the one who has to translate that into something workable. We don’t have a cello, people! Anyway, the worship coordinator is the one to work out what the chord progression actually is, how to make the dynamic transitions flow smoothly, and how to play a reggae version of ‘Shabbat Shalom’ because that’s apparently where modern Messianic music is heading.”

“And don’t get me started on the Rabbi’s requests,” Salkind added. “If the Rabbi calls the band up and asks for ‘that song I like,’ the worship coordinator had better be ready to launch into ‘Every Praise’ with no chord chart. That’s my job.”

“I was in a rehearsal once for a YMJA morning worship time,” recalled Nicci Katz, “And I had chosen a great set list, but the chord charts weren’t in the key I wanted to sing for any of the songs. I can just clip a capo to my guitar, and I remember the keyboard had a transpose wheel, but the bassist and the saxophone player were totally lost. If my worship coordinator hadn’t stepped in, the whole set would have been ruined.”

The workshop will cover musical arrangement, volume dynamics, transposing songs on the fly, keeping the drummer from speeding up, keeping the drummer from slowing down, and keeping the drummer from adding too many splashy fills. It will also address some of the essentials of tech setup and mixing. “Knowing how to run a sound board is really important,” Collins explained. “I found this out the hard way. If your tech person that day is a teenager who got volunteered because he’s good with computers but not so good with music, the coordinator needs to be able to jump in and explain how to make the sound actually sound like music.”

Messianic worship leaders all over the country have expressed their excitement about the new coordinators’ workshop. “I have a doctorate in music, so I can actually lead and coordinate at the same time,” said Dr. Greg Silverman, “But every other worship leader I’ve ever met is in desperate need of a good coordinator. Or a doctorate.”

When reached for comment, singer-songwriter, Joshua Aaron, appeared confused by the idea. “I play the uke,” he said, “And the whole band comes together. The Holy Spirit just flows, right?”

For Messianic worship leaders, the ARCH Training Summit and other already-established events provide excellent opportunities to grow in their skills and ministry. 

 

 

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Nate Benjamin Announces Sequel Album To Fix My Eyes Entitled ‘Fix My Nose’

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Philadelphia, PA – In a packed press conference early this morning, Nate Benjamin officially announced his highly anticipated second full-length album. In a surprising move, the new record will be a full-blown concept album entitled Fix My Nose, with the entire disc effectively serving as a sequel to “Fix My Eyes,” the classic title track of his debut.

“Contemplating the implications of fixing my eyes on Yeshua was such a rewarding experience when I was writing the first album,” explained Mr. Benjamin. “When it came time to start work on the follow-up, I realized that there was so much more to be said. It has such a tremendous impact on our lives when we strive to focus ourselves entirely on God, and the more I prayed about it, the more I began to realize that every part of that process can have its own implications. The scope of it is so vast that it would take dozens of albums to truly do it justice, but for the time being I’ve decided to focus on the face. Nose, ears, mouth, hair… each is more than enough to fill an album on its own, and that’s just what I plan to do. Hair may even get a double album.

“Don’t get me wrong, though, I plan on getting through the whole body, if that’s the calling The Lord has for my life. God willing, someday, I’ll be spending several days in fervent prayer, as God reveals to me all the blessings He has in store for those who fix their spleens on Him.”

Fan opinion seems to be mostly positive, though some have voiced concerns. “I’m just not sure there’s enough material there to support a whole album,” said skeptic, Rebekah Wedemeyer. “I mean, an EP, absolutely, but I’m worried that pushing for a full-length might be stretching it just a bit. I hope I’m wrong, but I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out.”

Thankfully, it seems that the wait won’t be too long. The first single, “Smell,” is scheduled to be released in late May, with the full album making its official debut at Messiah Conference 2018. While an official track listing has not yet been released, Nate has indicated that the new album will feature 10 songs, each named for a different aspect of fixing one’s nose on God. As for whether the album lives up to the high standard set by its predecessor, we’ll all have to wait and smell.

 

 

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NEW for 2018: The Messianic Zodiac!

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We all know horoscopes and the zodiac come from Satan himself, but if we make our own then it’s okay! So without further ado here is the all new Messianic Zodiac. Simply look up the year you were born and find out all about your life!

•The year of the Shofar:

1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008, 2020, 2032

You are stubborn and love free food. People tend to abuse you, especially when they are trying to impress a crowd. Don’t hide your talents from the world, but don’t let people use them incorrectly either.

•The year of the Hummus:

1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009, 2021, 2033

You are stubborn and love free food. Keep that garlic breath to yourself, especially when on a date with someone you met online.

•The year of the Bagel:

1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010, 2022, 2034

You are stubborn and love free food. You are crusty on the outside and empty on the inside. Try filling that void with Yeshua.

•The year of the Matzah Ball Soup:

1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011, 2023, 2035

You are stubborn and love free food. You are warm and comfort those around you when they are sick. Sometimes you will float and sometimes you will sink, but either way, you will always prevent people from pooping when they consume high doses of you.

•The year of the Kugel:

1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012, 2024, 2036

You are stubborn and love free food. You stand on your own without adding any unnecessary accoutrements, like raisins. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

•The year of the Vegetable Spring Rolls:

1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013, 2025, 2037

You are stubborn and love free food. Word on the street is you are so much better than your pork-filled counterparts. You’re most popular on Christmas.

•The year of the Joel Chernoff:

1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014, 2026, 2038

You are stubborn and love free food. You are full of lais, but where would we be without you? Probably in the UMJC.

•The year of the Challah:

1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015, 2027, 2039

You are stubborn and love free food. Gluten is so last year and so are those shoes you still wear to Shul every week. Try getting a personal shopper or a stylist.

•The year of the felt banner that covers up the cross in the sanctuary of the church you rent from:

1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016, 2028, 2040

You are stubborn and love free food. You’re not fooling anyone by covering up your secrets. We know. We all know.

•The year of the Belt Loop Tzit-Tzit:

1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017, 2029, 2041

You are stubborn and love free food. Some people have you wrapped around their finger, while others keep you in their pocket. Don’t worry if people tell you you are not as important as head-coverings. They don’t care much for fringe benefits.

•The year of the Manischewitz Wine:

1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018, 2030, 2042

You are stubborn and love free food. You are way too sweet for most people, but nonetheless you are a timeless classic. We can always count on you to stick around through the ages.

•The year of the Conference:

1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019, 2031, 2043

You are stubborn and love free food. There’s sure a lot of you to go around, but without you, life as we know it would crumble.

 

 

 

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Pre-MLR Will Make Its Re-Branding Debut This Weekend as ‘MLR Jr.’

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Phoenix, AZ — The 10th annual Messianic Leadership Roundtable will take place this weekend, starting with what was formerly known as “Pre-MLR.” Pre-MLR is the day before MLR and is geared toward the next generation of Messianic leaders. MLR is the only leadership conference in the entire Messianic movement that brings together leaders from every major Messianic Organization and allows them to be in a controlled environment with plenty of security officers to prevent them from killing each other.

“Originally, this year’s MLR was going to be an African Safari in Kenya, but due to rising costs, we very unfortunately had to cancel that trip and move the conference back to Phoenix,” explained Jewish Voice and Messianic Movement President Jonathan Bernis. “Since this is our 10th MLR, we still wanted to do something to make the 2018 conference stand out. It was always our intention to change the name of Pre-MLR. That name was temporary until we could come up with a better one, and I really think we have a winner with ‘MLR Jr.’ it’s got a much nicer ring to it, and it also describes what the event actually is: a day for the youngsters. And I know those youngsters love catchy names they can pound sign on Instatwitter. So make sure you pound sign MLR Jr this year if you’re attending. And if you’re not attending, it’s only because you weren’t important enough to be invited. I’m looking at you, Messianic Meow! But I digress. Seriously though, pound sign MLR Jr. I’m not quite sure exactly what that does, but Matt Rosenberg told me it was a thing.”

If you’d like to be invited to MLR/ MLR Jr in the future, you may want to consider becoming a Rabbi. Most the MJAA and UMJC congregations in the U.S. are ready to start training up their next Rabbi, and it could be you…unless you’re a woman!

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Israeli Messianic Band MIQEDEM Working on Greatest Hits Album

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Tel Aviv, Israel — Messianic Judaism’s favorite band, MIQEDEM, announced last week they are working on their second album. After exploding to Messianic fame in the last year, including a US tour, the demand is high enough to record a sophomore album just a little over a year after releasing their debut album. The Messianic world is waiting with bated breath to see what Jamie H. and his crew will come up with next.

“I’ve been part of many many many Messianic bands and MIQEDEM has found the greatest success, by far,” lead singer and guitarist, Jamie H., said in a video on MIQEDEM’s Indiegogo page. “People love to listen to our songs on repeat. In fact, when we played the UMJC conference in July, the crowd wanted us to keep going, but we were out of songs. So we just went through our album again and everyone loved it. I don’t know if they even noticed, and I think it’s because they don’t understand what we’re singing about, because American Messianics don’t understand Hebrew. So after that we realized we could probably release a greatest hits album already. We’ll get money from selling two albums and we don’t even have to write any new material. It’s a win-win situation.”

MIQEDEM is raising money to record their second album, which will include every song from their first album, plus Elohim Lanu and Kol HaNeshama. If you’d like to help MIQEDEM reach their goal of $23,200 to record their new album, you may donate here: www.indiegogo.com/projects/miqedem-album-2#/

 

 

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Ari Waldman Officially Becomes Youngest Rabbi to Be Ari Waldman

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Dallas, TX — Exciting news out of Dallas this weekend, as Rabbi Marty Waldman of Baruch HaShem Messianic Synagogue in Dallas has officially handed the congregation over to his son, Rabbi Ari Waldman. The Junior Waldman, who is now the youngest Congregational Leader in the Messianic Movement, assumed the position this past Saturday, October 14th, coupled with a congregational celebration. The transition has been in the works for quite some time, as Rabbi Marty has been preparing to step back and let his son take over.

“It’s not easy being Ari Waldman,” said Ari Waldman in a mass text message to the other young leaders of the Movement. “Not only do I have my hands full as a Husband and Father, but I am also the South Central Messianic Chief Innovator of Relevance, as well as the head coach of The Dallas Brisket in the Messianic Softball League. Now I am the Senior Rabbi of one of the largest Messianic Congregations in the world, so I probably will never sleep again. It will be like one giant conference that never ends. Because it’s my life and not an actual conference. How will I manage to do it all? Well, I will continue to rely on Yeshua and Whataburger to help me.”

Out of support for her younger brother, Waldman’s sister, Sabra, made sure to comment to us, “Don’t write about me in The Meow!”

We certainly wish a big mazel tov to the new Senior Rabbi! If you’d like to hear Rabbi Ari’s sermons and are unable to make it to their services, you can catch their livestreams and archives at http://baruchhashemsynagogue.org

 

 

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Guest Post by Anonymous | MJAA Announces New Attempt to Sorta Organize the Teaching Sessions at Messiah 2018

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Grantham, PA — Fresh off a highly successful Messiah 2017 conference, the MJAA is proud to announce a new structure for the adult morning sessions to take place at Messiah 2018. In addition to being presented in the typical grid format, the classes will now be organized into tracks, to assist attendees in selecting classes best suited to them.

“I’m excited about the new track structure,” said MJAA President, Rabbi Larry Feldman. “It’s difficult for many people to select classes which meet their needs and interests. The message titles are only so useful, even when the speakers stick with their stated topic. But we were discussing the problem in one of our secret leaders’ lunches this year, and we realized that most speakers just do the same thing every year anyway, so why not group them accordingly?”

“Titles are hard,” added Rabbi David Chernoff. “We used to provide summaries in the booklet, but knowing what you want to talk about in advance, choosing a title, describing it…it was an impossible task. My wife, Debbie, has done a ‘For Women Only’ session for years to avoid having to come up with a title, but we can’t all do that. I’ve considered doing a ‘For Cool People Only’ session, but the fundamentals of our faith are probably more important.”

The current plan divides the sessions into three tracks. Fundamentals of Biblical Judaism will be primarily for those new to the conference or seeking to learn more about Messianic Judaism and the MJAA, and will include excellent foundational teachings from Messianic leaders such as Rabbis David Chernoff, Jeff Forman, Charlie Kluge, and Michael Wolf. “I feel that my class on the MJAA’s ministry is very important to provide to the newcomers at Messiah,” said MJAA General Secretary, Joel Chernoff. “Not only do people need to catch the Messianic vision, but they also need to understand precisely how many additional water wells the MJAA has built this past year in Ethiopia and watch a special video of me taking a drink from each one. Seeing me drink from every single well really helps people connect to the ministry.”

The second track will be the Conference Veteran track, aimed at those who have already mastered the FBJ material over several previous years.  Speakers will include Debbie Chernoff, Michael Rydelnik, Rachel Wolf, Jeffrey Seif, and an optional specialization for those who wish to major in Rosenberg.  Like the FBJ track, the classes will be intentionally scheduled to avoid overlaps in the same time slot. “I’ve been making fewer handouts in the past years, since I’m always scheduled at the same time as Debbie Chernoff,” said Dr. Michael Rydelnik. “I’m glad to know we’ll be sparing attendees that difficult decision of choosing between us in the future.”

The final track, titled “Blow A Shofar In Zion,” will be designed for those interested in right-wing politics, unscientific nutritional advice, apocalyptic analysis of regularly occurring phenomena, exhaustive search techniques to dig up any hints of Jewish ancestry, and overly simplistic explanations of prophetic mysteries. The track will also introduce a new class, titled “18 Reasons Why The World Will End In 2018” (which will be updated for Messiah 2019, should the need arise). Blow A Shofar in Zion track participants will also have exclusive access to a Cultural Center showcase exhibiting every product which was ever invented in Israel. Ever.

A fourth track, tentatively titled “Virgin Daughters of Zion,” may be included for those seeking a spouse. It would include classes on developing your “Jew-dar,” the roles of men and women in marriage, and how to convince your significant other to move to your city so that your Rabbi supports the relationship. Additional track-specific activities have been proposed, including singles-only schmooze times (which are not “open to all”), speed “intentional friending,” and opportunities for private consultation with Hope Edelstein.

The MJAA has also announced several new afternoon workshops at Messiah 2018, including Introduction to Interpretive Dance, Overwhelmingly Anointed Prayer, Davidic Harp-Carving (bring your own log), and How to Know You’re Called to Make Aliyah When Your Rabbi Says No.

You can register now for Messiah 2018 at http://mjaa.org/messiah18 to set up a prepayment plan with a 10% discount.  You won’t want to miss this one, just in case the world really does end.

 

 

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YMJA Curfew Golem Runs Amok, Causes Chaos At Messiah Conference 2017

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Grantham, PA – What started as a noble attempt at curbing teenage hooliganism at Messiah Conference quickly spun out of control, deteriorating into a catastrophe of truly massive scope by the end of the week. After three nights of flawless, efficient curfew enforcement, on Wednesday afternoon the YMJA’s experimental new golem suddenly began terrorizing the campus, leaving a trail of minor injuries and major property damage in its wake.

While the investigation into the cause of this debacle is still ongoing, early reports indicate that it began when one or more YMJA leaders decided to expand the golem’s duties, amending its life-giving instruction scroll to include enforcement of all other YMJA rules as well as the curfew. The identities of the leaders in question have so far not been released, but those following the investigation have noted that much of the scrutiny seems to be directed toward newly elected YMJA President, Ravi Goldberg, and the now former YMJA Vice President, Danielah Blackburn.

Regardless of the culprits’ identities, what followed is beyond dispute. Upon receiving these new, considerably more complex instructions, the golem promptly went about hunting down and apprehending supposed rule-breakers, many of whom were clearly innocent of the infractions for which they had been targeted. “I just suddenly felt this massive hand on my shoulder,” said Jason Jenkins. “This unimaginably deep voice said, ’No drugs or alcohol,’ and next thing I knew I was being lifted up into the air and carried away. I kept trying to explain that it was only a cough drop, but the golem just wouldn’t listen.”

Jenkins was far from the only attendee to suffer the golem’s undeserved wrath. According to Nick Lewis, a member of the YMJA leadership team, he and his wife had just settled in for the night on Thursday when their dorm room door burst off its hinges. “Before we could even react, it walked over and lifted the entire bed over its head with us in it. It kept screaming ‘Purple!’ over and over again. Purple is YMJA code for someone being in the room of someone of the opposite gender, and apparently the golem didn’t realize that the rule doesn’t apply to married couples sharing a room.”

Even those beyond the purview of the YMJA weren’t safe from the golem’s enforcement, as the crowd in the main auditorium discovered on Wednesday evening. “Rabbi David Chernoff had just started his message when this giant clay monstrosity lumbered onto the stage behind him,” recalled Jonathan Rutter. “It yelled ‘dress code violation’ really loudly, then wrapped the Rabbi in a massive bear hug and dragged him off stage. I heard that when security finally tracked it down, the whole YMJA exec committee was yelling at it that a crooked tallit is not a valid dress code issue.”

The golem’s reign of terror and overly zealous legalism finally came to an end on Friday afternoon when it tried to apprehend a group of children for possession of toy lightsabers, which it deemed a violation of the “no weapons” rule. Upon being grabbed, a young girl named Joelle Hackett became fascinated by the star-shaped clay medallion on the creature’s chest. She pulled it off to investigate it more closely, not even realizing as she did so that it contained the words that gave the thing life. Once the words were removed, the golem immediately became inert, at which point it was a simple matter to smash the thing and burn its instruction scroll. In the end, no trace was left of it but the numerous bruises, smashed door frames, and traumatic memories that it had caused.

While obviously disappointed by the golem’s failure, the YMJA executive team has vowed to continue to perfect the art of rule enforcement in future years. “I seem to remember Rabbi Kevin [Solomon] saying something about training a pack of curfew dogs,” Blackburn was heard saying. “Maybe we should look into that.”

 

 

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