Fourth Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

FAQs for Female Millennials on Their First Day of a Messianic Conference

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FAQs

Q. Hi! How are you?

A. To be honest, I woke up at 4:00 this morning, took a bumpy flight next to someone who really should have booked two seats for himself, and then drove here in a car that was packed jam tight with my family’s luggage, all without having one sip of coffee. And now here I am, and I know I’ve seen your face somewhere, probably praying for someone outside the marketplace, but I cannot, for the life of me, remember your name. But anyways, I’m good.

Q. What’s new with you?

A. LITERALLY nothing. School is school. Dating life is dating life. The newest thing to happen to me are these shoes I’m currently wearing that my Grandma bought for me two Chanukahs ago. But I sense that you’re going to continue with these questions anyways, so- annnnd commence the small talk.

Q. Are you in school?

A. Yes, I am. Not in your state. And, yes, it is a public institution, but please don’t fret, Mr. FamiliarFace; I have grown up in this movement and I know better.

Q. What’s your major?

A. LOL. Right now I’m liberal arts, but actually hoping God reveals to me my higher purpose and calling at this conference, and then all my worries can go away.

Q. Have you ever thought about relocating to my city? Beautiful weather, wonderful congregation, lots of single millennials!

A. No, because, frankly, I have no clue where you live and I’m already settled and you did NOT just call me a millennial…

Q. Are you dating anyone?

A. HAHAHAHAHA the only boy who likes me is my dog, who is in a kennel right now, probably flirting with other female dogs. So, in conclusion, I’m not looking for anything serious right now.

Q. Remind me to introduce you to my son this week. It’s his first conference.

A. Please tell me what makes you think I want to meet your son? And why are you acting like I’m here because I was hired as a tour guide for the conference?

Q. He lives only 9 hours from you…

A. Acting like I got a deal with Exxon for free gas for the rest of my life.

Q. Does a 14-year age difference bother you?

A. Hmm, lets do the math: 14 years ago I was starting Kindergarten and your son was starting his private practice.

Q. Are you familiar with risk management?

A. Risk WHOOO???

Q. Well, maybe you guys will meet up at dinner or something.

A. OK you are spending way too much time talking about your son whom I didn’t even know existed until this second.

Q. Well, hey it was good seeing you. I’ll be sure to attend your Rabbi’s message tomorrow morning. Are you going?

A. How do you even know what congregation I attend? Have we been introduced before?

 

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Third Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

Guest Post by Yossi Wilson | World’s First Messianic Jewish Board Game in Development

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Atlanta, GA – In an early morning press conference, a new company called MessyAntic Games announced that they are creating the world’s first Messianic Jewish board game, which they hope to release early next summer. Company founder, Jeremiah Cohen, called it, “A new, distinctly Messianic twist on a modern classic.”

The game, called Settlers of Grantham, is heavily based on the German mega-hit Settlers of Catan. The name comes from the Pennsylvania town, in which the annual Messiah Conference, the setting of the game, takes place. The game board is made up of tiles representing the various buildings and landmarks of Messiah College. These tiles can be laid out in an accurate representation of the campus (a layout guide is included, in case, by freak happenstance, none of the players can recreate it from memory), or they can be placed in any other randomized configuration the players wish.

Gameplay itself will be more or less the same as Catan. Players take on the role of first-time Messiah Conference attendees, working to collect valuable resources, such as Lamb T-shirts, Paul Wilbur albums, and Tree of Life Version Bibles. Players can then trade and use these resources to expand their networks – building connections, conversations, and friendships, which function much the same as the equivalent roads, settlements, and cities of the original game. They can also use their resources to pick up event cards, which range from relatively common events like “YMJA Dress Code Violation,” “Attend Dance Class,” and “Meet A Rabbi,” to rare and powerful ones like “Healthy Meal” and “Sleep.” As players build and expand, they accumulate points. Once a player reaches 10 points, everyone reveals any hidden points they may have (from certain event cards such as “Consider Making Aliyah”), and whoever has the highest total score is determined to have found their future spouse and, therefore, won the game.

To anyone who’s played Catan, all of this probably sounds more than a bit familiar. But despite the apparent similarities, Cohen was adamant that this is no mere knock-off. “Well, obviously it’s based on Catan, so there are bound to be some comparisons there,” he said. “But we’ve also gone to great lengths to give our game a unique Messianic feel. For one thing, we’ve replaced the two dice for generating resources with a pair of beautiful, hand-crafted dreidels, providing an elegant system, which is firmly rooted in Jewish tradition. Also, unlike the robber, the Anti-Missionary’s negative effects can be reduced if you can provide a scriptural refutation of his arguments. Plus we’ve got a number of event cards that are completely unlike anything from Catan’s development deck. The ‘Break Curfew’ card, for example, simulates the risk factor of such an action by using a dreidel to determine what benefit or penalty the player receives.”

Pre-orders for the game are slated to begin in early spring, and Cohen says they hope to have the game ready and available for purchase at Messiah Conference 2017. He also assured us that the company has been brainstorming ideas for more games in the future. Those ideas range from Messianic versions of other essential Eurogames like Ticket To Ride and Carcassonne to entirely original projects with promising titles like Aliyah! and Davidic Dance Melee. Will these games become staples of the Messianic movement, or will they wallow in obscurity? Only time will tell, but for now, the odds for success seem far better than a roll of the dice – or, more fittingly, a spin of the dreidel.

 

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Second Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

First Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this season.

Amen. Happy Chanukah from The Messianic Meow!

Guest Post by Joe Miterko | Being a Ted Head is the Thing to Do in the Messianic Movement

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Melbourne, FL- Rabbi Alan Levine, Rabbi of Congregation of Kol Moshiach in Melbourne, FL recently was basking in the afterglow of a Ted Pearce concert. “As I was growing up, being a Dead Head for The Grateful Dead was the thing to do!” said Levine. “But now with all these changes in the Messianic movement, like Muchan on the Moon, Yeshua-centered amusement parks, and the inception of the Golden ARCH, a wonderful young leadership training program, I’m thinking I regret my days of being a Dead Head and want to move forward for Messiah. The young people need something different, you know? So one day in my office I was thinking ‘…gosh what would millennials like? Ted Pearce? Ted Pearce meets the Grateful Dead?? A Ted Head??? Yeah! Brilliant!!’ That’s how the inception of the concept of Ted-Heads came about!”

Jewish Voice Ministries International President and CEO, Jonathan Bernis even decided to include in his menu at the Yeshualand theme parks the “Ted Head Tater Tots” in addition to the “Adam’s McBeefRib” and “The Big Maccabee.”  He also decided to have Ted Pearce’s Cultural Xchange gear and virtual reality goggles prominently displayed in each Yeshualand location. “Why not fuel that fire that our young people are into it?” says President Bernis.

Not only is this catching fire in Levine’s own congregation and at Yeshualand locations, the rage is spreading. “We want to get Ted to come give us a concert! We love him and think our young people could start a revolution of ‘Ted Heads’ that could spread around the world. Who needs the Grateful Dead anymore?! Bring on the Ted!!” said Rabbi Paul Saal of Shuvah Yisrael in Hartford, CT.  “We need more young people to be Zealous over Zion, you know? Also, they must ‘Awake’ with many shofar blasts!”

UMJC Representative, Abe Melman couldn’t agree more. “The UMJC is going to have Ted come down to give a lecture at the next conference in Chicago about ‘How to be a Mensch While Being a Ted Head.’ He’ll also be teaching ‘Worship Leading with a Smile.’ We couldn’t be more excited.” For more information on Ted and to hear some of his wonderful music, check out http://www.tedpearce.com/.

 

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Guest Post by Nathanial Hackett | Harrison Ford Named as Key Note Speaker for Upcoming IAMCS Rabbi’s Conference

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Orlando, FL – In light of the Star Wars craze, Rabbis everywhere are desperate to gain more knowledge or intimately know more about Stars Wars and Rogue One.  So they sought עדַיָ, who they find, through Google, is a character of Star Wars.  While the transliteration was incorrectly spelled “Yoda,” they originally asked for him to speak at the upcoming IAMCS Rabbi’s Conference in Orlando next month.  Finding he was over 900 years old, they felt the trip might be exhaustive, so they sought after the next eldest Jewish Guy, Harrison Ford.

While not Messianic, Harrison Ford said he could understand dying in order to save the galaxy or even just one person, like a son, for example.  He said he is not sure about walking on water, but he has known several Skywalkers, so he thinks his knowledge is broad enough. He is also willing to share many stories and insight to the younger single Rabbis on how to woo young JAPs; Jewish Alderaanian Princesses.  He did warn that a career of smuggling is not the best resume and said, quite frankly, JAPs have big Daddy issues and strange brother sister closeness, and suggested avoiding them, unless they are very rich.

Ford suggested that Star Wars was critical to everyday life, as so many of the younger generations already know.  In honor of the importance of Rogue One, and Star Wars in general, he suggested switching the Manischewitz out for Blue Milk.  He also suggested that all Menorahs replace the candles with miniature lightsabers.  This should draw in young people by the thousands…If not, then you can always try free movie tickets…

 

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Guest Post by Joe Miterko | Joel Chernoff and Paul Wilbur Announce New Messianic Band That’ll Knock Your Shofars Off

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Orlando, FL- The famed Joel Chernoff, who penned such classics as “Baruch Adonai,” “Jew and Gentile,” “The Sacrifice Lamb,” and many more, hit the Messianic Music Scene back in a huge way this past week.

“I decided to team up with Paul Wilbur and make a new band called ‘Tamb,’” said Chernoff, at the MJAA Southeast Regional Conference, this past weekend. “It’ll be like my previous project ‘Lamb’ with Rick Coghill and Ted Pearce, only a bit different. Both Paul and I were deeply moved by the roaring sound of the jingling tambourines at the Messiah Conference this past summer during our sets, so I came over to him and asked, ‘Hey Paul, we both were crying because of those tambourines in our sets at Messiah, why don’t we actually collaborate on a new Messianic music project together? We’ve never done one, so how bout it?’ He got very excited and was all in after I presented the idea! I’m so excited!!”

Tamb is already starting to write some new material, such as “Shake Your Tambs, All You People,” “I Will Keep the Beat With My Brothers,” and “Blow a Trumpet in Zion, Not Grantham, PA.” “Our goal is to get the movement excited about creative expression as much as possible,” commented Wilbur at the same SE Regional Conference.  “We want to hear some great Shouts of Joy about this new project!”

The first album plans to drop in early 2017 and will be sponsored by Jonathan Bernis’ new Yeshualand theme parks.  To find out more about Joel visit https://joelchernoff.wordpress.com/ and Paul visit https://www.wilburministries.com/. To learn more about Jonathan Bernis and Jewish Voice Ministries International, visit http://www.jewishvoice.org/.

 

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Messianic Jewish Rabbinical Council Encouraging Anyone Involved in the Messianic Movement to Convert to PDF

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West Haven, CT – The Messianic Jewish Rabbinical Council issued a statement this week encouraging anyone involved in the Messianic Movement to convert to PDF. The announcement came shortly after the great MJRC Microsoft Word Disaster of ’16, in which Rabbi Stuart Dauermann had one of his files hacked and changed to make it look like he actually has no sense of humor.

The statement was released by MJRC Executive Director, Rabbi Tony Eaton via an e-mail blast. The statement read as such:

“Dear Messianic Jews:

Due to a recent issue in which Rabbi Dr. Stuart Dauermann’s Microsoft Word files were hacked and made to look like he had no sense of humor, we are now encouraging all Messianic Jews and non-Jews to convert to PDF. Converting to PDF is an incredibly important practice to have as part of your life and also shows that you are serious about your commitment to your documents. Converting to PDF makes your documents official, and much less likely to be tampered with, should they fall into the wrong hands. Please take the time to pray about automatically converting all of your documents to PDF, so as to protect your precious documents that are a gift from Adonai. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Rabbi Tony Eaton”

At the advisement of the MJRC, there is expected to be a rise in Messianics converting to PDF, which is previously unheard of within Messianic Judaism. If you’d like more information about the MRJC conversion to PDF process please visit www.ourrabbis.org

 

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