Church Homeschool Co-op Becomes Super Fun and Educational Sweatshop One Afternoon Per Week

Kearney, NE — The homeschool co-op at the First Redeemer Five Square Church in Kearney, NE has come up with a more cost effective way to get urgent projects completed, by making use of skills taught to its young students. While the lack of pay technically makes this a sweatshop, the church seems to be okay with that.

“Our co-op meets one day a week,” Homeschool Mom and Pastor’s Wife, Christie-Rae Carlson, stated on an online Homeschool support forum. “We spend the morning teaching trade skills to the kids, and in the afternoon they complete projects around the church. One week they learned carpentry, and then they made some new pews for our sanctuary expansion. We taught them to sew, and now our pastors don’t have to take their clothes to the tailor anymore! They’ve learned gardening, how to clean the entire building, barista skills for our coffee shop, we’ve got a farm on the property, and they learned how to butcher a cow so they can run our upcoming church butcher shop. We learned about plumbing the week the toilets all got clogged. And next week we are going to figure out which kids enjoy thrill seeking, and have them fix the leak in our roof. We’re saving so much money on labor, because we pay the kids in education…and fun! At least that’s what we’re telling them 😉. It’s also great experience for the kids. By the time they graduate middle school, they’ll be ready to start their own contracting business!”

Child labor laws don’t apply at this homeschool. If you’d like to hire any of the children to complete work around your home, you can contact the church at (308) 55-JESUS

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Dog Anointed With Oil Becomes Powerful Ruler Over 3 Bed 2 Bath House With Attached Garage

Wichita Falls, TX — A local four year old rescued Golden Retriever has unexpectedly become a powerful ruler over his suburban household this week, after being anointed with myrrh oil, imported from Jerusalem. Now known to his family and neighbors as “King Rex,” the blonde canine is enjoying his new life ruling over his human parents and siblings, after previously just being treated as a very good boy.

“Rexy Boy…erm, sorry, I mean…King Rex, was havin’ almost daily anxiety attacks, and I tried evrythang to calm him down, and ain’t nothin’ worked,” Rex’s previous owner/current servant, who asked to just be referred to as Bertha, told us in an interview. “I needed The Holy Spirit’s help with this problem, and I reckon it worked a little too well, and his position in our home became significantly elevated. Now instead of listenin’ to my commands, Rex is the one in charge. We have to drop evrythang for him. If he wants a treat, we have to get him a treat. If he wants to drank from the toilet, we have to let him drank from the toilet. And, he said he’s no longer allowed to have baths. Jesus help us; trackin’ mud and dead bunny guts all over my canary yellow shag carpet! If I wanted to be a slave to my pet, I would’ve just gotten a cat.”

At press time, King Rex plans to continue ruling over his three bed two bath house with attached garage for the next 6-8 years. He is currently enjoying being the head of the family. When asked what his favorite part of his new role is, Rex simply replied, “WOOF!”

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