Category Archives: Messianic Lifestyle

IAMCS To Implement War on Hugs

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Havertown, PA – The Messianic movement is filled with numerous conferences attended by people from all over the nation, and even the world. After not seeing each other for long periods of time, when everyone comes together on the first day of conferences it is inevitable that they love to hug and catch up with their friends. However, over the years things have gotten completely out of control.

The IAMCS/MJAA has announced a campaign called the “War on Hugs,” which is a term to describe the greater, collaborative effort to combat the countless gateway hugs on first days of conferences that lead to extended and pointless small talk, inability to unpack, and enabling of repetitive and/or unoriginal conversation topics.

IAMCS Director of Operations, Rabbi Joel Liberman, commented saying, “We’ve received many complaints from people of all ages. The younger generation is tired of getting hugs from people who only know them through their parents. The older generation is tired of not being able to come up with new conversation topics for the younger generation. And both generations are tired of seeing people show up to the first evening service of conference wearing sweat pants and flip flops because they didn’t have time to unpack!”

The MJAA is already taking action with their annual ARCH Leadership Summit just around the corner. An anonymous source claims they have hired a trained S.W.A.T. team (Sustained Welcome Avoidance Team) to help move people along through the registration lines.

“Of course we want people to greet each other and spread the love of Messiah all throughout conference,” Liberman added, “but we felt that if people are so overwhelmed with hugs and catching up that they can’t even unpack, we may be forced to scrub to the evening service. This is conference, people; not college.”

 

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Beth Hallel Ready to Break Ground on New Messianic Boarding High School Near Atlanta

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Roswell, GA – Beth Hallel Messianic Jewish Synagogue announced this week they, in conjunction with the YMJA, are sponsoring a brand new venture in Messianic Judaism: an all Messianic boarding high school. The school will be the first of its kind, and will allow an alternative to secular or Christian education that caters, specifically, to Messianics.

“Nothing like this exists yet,” said YMJA Ministries Coordinator, Hannah Mann, via Snapchat. “We are so excited to break ground on this amazing project. And by break ground, we mean metaphorically speaking, of course. We still don’t have the funds to make this a reality, but we have faith God will provide the money for it, via GoFundMe. Imagine living year round with your Messianic friends from all around the country, that you normally only get to see over FaceTime. Also, a lot of Messianic parents choose to homeschool their children, because they’re worried what kinds of characters will influence their kids at school. This new school will be a viable alternative to homeschooling. We’ve purchased some land near Beth Hallel, so the students will be able to attend weekly Shabbat services, as well as other holiday and youth events. We’ll have dorms so kids can attend from all over the country. We’ll even have married housing, since you can marry at 16 in Georgia, and well, you know…Messianic Culture; these kids are bound to find spouses at this school, so why wait till they’re 18 to get married, when we can make it so convenient for them?”

A representative for the new school said they are in negotiations with future staff members. They also stated that in the first year, registration will only be open to high school students in the Southeast Region, but they hope to open up enrollment nationwide in the future. If this school succeeds, it may also open up the doors for an all Messianic four year university, just to make sure everyone is sick of each other by the time they earn their bachelor’s degrees.

You may donate to support the project at bethhallel.org or ymja.org, with a GoFundMe page coming soon.

 

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Jonathan Bernis Comes Out as Huge One Direction Fan

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Phoenix, AZ – President of the Greater Messianic Movement, Jonathan Bernis, has finally admitted to being a big fan of the British pop band, One Direction. The announcement came after Bernis assigned the book “The One Thing,” by Gary Keller to those taking his leadership track at the upcoming ARCH Leadership Summit. The book has an eerily similar name to one of One Direction’s biggest hits, “One Thing,” and members of the movement began to speculate that this was not just a coincidence.

“Well, the rumors are true,” Bernis said in an e-mail blast. “I am a huge One Direction fan. I don’t oft listen to secular music, but I do love Dylan, The Grateful Dead, and, of course, One Direction. There’s just something about their haunting melodies and wistful lyrics that reach the depths of my soul. I did intentionally assign a book that had a similar name to my favorite One Direction song. Sadly, once I read it, I realized it had nothing to do with the band, but it was too late. However, I still expect everyone taking the Leadership Track at The Summit to read it.”

Bernis will speak more about his taste in music in the upcoming biography, “Human Like Us,” which will showcase in depth interviews with various Messianic Rabbis and other ministerial leaders, to give us a day to day look at what their lives are like outside of ministry. More information about this book will be forthcoming, through First Fruits of Zion is hoping to release the book before the major summer conferences of 2017.

 

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Muchan Conference Attendees Showcase Every Possible View of the Spanish Synagogue in Prague

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Prague, Czech Republic – The Chosen People Ministries’ Messianic millennial’s conference, Muchan, was held, this past week, in Prague. Unlike most Messianic conferences, Muchan is held in a European city and specifically allows time for conference attendees to sightsee around the area. This year, the conference brought an excursion to the Prague Jewish Quarter, where the entire group decided to take pictures of the Spanish Synagogue, that they would immediately post to their social media accounts. For some people not attending Muchan, this meant seeing the same building, repeatedly, from various friends, in their news feeds.

“It’s incredible,” said conference attendee, David Falkowitz. “Incredible, that we can all post pictures of different angles of the same building and litter everyone’s Facebook and Instagram feeds with the same thing over and over again. It’s like when there’s a rainbow outside; we all have to do our civic duty to make sure anyone not there to witness it in person is still getting the full experience. The greatest view of all was the bathroom, though. It was just….breathtaking.”

Muchan typically takes place in a different European city every two years, but the next one is slated to be held on The Moon in 2020. For more information about Muchan, please head over to www.muchanconference.com

 

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Eighth Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this season.

Seventh Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
 
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
 
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
 
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
 
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

Sixth Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

MJAA Will Only Renew Your Membership in 2017 if You Type “Amen” and Share Their Facebook Post

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Springfield, PA – The Messianic Jewish Alliance of America announced, this week, a change in policy for renewing membership for 2017. In the past you were able to just fill out a short form, pay the annual membership fee, and be on your merry way. But it’s a new day and The MJAA likes to stay on top of social media trends. Membership renewal will be no exception to this.

“Most organizations will up the membership fee every now and again, in order to keep up with inflation,” explained MJAA Treasurer, Rabbi Eric Lakatos. “In lieu of raising the fee, we opted to offset the cost by ensuring that all MJAA members are serious about being part of our organization. The way we do this is simple; in early 2017 we will be posting on Facebook about our membership fees staying the same price. If you’d like to renew your membership for 2017 you must do three things: 1) You must like our Facebook page 2) You must type ‘Amen’ on the post about membership 3) You must share our post with all of your friends. We are keeping track of who is following directions and your membership will not be renewed if you do not complete these steps, which will force you to pay full price for all your stays at The Rosen.”

MJAA membership is expected to drop greatly in 2017 due to people who do not follow these directions, as well as those rare few who are not on Facebook. For more information about MJAA membership you may visit http://mjaa.org/membership/

 

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Fifth Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
 
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
 
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
 
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
 
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

Local Jewish Couple Accidentally Buys Gym Membership From the YMJA

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Ft. Lauderdale, FL – A South Florida couple has accidentally purchased a gym membership from the Young Messianic Jewish Alliance of America. While searching for local YMCAs in their area, the couple accidentally stumbled upon the YMJA website.

The couple claims that after going onto the YMJA website, they were immediately drawn to choosing this location as their new gym, because of the effective marketing campaign put in place by the YMJA.

Sandy Rosenplaza had this to say on the matter: “The entire YMJA website was filled with slogans talking about ‘challenging young people’ and ‘getting involved, excited, and revived,’ which really caught our attention initially.” However, Sandy’s husband, Harold, claims that, “What really sealed the deal was the one-time only down payment of just $10.00 for a year-long membership!”

The YMJA, on the other hand, had a very interesting perspective on the mix up. A spokesperson for the YMJA claims that this is how the real story went: “The Rosenplazas reached out to us and inquired about our workout plans, and we told them that the YMJA and MJAA are always looking for opportunities to sit down with the greater Jewish community to work out our theological differences! However, we were a little confused as to why they were so adamant about paying us $10.00 for a membership, when they are clearly past the age of 30…”

 

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