Category Archives: Millennials

Muchan 2020 To Be Held on the Moon

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New York City, NY – Chosen People Ministries announced this week that the next Muchan Conference for International Messianics between ages 18 and 35 will be held on the Moon. Muchan, which is Hebrew for “ready,” will have its 2016 conference in Prague, while the previous incarnations were held in Berlin, Paris, and Madrid, respectively.

“We wanted to switch things up a bit,” said a young Chosen People Missionary who asked to only be referred to as ‘RK.’ “There are so many Messianic conferences happening throughout the year, we knew holding ours in Europe would be something different. But we’re running out of European cities that people don’t normally associate with being Jewish, so we had to figure out an even more unique place to hold the 2020 conference. The Moon is really the only option left and it’s perfect! It’s never been done before. Not even Jonathan Bernis has done anything with the Moon before. We’re going to be pioneers!”

RK said he wasn’t sure exactly how transportation was going to work for the 2020 Muchan Moon, but said he is certain it’s going to happen. For more information about Muchan please visit muchanconference.com

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500 Likes on Facebook!

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Hi everyone! Six weeks ago today I posted my first article. Tonight we hit 500 page likes on Facebook!! I just want to thank everyone that has supported me through this left field idea I had, through your emotional support, your likes, comments, and shares. My primary love language is words of affirmation, so this means EVERYTHING to me that people like my work.

I am not a writer by nature and it is way out of my comfort zone to do so, so when I started I had no idea if I would be able to keep this up for more than a few articles and I certainly wasn’t expecting to start making memes or to get 500 page likes in six weeks.

My goal is to get to 1,000 fans and when we get there, we’re going to do something interactive and I’m going to give YOU guys a chance to make ME laugh. But, in order to get there, I need your help in sharing my page, my articles, and my memes with your friends.

And if you haven’t “liked” The Messianic Meow on Facebook please do so.

Thanks again. You guys are awesome!!! #500 🙂

Special Congregational Worship Night Turns Into Two Straight Hours of the Song “Good Good Father”

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Brooklyn, NY – A special congregational worship night at Beth Tikvah Messianic Congregation turned into an endless loop of “Good Good Father” after The Spirit moved the worship leaders around and around in a circle until they couldn’t spin anymore. Unsuspecting attending congregants kept waiting for the song to change and it never did.

“We’ve had this worship night planned for quite a while,” said worship leader, Sarah Levy. “Honestly, I had never even heard the song ‘Good Good Father’ before, and then my friend, Danielle Tokajer, told me her husband, Rabbi David Tokajer, sings the song in the shower every single day and that inspired me to listen to it. The song was just so magical. I got caught up in it and just couldn’t stop playing it. This song is really a blessing to everyone that hears it. I also know Joshua Aaron is working on a Hebrew translation and we can’t wait to be able to start using “Tov Tov Abba” as a tool to worship The Lord in addition to the English version.”

Levy says they plan on having these special worship nights periodically, especially with the release of her upcoming album “Good Good Album” which is due out sometime this fall. For samples of Sarah’s music and to tell her to stop singing this bloody awful overdone song, please visit www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

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Who remembers LOLCATS? Well this is the Jewish version! 😀

Messianic Times Introduces New Affiliate Web Site Yeshuaslist.org

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Pensacola, FL – The Messianic Times had a special announcement this week as they prepare to release a new Messianic version of Craigslist. The classifieds web site is being rolled out just in time for the upcoming high holiday season, giving everyone a comprehensive list of all Messianic high holiday services nationwide.

“It’s necessary,” said Messianic Times Director, Rabbi Eric Tokajer. “People want to know what’s happening, not just in their own city, but in the greater Messianic community. What if someone wants to visit another city or even relocate? This will enable them to see what’s out there and maybe even find a new job, congregation, or a place to stay. Messianics want to connect with their friends across the globe and this is the most effective way to do that.”

The new web site will be set up similarly to Craigslist: it will be broken down by city/state, and it will have job postings, property rentals and sales, congregational events, and of course personals. While not every subcategory from Craigslist will appear on Yeshuaslist, such as “Casual Encounters,” Yeshuaslist will see new subcategories such as “Conference Crushes,” rendering the Twitter account Messianic_Crush obsolete.

Tokajer said that having this web site as its own entity and not just a page on messianictimes.com will garner more attention to both web sites, drawing a much larger audience to both mediums. Yeshuaslist.org will allow anyone to post ads and is expected to be a pillar in the realm of Messianic social networking. Sadly, the release date is still classified.

Baruch HaShem Messianic Synagogue to Roll Out New Pumpkin Spice Communion Wafers

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Dallas, TX – It was announced this week that Baruch HaShem Messianic Synagogue in Dallas would be producing new pumpkin spice flavored communion wafers, just in time for the fall season. The new wafers don’t pair particularly well with grape juice, but they do pair well with current trends in the first world.

“We want to make sure we are keeping up with nationwide trends so that we can stay relevant,” said Rabbi Ari Waldman of Baruch HaShem. Waldman, who is currently pulling double duty as the South Central Messianic Chief Innovator of Relevance, as well as the head coach of The Dallas Brisket, said the idea came to him in a pumpkin spice latte induced dream late last year. “We don’t actually have fall weather here in Dallas, but we like to pretend that we do. The best way to do that is to just binge on pumpkin spice everything. Something about doing that just makes the air feel a little more crisp than the 75º that it normally is.”

The new communion wafers will be produced and distributed in conjunction with the Gateway Church Jewish Ministry and will be available starting Monday, August 29th via both Gateway Church and the Baruch HaShem Messianic Synagogue Judaica Shop. The wafers will be available both online and in person and can be purchased in bulk by any church or synagogue wanting to spice up their communion service. Literally.

High School Student Comes to Faith After Finding Pokémon GO Gym at Local Messianic Congregation

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Prospect Heights, IL – 16 year old Jesse Hoffman wandered into a Pokémon GO Gym at Olive Tree Congregation in Prospect Heights, IL earlier this week and walked out with a new friend named Yeshua. The junior in high school says he was just trying to chase after a Charizard and wasn’t expecting to find The Messiah in the process.

Congregational Leader, Dan Strull, says, “Jesse came to Olive Tree to find a Char…what is it? Well anyway, he thought he was trying to win a game, but we are trying to win hearts for Yeshua and I think that’s what we have done here today. Honestly, I couldn’t even tell you what the game is about, I just know we have droves of high school and college kids coming to a building they wouldn’t normally enter and they’re leaving with a new fire in their hearts that you can’t put a price on.”

Many churches and Messianic congregations across the country are adding Pokémon GO gyms and Pokéstops as an outreach to attract non believers who wouldn’t feel like they had a reason to be there otherwise. Hoffman says it was a great idea, because he was able to get his Charizard, as well as a Snorlax, a bunch of free food, his first bible, and a T-shirt that says, “I went to the Olive Tree Congregation Pokémon GO Gym and all I got was SAVED!”

For more information on what Jesus would do with a Pikachu, please visit your local Messianic Pokéstop or contact info@ymja.org

Uber to Start Delivering Bibles

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San Francisco, CA – The taxi alternative company, Uber, announced this week it would start delivering bibles to Atheists during their lunch breaks from work. What started as a service to transport people, more recently began transporting puppies and pizza as well. Now in a partnership with Kirk Cameron and Gideons International, Uber will be able to bring scripture to those in need.

“We want to make sure that everyone knows we’re more than just a transportation company; we’re an innovative 21st century company for the people!” Uber CEO, Travis Kalanick, said in a recent interview. “People need a ride somewhere, but they also need puppies and food delivered to them. So we had to think, what else can we bring to our customers? Maybe something they didn’t even know they needed. And that’s when Kirk [Cameron] said we need to just throw bibles at people while they’re trying to eat lunch. The man is brilliant!”

Uber will begin delivering bibles on Monday, August 29th in the form of the NIV, the NKJV, and The Message, as well as the abbreviated pocket sized Gideon bibles that will include only the New Testament plus Proverbs and Psalms. Bibles will be available to order via the Uber app in addition to being dropped off for unsuspecting Atheists. When asked how he came up with the idea, Cameron stated, “One day I just had a revelation…”

Brews for Jesus Acquires Starbucks in $10.5 Billion Deal

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San Francisco, CA – Brews for Jesus, a division of Jews for Jesus, acquired Starbucks this week in an astonishing $10.5 billion dollar deal. Jews for Jesus, an outreach to Jewish non believers, is constantly striving to think outside of the box to share The Gospel and has found that cold brew coffee is one of the most effective ways to do just that.

Since 2014, Jews for Jesus has been giving complimentary cups of coffee as part of their outreaches. “We’ve been testing out the cafe concept in our Sydney, Australia branch and it’s been very successful, so we knew we were ready for the big time,” said David Brickner, Executive Director of Jews for Jesus. “However, at the end of the day we are still a non profit organization and we knew we just didn’t have the funds that Starbucks would require from us to make this acquisition happen, so we had a 60 day prayer campaign leading up to the meeting. Steve Katz, who is the North American Director of Jews for Jesus, and I walked into the meeting with Howard Schultz, the Chairman and CEO of Starbucks and Kevin Johnson, the President and COO of Starbucks. We asked them what they were for and they both just started bawling and handed us the company at a huge discount. We are so grateful that we’ll be able to reach so many more non believing coffee loving Jewish people through this ministry. And just for the record, we do plan to keep all of your favorite drinks, just with different names. Keep your eyes peeled for the Lai Lai Latte, the Messianic Mocha, and the Strawberry Sortie.”

The acquisition should be complete by the end of fourth quarter 2016. No word yet on what will happen to Starbucks’ other concepts, such as Teavana and Evolution Fresh Juice, though Brickner did hint at big plans for those brands as well.