Muchan 2020 To Be Held on the Moon

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New York City, NY – Chosen People Ministries announced this week that the next Muchan Conference for International Messianics between ages 18 and 35 will be held on the Moon. Muchan, which is Hebrew for “ready,” will have its 2016 conference in Prague, while the previous incarnations were held in Berlin, Paris, and Madrid, respectively.

“We wanted to switch things up a bit,” said a young Chosen People Missionary who asked to only be referred to as ‘RK.’ “There are so many Messianic conferences happening throughout the year, we knew holding ours in Europe would be something different. But we’re running out of European cities that people don’t normally associate with being Jewish, so we had to figure out an even more unique place to hold the 2020 conference. The Moon is really the only option left and it’s perfect! It’s never been done before. Not even Jonathan Bernis has done anything with the Moon before. We’re going to be pioneers!”

RK said he wasn’t sure exactly how transportation was going to work for the 2020 Muchan Moon, but said he is certain it’s going to happen. For more information about Muchan please visit muchanconference.com

Jonathan Bernis Confirms Second Yeshualand Location Will Be in Arizona

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Phoenix, AZ – After much speculation about the new Messianic Jewish theme park Yeshualand potentially opening a location near Phoenix, Jonathan Bernis, President and CEO of Jewish Voice Ministries International has confirmed that there will, in fact, be a Yeshualand location opening in Arizona, just in time for holiday vacations in December.

After months of searching, Bernis says they were finally able to secure nearly 400 acres of land about an hour outside of Phoenix. In addition to all the great features of Yeshualand Ethiopia, Yeshualand Arizona will have new rides and attractions, including The Mikveh Machine, a quicksand pit, The Jude and Jennifer Carousel-o, and a giant lego firewalk.

The theme park will also have extra stages and a campground in the hopes that AMF 2.0 will choose to hold their event there, as they can technically hold it in Arizona and still be called “AMF.” At the very least, Bernis hopes The Havdalah Spice Girls will have a residency at the park. Bernis said the campground will also be a haven for travelers during Sukkot, starting in 2017, and said those wishing to build their Sukkahs there will get a special discount, in addition to a Sukkah building contest and other fun activities specific to the holiday.

Additionally, there will also be a one of a kind bible themed McDonald’s that will offer such items as Jonah and the Filet-O-Fish, Adam’s McBeefRib, the McYeshua, and the Big Maccabee. Bernis believes that having The Golden Arches on premises will attract the annual Golden ARCH Leadership Summit to Arizona, rather than holding the event at the ever unpopular Rosen Plaza Hotel in Orlando.

Annual passes to Yeshualand Arizona will be available to the public starting in November and will start at $1800 per family up to six; quite a metziah! Stay tuned for more information about Yeshualand Arizona and other locations to come.

MLR 2017 Will Be An African Safari in Kenya

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Phoenix, AZ – Jonathan Bernis, President and CEO of Jewish Voice Ministries International, announced this week that the Messianic Leadership Roundtable (MLR) will be held in the African nation of Kenya in 2017 and will partly take place during an African Safari. The annual conference brings together Rabbis and other leaders from all organizations of the Messianic movement and, other than the upcoming Conference Conference and AMF 2.0, is the only true non partisan Messianic conference.

“The 2017 MLR will be the 10th annual conference and we want to do something special to commemorate the milestone,” Bernis stated in a recent YouTube video. “The MLR is normally in Phoenix, where Jewish Voice is headquartered, but we did hold the conference on a cruise last year and it was a big hit. So I had to think, how can I top that for our big 10th anniversary leadership extravaganza? And then it hit me…an African safari! It’s perfect. What better way to learn how to lead a congregation than by gazing at God’s great glory that is wildlife in its natural habitat? And anybody that would like to stay in Africa a little bit longer can bring their name tag from the conference into my new theme park, Yeshualand, for half price admission and a free refillable giraffe shaped soda cup!”

The MLR seeks to promote unity and fellowship among leaders called to Jewish ministry and is open to any leader of a Messianic congregation, para-congregational ministry, or pastor of a church that provides a Jewish ministry within the church. For more information about the MLR please visit www.jewishvoice.org/mlr/

UPDATE: We’ve just received word from AMF 2.0 that they are not actually a conference and, therefore, cannot be referred to as a non partisan Messianic conference.

Tree of Life Version Bible Changes Name to The Real Complete Jewish Bible

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Rome, GA – Big news out of Rome, GA this week as The Messianic Jewish Family Bible Society announced this week that the Tree of Life Version Bible (TLV) would officially be changing its name to The Real Complete Jewish Bible (RCJB). Just three days after announcing the release of the new Tree of Life Family Bible, the new name change comes as sort of a shock, and also sort of not.

“As far as we know, we’re the first official Messianic Jewish translation of The Bible,” Daniah Greenberg, President and CEO of The Messianic Jewish Family Bible Society, said in an early Monday morning press conference. “Calling it the Tree of Life Version Bible doesn’t really tell people what our translation stands for, whereas ‘The Real Complete Jewish Bible’ lets everyone know…this is a Jewish translation. This is not a translation where The Messiah is called Jesus Christ and this is not a translation where 1st and 2nd Chronicles come before Isaiah. Besides, what is ‘TLV?’ That’s not a bible translation, that’s an airport code! RCJB will be much more widely recognized as a Messianic Jewish biblical translation than TLV is, though I can’t figure out why.”

The Messianic Jewish Family Bible Society plans to liquidate their inventory of bibles with the old name and start producing bibles with the new name in early 2017. For more information on how to purchase the TLV or the RCJB please visit treeoflifeversion.com or familybiblesociety.org

First Fruits of Zion Releases New Messianic Jewish Version of The Torah

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Marshfield, MO – Messianic Jewish publisher First Fruits of Zion has released a new version of The Torah specifically for Messianics. “97% of American Messianics don’t read Hebrew,” says Boaz Michael, the Founder and Director of First Fruits Of Zion. “Either they weren’t raised in a synagogue at all and didn’t have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah or they were raised in a Messianic congregation that didn’t have an adequate Hebrew school. These people are missing out during their Torah services, as they aren’t actually able to read from The Torah as it is. What we’ve done here is streamline it for Non Hebrew Reading Messianics (or NHRM for short) so they can also be called to The Torah during their congregation’s Shabbat services or other holidays.”

The new version of The Torah will be entirely transliterated and have the words “lai lai lai” at the end of every Parsha passage, so that NHRM know exactly what to chant and when to stop. This will also eliminate the need for the many NHRM support groups that exist nationwide.

“The Messianic Jewish Torah” is now available to ship anywhere in The U.S. and Canada, including Alaska and Hawaii. For more information on pricing and how to obtain a copy for your congregation, please visit ffoz.org

Jonathan Bernis Set to Open New Messianic Jewish Themed Amusement Park in Ethiopia

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Phoenix, AZ – Jonathan Bernis, President and CEO of Jewish Voice Ministries International, announced this week he would be opening the first ever Messianic Jewish theme park. The aptly named “Yeshualand” will span 300 acres and be located in Gondar, Ethiopia. “I’m very pleased with this project,” Bernis said in a recent press conference. “We broke ground earlier this year and the park should be open soon. Yeshualand will greatly help stimulate the economy of Ethiopia. We’re only going to be hiring locals and the revenue produced from Yeshualand will enable us to open a hospital in Gondar, as well as provide clean water to all of the surrounding areas.”

Yeshualand will boast 13 roller coasters, five stages, three children’s areas, countless games, and over 45 different restaurants and food stands. For the MJAA Rabbis there will be an old-timey ice cream shoppe, for the UMJC Rabbis there will be a cigar bar, and if you need to get between them, there will be a monorail that runs solely on the energy exuded from Rabbi Kokeb Gedamu.

Of the 13 roller coasters, one will have a world record number of loops. At one point it will even feel like you’ve been turned upside down for seven years. Just when you think it can’t turn you upside down again, it does. This roller coaster will simply be named “Messianic Judaism.”

Yeshualand is planning their Grand Opening for August 14th, 2016. For more information about Yeshualand and the humanitarian work Jewish Voice Ministries International does in Ethiopia and other African nations please visit jewishvoice.org