Category Archives: Entertainment

MLR 2017 Will Be An African Safari in Kenya

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Phoenix, AZ – Jonathan Bernis, President and CEO of Jewish Voice Ministries International, announced this week that the Messianic Leadership Roundtable (MLR) will be held in the African nation of Kenya in 2017 and will partly take place during an African Safari. The annual conference brings together Rabbis and other leaders from all organizations of the Messianic movement and, other than the upcoming Conference Conference and AMF 2.0, is the only true non partisan Messianic conference.

“The 2017 MLR will be the 10th annual conference and we want to do something special to commemorate the milestone,” Bernis stated in a recent YouTube video. “The MLR is normally in Phoenix, where Jewish Voice is headquartered, but we did hold the conference on a cruise last year and it was a big hit. So I had to think, how can I top that for our big 10th anniversary leadership extravaganza? And then it hit me…an African safari! It’s perfect. What better way to learn how to lead a congregation than by gazing at God’s great glory that is wildlife in its natural habitat? And anybody that would like to stay in Africa a little bit longer can bring their name tag from the conference into my new theme park, Yeshualand, for half price admission and a free refillable giraffe shaped soda cup!”

The MLR seeks to promote unity and fellowship among leaders called to Jewish ministry and is open to any leader of a Messianic congregation, para-congregational ministry, or pastor of a church that provides a Jewish ministry within the church. For more information about the MLR please visit www.jewishvoice.org/mlr/

UPDATE: We’ve just received word from AMF 2.0 that they are not actually a conference and, therefore, cannot be referred to as a non partisan Messianic conference.

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Exposé: Closet-Messianic Celebrities Outed by Big Mouthed Members of the Community

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Bob Dylan, Lynda Carter, Glen Campbell, Gabby Douglas, Justin Bieber. None of these people are actually Messianic…or are they??

The rumors have flown throughout the Messianic Movement for years. “So and so came to my congregation with their girlfriend, grandmother, etc.” “I met them!” “My cousin’s Father’s next door neighbor’s sister’s dog sat next to them at Shul.” Blah blah blah.

But what is the truth? The Messianic Meow investigates:

Wikipedia has confirmed that Glen Campbell considers himself to be Messianic.

Stacy Goebbel of Beth Messiah Columbus confirms that Gabby Douglas has been to her congregation on more than one occasion.

Googling Lynda Carter has confirmed that she attends or at least previously attended a Messianic Congregation at one point.

Justin Bieber has a tattoo in Hebrew that says “Yeshua,” but really, do we even want him?? 😛

And Bob Dylan…well, every single Baby Boomer Messianic has done drugs with Bob Dylan before they became a believer, including the late David Ben-Gurion. Or so they say.

Each of these celebrities probably just wants to be left alone to live their life, but will that happen? Well, my friends, they’ve chosen to be part of the wrong culture if they don’t want word to get around faster than Usain Bolt finds new Brazilian girlfriends.

Of course we’d love to claim them all as our own, but if they really wanted that, we wouldn’t have to dig. We’ve definitely got Shae Wilbur and Avi Kaplan of Pentatonix, so let’s worry about more important things, like what kind of spread will be at Oneg on Saturday.

Until next time, this has been The Messianic Meow Investigates.

Messianic Times Introduces New Affiliate Web Site Yeshuaslist.org

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Pensacola, FL – The Messianic Times had a special announcement this week as they prepare to release a new Messianic version of Craigslist. The classifieds web site is being rolled out just in time for the upcoming high holiday season, giving everyone a comprehensive list of all Messianic high holiday services nationwide.

“It’s necessary,” said Messianic Times Director, Rabbi Eric Tokajer. “People want to know what’s happening, not just in their own city, but in the greater Messianic community. What if someone wants to visit another city or even relocate? This will enable them to see what’s out there and maybe even find a new job, congregation, or a place to stay. Messianics want to connect with their friends across the globe and this is the most effective way to do that.”

The new web site will be set up similarly to Craigslist: it will be broken down by city/state, and it will have job postings, property rentals and sales, congregational events, and of course personals. While not every subcategory from Craigslist will appear on Yeshuaslist, such as “Casual Encounters,” Yeshuaslist will see new subcategories such as “Conference Crushes,” rendering the Twitter account Messianic_Crush obsolete.

Tokajer said that having this web site as its own entity and not just a page on messianictimes.com will garner more attention to both web sites, drawing a much larger audience to both mediums. Yeshuaslist.org will allow anyone to post ads and is expected to be a pillar in the realm of Messianic social networking. Sadly, the release date is still classified.

High School Student Comes to Faith After Finding Pokémon GO Gym at Local Messianic Congregation

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Prospect Heights, IL – 16 year old Jesse Hoffman wandered into a Pokémon GO Gym at Olive Tree Congregation in Prospect Heights, IL earlier this week and walked out with a new friend named Yeshua. The junior in high school says he was just trying to chase after a Charizard and wasn’t expecting to find The Messiah in the process.

Congregational Leader, Dan Strull, says, “Jesse came to Olive Tree to find a Char…what is it? Well anyway, he thought he was trying to win a game, but we are trying to win hearts for Yeshua and I think that’s what we have done here today. Honestly, I couldn’t even tell you what the game is about, I just know we have droves of high school and college kids coming to a building they wouldn’t normally enter and they’re leaving with a new fire in their hearts that you can’t put a price on.”

Many churches and Messianic congregations across the country are adding Pokémon GO gyms and Pokéstops as an outreach to attract non believers who wouldn’t feel like they had a reason to be there otherwise. Hoffman says it was a great idea, because he was able to get his Charizard, as well as a Snorlax, a bunch of free food, his first bible, and a T-shirt that says, “I went to the Olive Tree Congregation Pokémon GO Gym and all I got was SAVED!”

For more information on what Jesus would do with a Pikachu, please visit your local Messianic Pokéstop or contact info@ymja.org

Jeff Seif Gets Knighted, Becomes Sir Officer Rabbi Dr. Professor Seif

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Dallas, TX – On a recent trip to Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament, Rabbi Dr. Jeffrey Seif participated in a knighting ceremony, in which he was dubbed “Sir Jeffrey of Multiple Talents and Professions.” Seif, who is also an active Police Officer and a Professor at Kings University, somehow still has time in his life to enjoy dinner and a show.

“So I lead a congregation, teach, fight crime, save lives, coordinate bible translations, speak at every single convention, conference, and retreat I’m asked, and sometimes I like to joust. Nu?” Seif was heard to say. “Sleep? Never heard of it! Really, at this point, I’m just trying to collect titles. I like to stand out from the crowd. Besides, I kind of like the idea of a Rabbi in shining armor!”

Self’s future plans include law school and a certificate in accounting, but for now he said he just wants to focus on molding the minds of the future titleholders of tomorrow. His wife, Barri, also asked that she now be addressed as Dr. Mrs. Sir Officer Rabbi Dr. Professor Seif.

Beckah Shae, Sharon Wilbur, Misha Goetz, Elisha Chernoff, and Rebecca Rudolf to Form First Ever All Female Messianic Pop Super Group “The Havdalah Spice Girls”

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Nashville, TN – It was announced this week that five of the leading female vocalists in Messianic Judaism would be joining together to form a new all female pop super group called “The Havdalah Spice Girls.” Beckah Shae, Sharon Wilbur, Misha Goetz, Elisha Chernoff, and Rebecca Rudolf have each seen individual success in their own way, but collectively decided they would be able to make a bigger statement by combining forces.

“The Messianic Music scene is very male dominated,” stated Chernoff. “We want to change that.  My Dad [Joel Chernoff] helped pave the way for Messianic music and Sharon [Wilbur, née Chernoff] and I were very blessed to grow up around that. Now we want to continue paving that way for women in the movement. We’ve had a lot of fun working together and have even given each other new nicknames: Beckah is Mama Spice, Sharon is Famous Spice, Misha is Shy Spice, Rebecca is Dancer Spice, and I’m Cute-as-a-button Spice!”

The Havdalah Spice Girls will incorporate singing, dancing choreogaphed by Rudolf, and lots of fashion tips for adoring fans. They are scheduled to perform at Messiah ’17 and AMF 2.0. Their first album “Besamim” will be available on iTunes later this year. You can also catch Misha in her Broadway debut this fall in the new musical “They Tried to Kill Us, We Won, Let’s Eat.”

Marty Goetz Pens New Broadway Musical “They Tried To Kill Us, We Won, Let’s Eat”

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Nashville, TN – Singer/Songwriter, Marty Goetz, who is often hailed as a Modern Day Psalmist, has written his first public musical. The new musical “They Tried To Kill Us, We Won, Let’s Eat,” will make its debut this fall. Goetz’s musical centers on a dysfunctional Jewish family in Ohio who is trying to sort out their faith as they eat their way through the Jewish holidays.

Songs include “How Many Egg Rolls Will You Eat Tonight?”, “Why Don’t Your Matzah Balls Float Like My Mother’s?”, “Chanukah Bush,” and “Cousin Mordechai is Coming to Town.” Goetz’s sure to be Tony Award winning songbook draws inspiration from Sondheim, Rodgers and Hammerstein, and Adolph Green.

Goetz’s daughter, Misha, stars as Hannah, the well meaning adult daughter and Mother of three, who can’t cook her way out of a paper bag. This lighthearted, yet thought-provoking show is sure to stir up all of your emotions. Join The Goldman Family for tears, laughter, and lots of Chinese take-out, as they stumble their way through the Hebrew calendar.

Pre-Broadway previews begin on September 18th at The Playhouse Square in Cleveland. Tickets are available through Ticketmaster and MartyGoetz.com

National Messianic Softball League to Hold Tryouts for Inaugural Season

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Nationwide – The newly formed National Messianic Softball League will be holding tryouts throughout the country for its inaugural season.

Tryouts will be held in various cities across America for the following 12 teams:

The Florida Feigenbaums

The Chicago Shlemazls

The Los Angeles Latkes

The Dallas Brisket

The Houston Hummus

The Philadelphia Phosphates

The New York Corned Beef and Swiss on Rye with Russian Dressing on the Side

The Seattle Chametz

The Atlanta Mylanta

The Mid-Atlantic MLR

The Arizona Afternoon Naps

and The Ohio Ohios

Teams will travel across the country to play against each other during the regular season, which will take place April 16th, 2017- June 30th, 2017. The championship game will be held on Starry Field at Messiah College in Grantham, Pennsylvania on July 4th, 2017 at 2:13pm JST (Jewish Standard Time). What better way to celebrate America’s birthday than with America’s favorite pastime wannabe?

The winning team will receive the coveted “Golden Kugel” and all other players will receive a participation trophy. Great season, guys!

Jonathan Bernis Set to Open New Messianic Jewish Themed Amusement Park in Ethiopia

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Phoenix, AZ – Jonathan Bernis, President and CEO of Jewish Voice Ministries International, announced this week he would be opening the first ever Messianic Jewish theme park. The aptly named “Yeshualand” will span 300 acres and be located in Gondar, Ethiopia. “I’m very pleased with this project,” Bernis said in a recent press conference. “We broke ground earlier this year and the park should be open soon. Yeshualand will greatly help stimulate the economy of Ethiopia. We’re only going to be hiring locals and the revenue produced from Yeshualand will enable us to open a hospital in Gondar, as well as provide clean water to all of the surrounding areas.”

Yeshualand will boast 13 roller coasters, five stages, three children’s areas, countless games, and over 45 different restaurants and food stands. For the MJAA Rabbis there will be an old-timey ice cream shoppe, for the UMJC Rabbis there will be a cigar bar, and if you need to get between them, there will be a monorail that runs solely on the energy exuded from Rabbi Kokeb Gedamu.

Of the 13 roller coasters, one will have a world record number of loops. At one point it will even feel like you’ve been turned upside down for seven years. Just when you think it can’t turn you upside down again, it does. This roller coaster will simply be named “Messianic Judaism.”

Yeshualand is planning their Grand Opening for August 14th, 2016. For more information about Yeshualand and the humanitarian work Jewish Voice Ministries International does in Ethiopia and other African nations please visit jewishvoice.org