Guest Post by Hannah Wunder | How to be a Basic Kvetch: Messianic Edition

Basic Kvetch

The Torah, consisting of five books, is the basics of the Bible. Like the Bible, the Basic Kvetch has to have five basic things that solidify her identity as a Basic Kvetch. Don’t be caught at the Synagogue without these five essential things:

1) Tree of Life Version Bible (TLV)

The TLV bible is the new “King James.” Created by The Messianic Jewish Family Bible Society, the Basic Kvetch should never be caught reading any other translation. Don’t even try to quote some fancy new version of the Bible to another Basic Kvetch at Synagogue; that’s just wrong.

2) Scarf/Head-covering

A light scarf that will be a great head-covering, Shabbat morning, at Synagogue, will show just how holy you are. It also doubles as a great accessory for any Saturday night shenanigans a Basic Kvetch may find herself involved in.

3) Long “Twirl” Skirt

Every Basic Kvetch knows that, “The longer the skirt, the longer you’ve been in the movement.” Make sure it twirls to make your Davidic dancing extra special for any onlookers (AKA potential husbands).

4) Big Purse/Bag

Keep everything you need to go from Synagogue Saturday morning to your Synagogue crush’s family’s house for Havdalah (or possibly those shenanigans we talked about earlier). A Basic Kvetch is always prepared for any situation that might present itself.

5) Crock Pot

Lastly, every Basic Kvetch knows to make sure she brings her best recipe for Oneg in her personal slow cooker. It shows potential mates just how good of a homemaker a Basic Kvetch really can be.

Now that you know the five essential items to have, don’t ever be caught without them; It could be detrimental to your future as a wife, and, most importantly, a Basic Kvetch.

 

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Guest Post by Craig Arbour | Dr. Michael Brown Announces 2017 Writing Schedule

MichaelBrown

During his hit radio show “The Line of Fire,” noted Messianic Apologist and author, Dr. Michael Brown, apologized for his light 2017 writing schedule.

“I am currently only working on 16 books this year,” said Dr. Brown. I had hoped for more. However, the radio show, my 435 speaking engagements, 23 debates, three Israel tours, my new exercise regimen, and trip to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach’s son’s wedding is limiting my time.

I will maintain my current goal of 365-700 articles, published on various websites.

When asked for comment about Dr. Michael Brown’s schedule, Sir Officer Rabbi Dr. Professor Seif was quoted as saying, “Not everyone can keep up.”

For more Information on Dr. Michael Brown visit www.askdrbrown.org

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

YMJA Announces Extreme South Regional Retreat In Antarctica

Pang Pangs

In response to the overwhelming success of their various regional conferences, the YMJA has announced the first ever youth-only Extreme South regional retreat, which will be the first regional conference to take place outside of the United States. The event will take place in January of 2018, and will be held at McMurdo base in Antarctica.

“We’re very excited to announce this new regional retreat,” said YMJA President Jason Rich. “It’s a fantastic opportunity for all of our YMJA members who are currently conducting scientific research at the South Pole, as well as those who would simply enjoy the change of scenery, to gather together and focus on their spiritual walks. This will be a true retreat, even more so than any of our other conferences – a chance to get away from all of life’s distractions and focus on fellowship and drawing closer to God.”

Obviously, the retreat’s polar location has prompted some adjustments to the YMJA’s usual retreat format. Rather than being set for a specific place and time, outdoor events such as the snowman competition, the penguin safari and the ice fishing will be scheduled to occur somewhere within a certain time range, with the precise time and location announced shortly before the event based on weather and leopard seal sightings. Indoor events will still have specified times, but since the base functions primarily as a research station, the events may shift locations due to the needs of the site’s staff.

The unusual site has also prompted some additions and tweaks to the rules. For example, the YMJA’s infamous modesty motto, “If your belly button shows, you’ve got to change your clothes,” has been altered to better suit the situation of the retreat’s extreme climate; as such, attendees will instead be informed that, “If your belly button shows, remember these helpful tips to prevent frostbite.” Also, in a move sure to please the under 18 crowd, the usual midnight curfew has been waived. The reason for this change is that it was judged superfluous in a facility where all outdoor travel requires the presence of a qualified chaperone due to the cold and the need to protect the environment from excess human interference. Additionally, the YMJA leadership team has specifically asked that people refrain from bringing a particular item. “We realize that the temptation must be great to watch the movie ‘The Thing’ while you’re in Antarctica,” said YMJA treasurer Ravi Goldberg. “After all, it takes place at the very facility we’ll be staying at. However due to its R rating, we ask that attendees not bring or watch the movie while at the retreat.”

As for the cost of attending, which may be high due to the exorbitant rental fees charged by the base for use of their facilities, Goldberg says that some financial assistance will be available for those unable to cover the expense. “We don’t want the cost to force anyone to miss out on this wonderful opportunity,” he said. “Sadly we can’t do anything about travel expenses, but we will have a limited number of scholarships available to cover the price of the conference.”

For those interested in attending, details including registration information will soon be available on the YMJA website. And if you are looking to come out, President Rich has one last piece of advice for you. “Whatever you do,” he says, “don’t forget your coat!”

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Is Jesus the Jewish Messiah?

We’ll be back soon with more articles. In the meantime, there is going to be a debate tonight between Dr. Michael Brown and Rabbi Daniel Freitag about whether or not Jesus is the Jewish Messiah. It will be live streamed at this link tonight at 7pm EDT/6pm CDT. Check it out and share with your friends (this is not a joke)!

 

EDIT: If you’d like to view the archived video, you may watch it here.

Words with Friends Doesn’t Know

Oh, Words with Friends; you don’t even know.

WordsWithFriendsLai