Category Archives: Christianity

Stuart Dauermann to Fast From Sarcasm for Yom Kippur

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Los Angeles, CA – Rabbi Stuart Dauermann announced this week he is planning to fast from sarcasm, in addition to food, for Yom Kippur this year. Yom Kippur, also known as The Day of Atonement, is one of the two holiest days on the Hebrew calendar, along with the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashanah. On Yom Kippur, Jews are commanded not to work, and fast from food and other pleasurable things, in order to atone for their sins. While a lot of Jews derive most of their earthly pleasures from food, others feel the same way about other things as well.

“When you fast from food on Yom Kippur every single year, sometimes it feels like it’s not enough,” said Dauermann in a YouTube video announcement. “The only thing I love more than food is my caustic wit, so fasting from sarcasm seemed like both the most logical and the hardest thing to do. Fasting is not supposed to be easy or routine. We’re atoning for our sins and we are to give up what we love in order to do so. Just as Jesus gave up being Jewish in order to start Christianity…or DID HE??? You’ll have to listen to my podcast, Toward a More Jewish Jesus, in order to find out!!”

Rabbi Dauermann is known throughout the Messianic community for his knowledge, his sarcasm, and the praise and worship songs he has written, that include lines like “I knew Jesus before he was a gentile.” We certainly wish him luck on cutting sarcasm out of his life for approximately 25 hours. Upon hearing the news of his upcoming fast, the trees of the field all clapped their hands.

Head of Jews for Judaism Accidentally Discovers the 53rd Chapter of Isaiah

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Los Angeles, CA – In a strange, turn of events this week, the President of Jews for Judaism, David Rifkind, has discovered Isaiah 53. Jews for Judaism, an anti-missionary organization that was named after Jews for Jesus, has been trying to steer Jews away from Yeshua since 1985.

Jews around the world read the same Torah (The first five books of the Old Testament) and Haftorah (the other books in the Old Testament) portions during the same week everywhere. However, they skip from Isaiah 52 right to Isaiah 54, ignoring Isaiah 53 altogether. Most Jews have never even read Isaiah 53, which talks about qualities of the coming Messiah.

“It’s really incredible,” said Rifkind, in a recent Facebook post. “All these years I’ve been telling people there’s no proof in the Tanakh (Old Testament) that Jesus is The Messiah and here it is, right in front of my schnoz! I didn’t even know there was an Isaiah 53! I thought it was like high rise buildings that don’t have a 13th floor…they just don’t have one and you don’t know why, but you don’t question it either. You just accept it and move on with your day. Oddly enough, I was reading my Tanakh this week while eating a greasy breakfast burrito and the book slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor, face up, opened to Isaiah 53. I couldn’t believe it! When I asked my wife about it she also had no idea there was a 53rd chapter of Isaiah! Like me, she also thought it was like the 13th floor of a high rise building. I immediately went to The Googles to see if anyone else knew there was an Isaiah 53. Sure enough, there are some people aware of Isaiah 53…my old nemeses Jews for Jesus, in fact. I stumbled upon this article that explains Isaiah 53 and now I need to quit my job. Oy gevalt! If anybody wants to hire a nice Jewish boy who is sometimes wrong, but now sees the truth, let me know!”

Rifkind has since left his job and is currently looking for a new career. He is in talks with Jews for Jesus to come on staff, which would make him a counter-counter-missionary.

Nate Benjamin Declared National Treasure, Asked to Tour With Hillsong United

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New York City, NY – The Contemporary Christian worship band, Hillsong United, announced a brand new upcoming tour with special guest Messianic recording artist, Nate Benjamin. The announcement comes just two months after the band released the album “Of Dirt and Grace: Live from the Land,” which was recorded live in Israel, leading Christian fans to wonder where the direction of the band is headed.

“We recently just found out that Jesus is actually Jewish,” said band member and lead Pastor of Hillsong NYC, Joel Houston. “If that’s the case, then His people should be our people and His traditions should be our traditions. Nate shows up to Hillsong NYC from time to time. We heard he has a ‘spiritual crush’ on us and that he’s a Messianic Jewish recording artist, which is cool. I looked him up and listened to his Sacrifice of Worship EP and it’s really tight. He has a great sound. Easy on the eyes too. In fact, I’d even venture to say he’s a national treasure. But then again, I’m from Australia, so what do I know? Anyway, we’re doing a tour of songs from ‘Dirt and Grace’ so having a Jewish person open for us on this tour is perfect. The whole tour is gonna be Jew stuff. I don’t really know what our fans are going to think of all this, but we’re not doing this for them; we’re doing this for Jesus. Yeshua. That’s his Hebrew name: Yeshua.”

The new tour which will be titled ‘Ruth and Boaz’ is set to launch sometime around Christmas, with stops across The U.S. and Canada. Please visit natebenjamin.com or hillsong.com/united for more information, as well as some amazing music.

Meme

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http://jesusisajew.org/Jesus_is_a_Jew.php

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say-jesus

Special Congregational Worship Night Turns Into Two Straight Hours of the Song “Good Good Father”

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Brooklyn, NY – A special congregational worship night at Beth Tikvah Messianic Congregation turned into an endless loop of “Good Good Father” after The Spirit moved the worship leaders around and around in a circle until they couldn’t spin anymore. Unsuspecting attending congregants kept waiting for the song to change and it never did.

“We’ve had this worship night planned for quite a while,” said worship leader, Sarah Levy. “Honestly, I had never even heard the song ‘Good Good Father’ before, and then my friend, Danielle Tokajer, told me her husband, Rabbi David Tokajer, sings the song in the shower every single day and that inspired me to listen to it. The song was just so magical. I got caught up in it and just couldn’t stop playing it. This song is really a blessing to everyone that hears it. I also know Joshua Aaron is working on a Hebrew translation and we can’t wait to be able to start using “Tov Tov Abba” as a tool to worship The Lord in addition to the English version.”

Levy says they plan on having these special worship nights periodically, especially with the release of her upcoming album “Good Good Album” which is due out sometime this fall. For samples of Sarah’s music and to tell her to stop singing this bloody awful overdone song, please visit www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

Meme

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Jewish or Christian

The struggle is real.

High School Student Comes to Faith After Finding Pokémon GO Gym at Local Messianic Congregation

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Prospect Heights, IL – 16 year old Jesse Hoffman wandered into a Pokémon GO Gym at Olive Tree Congregation in Prospect Heights, IL earlier this week and walked out with a new friend named Yeshua. The junior in high school says he was just trying to chase after a Charizard and wasn’t expecting to find The Messiah in the process.

Congregational Leader, Dan Strull, says, “Jesse came to Olive Tree to find a Char…what is it? Well anyway, he thought he was trying to win a game, but we are trying to win hearts for Yeshua and I think that’s what we have done here today. Honestly, I couldn’t even tell you what the game is about, I just know we have droves of high school and college kids coming to a building they wouldn’t normally enter and they’re leaving with a new fire in their hearts that you can’t put a price on.”

Many churches and Messianic congregations across the country are adding Pokémon GO gyms and Pokéstops as an outreach to attract non believers who wouldn’t feel like they had a reason to be there otherwise. Hoffman says it was a great idea, because he was able to get his Charizard, as well as a Snorlax, a bunch of free food, his first bible, and a T-shirt that says, “I went to the Olive Tree Congregation Pokémon GO Gym and all I got was SAVED!”

For more information on what Jesus would do with a Pikachu, please visit your local Messianic Pokéstop or contact info@ymja.org

Uber to Start Delivering Bibles

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San Francisco, CA – The taxi alternative company, Uber, announced this week it would start delivering bibles to Atheists during their lunch breaks from work. What started as a service to transport people, more recently began transporting puppies and pizza as well. Now in a partnership with Kirk Cameron and Gideons International, Uber will be able to bring scripture to those in need.

“We want to make sure that everyone knows we’re more than just a transportation company; we’re an innovative 21st century company for the people!” Uber CEO, Travis Kalanick, said in a recent interview. “People need a ride somewhere, but they also need puppies and food delivered to them. So we had to think, what else can we bring to our customers? Maybe something they didn’t even know they needed. And that’s when Kirk [Cameron] said we need to just throw bibles at people while they’re trying to eat lunch. The man is brilliant!”

Uber will begin delivering bibles on Monday, August 29th in the form of the NIV, the NKJV, and The Message, as well as the abbreviated pocket sized Gideon bibles that will include only the New Testament plus Proverbs and Psalms. Bibles will be available to order via the Uber app in addition to being dropped off for unsuspecting Atheists. When asked how he came up with the idea, Cameron stated, “One day I just had a revelation…”

Meme

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Gentiles Keep Torah

Romans 11:17