Tree of Life Version Bible Changes Name to The Real Complete Jewish Bible

Posted on August 30, 2016 by messianicmeow

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Rome, GA – Big news out of Rome, GA this week as The Messianic Jewish Family Bible Society announced this week that the Tree of Life Version Bible (TLV) would officially be changing its name to The Real Complete Jewish Bible (RCJB). Just three days after announcing the release of the new Tree of Life Family Bible, the new name change comes as sort of a shock, and also sort of not.

“As far as we know, we’re the first official Messianic Jewish translation of The Bible,” Daniah Greenberg, President and CEO of The Messianic Jewish Family Bible Society, said in an early Monday morning press conference. “Calling it the Tree of Life Version Bible doesn’t really tell people what our translation stands for, whereas ‘The Real Complete Jewish Bible’ lets everyone know…this is a Jewish translation. This is not a translation where The Messiah is called Jesus Christ and this is not a translation where 1st and 2nd Chronicles come before Isaiah. Besides, what is ‘TLV?’ That’s not a bible translation, that’s an airport code! RCJB will be much more widely recognized as a Messianic Jewish biblical translation than TLV is, though I can’t figure out why.”

The Messianic Jewish Family Bible Society plans to liquidate their inventory of bibles with the old name and start producing bibles with the new name in early 2017. For more information on how to purchase the TLV or the RCJB please visit treeoflifeversion.com or familybiblesociety.org

Exposé: Closet-Messianic Celebrities Outed by Big Mouthed Members of the Community

Posted on August 29, 2016 by messianicmeow

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Bob Dylan, Lynda Carter, Glen Campbell, Gabby Douglas, Justin Bieber. None of these people are actually Messianic…or are they??

The rumors have flown throughout the Messianic Movement for years. “So and so came to my congregation with their girlfriend, grandmother, etc.” “I met them!” “My cousin’s Father’s next door neighbor’s sister’s dog sat next to them at Shul.” Blah blah blah.

But what is the truth? The Messianic Meow investigates:

Wikipedia has confirmed that Glen Campbell considers himself to be Messianic.

Stacy Goebbel of Beth Messiah Columbus confirms that Gabby Douglas has been to her congregation on more than one occasion.

Googling Lynda Carter has confirmed that she attends or at least previously attended a Messianic Congregation at one point.

Justin Bieber has a tattoo in Hebrew that says “Yeshua,” but really, do we even want him?? 😛

And Bob Dylan…well, every single Baby Boomer Messianic has done drugs with Bob Dylan before they became a believer, including the late David Ben-Gurion. Or so they say.

Each of these celebrities probably just wants to be left alone to live their life, but will that happen? Well, my friends, they’ve chosen to be part of the wrong culture if they don’t want word to get around faster than Usain Bolt finds new Brazilian girlfriends.

Of course we’d love to claim them all as our own, but if they really wanted that, we wouldn’t have to dig. We’ve definitely got Shae Wilbur and Avi Kaplan of Pentatonix, so let’s worry about more important things, like what kind of spread will be at Oneg on Saturday.

Until next time, this has been The Messianic Meow Investigates.

Meme

Posted on August 29, 2016 by messianicmeow

Jewish or Christian

The struggle is real.

Messianic Times Introduces New Affiliate Web Site Yeshuaslist.org

Posted on August 28, 2016 by messianicmeow

Pensacola, FL – The Messianic Times had a special announcement this week as they prepare to release a new Messianic version of Craigslist. The classifieds web site is being rolled out just in time for the upcoming high holiday season, giving everyone a comprehensive list of all Messianic high holiday services nationwide.

“It’s necessary,” said Messianic Times Director, Rabbi Eric Tokajer. “People want to know what’s happening, not just in their own city, but in the greater Messianic community. What if someone wants to visit another city or even relocate? This will enable them to see what’s out there and maybe even find a new job, congregation, or a place to stay. Messianics want to connect with their friends across the globe and this is the most effective way to do that.”

The new web site will be set up similarly to Craigslist: it will be broken down by city/state, and it will have job postings, property rentals and sales, congregational events, and of course personals. While not every subcategory from Craigslist will appear on Yeshuaslist, such as “Casual Encounters,” Yeshuaslist will see new subcategories such as “Conference Crushes,” rendering the Twitter account Messianic_Crush obsolete.

Tokajer said that having this web site as its own entity and not just a page on messianictimes.com will garner more attention to both web sites, drawing a much larger audience to both mediums. Yeshuaslist.org will allow anyone to post ads and is expected to be a pillar in the realm of Messianic social networking. Sadly, the release date is still classified.

Meme

Chinese food on Christmas

Baruch HaShem Messianic Synagogue to Roll Out New Pumpkin Spice Communion Wafers

Posted on August 26, 2016 by messianicmeow

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Dallas, TX – It was announced this week that Baruch HaShem Messianic Synagogue in Dallas would be producing new pumpkin spice flavored communion wafers, just in time for the fall season. The new wafers don’t pair particularly well with grape juice, but they do pair well with current trends in the first world.

“We want to make sure we are keeping up with nationwide trends so that we can stay relevant,” said Rabbi Ari Waldman of Baruch HaShem. Waldman, who is currently pulling double duty as the South Central Messianic Chief Innovator of Relevance, as well as the head coach of The Dallas Brisket, said the idea came to him in a pumpkin spice latte induced dream late last year. “We don’t actually have fall weather here in Dallas, but we like to pretend that we do. The best way to do that is to just binge on pumpkin spice everything. Something about doing that just makes the air feel a little more crisp than the 75º that it normally is.”

The new communion wafers will be produced and distributed in conjunction with the Gateway Church Jewish Ministry and will be available starting Monday, August 29th via both Gateway Church and the Baruch HaShem Messianic Synagogue Judaica Shop. The wafers will be available both online and in person and can be purchased in bulk by any church or synagogue wanting to spice up their communion service. Literally.