When we chose the name “The Messianic Meow,” we did not anticipate the number of ‘Jewish cats’ that people would send us. Perhaps we should start posting them. Happy Chanukah from Meeko ben Sasha!
Category Archives: Jewish Culture
Sixth Night of Chanukah
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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.
Fifth Night of Chanukah
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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.
Fourth Night of Chanukah
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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.
Third Night of Chanukah
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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.
Second Night of Chanukah
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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.
First Night of Chanukah
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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this season.
Amen. Happy Chanukah from The Messianic Meow!
Messianic Jews Agree on One Thing: There’s No Right Way to Spell ‘Chanukah,’ But There is a Wrong Way
Shaker Heights, OH – After a recent blunder in the weekly congregational newsletter at Beth Sukkoth Messianic Synagogue, when Rabbi Brian Blacksmith accidentally made an announcement about their upcoming Hanukah [sic] Cookie Contest, congregants were sent into a panic at the addition of yet another spelling of the upcoming Jewish holiday.
“That is NOT how you spell Chanukah!” Elder Daniel Moss blurted out to the congregation, in disgust. “Look, I don’t care how you choose to spell ‘Chanukah,’ as long as you choose between the eight different spellings already in existence. Adding another one is just completely uncalled for. Like we, as Messianic Jews, aren’t famisht enough as it is, now you have to throw another log on the fire. Oy gevalt!”
A second Elder then stood up at threatened to replace Rabbi Blacksmith if he did not redact the new spelling of Chanukah. “All due respect, Rabbi Blacksmith, this is unacceptable. We, as a congregation, do not accept your new spelling of a classic word. What right have you to change a time old tradition? We will not stand for it. We demand you change it at once, lest ye be replaced by Assistant Rabbi Feigenbaum!”
Sadly, Rabbi Blacksmith had no ill intention and simply just did not spell check his newsletter before it went to press. The moral of the story: always use spell check or have a willing congregant, who has volunteered many many times, to check your work for you.
Happy almost Chanukah/Hanukkah/Chanukkah/Channukah/Hannukah/Hannukkah!
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Messianic Jewish Rabbinical Council Encouraging Anyone Involved in the Messianic Movement to Convert to PDF
West Haven, CT – The Messianic Jewish Rabbinical Council issued a statement this week encouraging anyone involved in the Messianic Movement to convert to PDF. The announcement came shortly after the great MJRC Microsoft Word Disaster of ’16, in which Rabbi Stuart Dauermann had one of his files hacked and changed to make it look like he actually has no sense of humor.
The statement was released by MJRC Executive Director, Rabbi Tony Eaton via an e-mail blast. The statement read as such:
“Dear Messianic Jews:
Due to a recent issue in which Rabbi Dr. Stuart Dauermann’s Microsoft Word files were hacked and made to look like he had no sense of humor, we are now encouraging all Messianic Jews and non-Jews to convert to PDF. Converting to PDF is an incredibly important practice to have as part of your life and also shows that you are serious about your commitment to your documents. Converting to PDF makes your documents official, and much less likely to be tampered with, should they fall into the wrong hands. Please take the time to pray about automatically converting all of your documents to PDF, so as to protect your precious documents that are a gift from Adonai. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Tony Eaton”
At the advisement of the MJRC, there is expected to be a rise in Messianics converting to PDF, which is previously unheard of within Messianic Judaism. If you’d like more information about the MRJC conversion to PDF process please visit www.ourrabbis.org
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Jew With No Allergies Seized by Government
Washington DC – 23 year old Alison Goldbloom of Alexandria, VA was seized by the United States Government, early Tuesday, after it was found out she has eight Jewish Great Grandparents and zero allergies. Goldbloom has no food or environmental allergies, making her the subject of a widespread panic among the Food and Drug Administration. Ashkenazi Jews are notorious for having multiple allergies, so to find one without any is cause for alarm.
“Ms. Goldbloom has exhibited signs of a super human, or perhaps, alien race,” Michael Johnson, a scientist with the FDA, explained in a press conference. “We’ve run extensive tests on her and she has not reacted to any of the hundreds of allergens we’ve pumped into her system. It’s quite remarkable, really, especially after we’ve run DNA tests on her and she has not a drop of gentile blood in her system. We’ve never seen anything like this, and, frankly, we’re a little concerned that we have been invaded by aliens. Ms. Goldbloom, sadly, will not live to see her 24th birthday, but she will die in the name of science! This is for the good of the human race. However, if anybody from her home planet would care to save her, we will gladly trade you Walt Disney’s frozen body, and a lifetime supply of McDonald’s Big Macs, for the secret to, what is clearly, immortality.”
While no official decision has been made yet on how or when Goldbloom will be ‘sacrificed in the name of science,’ The FDA is expecting to arrange to take care of that before the holidays, in the hopes that whoever claims Goldbloom as their own will want to come back for her before Chanukah. A petition has been started to spare the young Jewish woman, who was most likely just born with an abnormality in her genes. The petition can be found at www.change.org/p/alison-goldbloom-save-poor-jewish-girl-with-no-allergies
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