Category Archives: Gluten Free

Modern Yiddish Fairy Tales: Golde Lox and the Three Shmears

Posted on by

rainbow-bagels-are-amazing-640x534

Once upon a time there was a little Jewish girl named Golde Lox that lived in Brooklyn. Like every normal Jewish person of any age, Golde Lox loved to eat. One day Golde Lox got very hungry and there was no leftover Chinese food in the fridge, so she hopped on the F Train to go off in search of food. After getting off at the 7th Ave Station, she found three adjacent bagel shops. Of course she did, this is Brooklyn, after all.

The first bagel shop, Feigel’s Bagels, was your average, run of the mill bagel shop. Golde purchased a bagel and shmear, but the bagel was entirely too soft. “Feh!” She thought. “How can they possibly think these goyshe bagels could pass? Especially in this neighborhood. What do they take me for, a shiksa? May as well go to Stop & Shop and buy a bag of Lender’s.” So she threw the bagel on the ground for some pigeons to eat and moved on to the second shop, which was called “What Does the Lox Say?”

What Does the Lox Say? was running a special on trendy rainbow bagels, so Golde purchased a rainbow bagel with a shmear, but it was hard as a rock. “Uch!” She groaned. “What is this dreck?! This feels like a foul ball from a Mets game. I could chip my tooth on this…what are these shmendriks thinking?!” So Golde stormed out, but pocketed the overly hard bagel to throw at her conference crush’s window at a later date, to get his attention.

The third shop Golde found was called “Nes Good Dough Haya Po” and was also having a special on rainbow bagels. In addition, they carried Gluten-free, organic, and non GMO bagels too. Golde opted for an organic rainbow multi-grain bagel with a strawberry shmear, and checked in on Facebook to receive 10% off her order, which was still $5, even after the discount. “$5 for a bagel and a shmear?! I thought this was a bagel shop, not the Dominique Ansel Kitchen! I’m starving and just want a farkakta bagel. Oy gevalt with this city!” Nevertheless, she ate the bagel and then shrieked with glee; it was not too hard, not too soft, but just right. Like a good Jewish bagel should be.

Golde hopped back on the F train to head home, her stomach and heart full; her pockets, not so much. She went to sleep and dreamed of the organic rainbow multi-grain bagel with a strawberry shmear, and the aptly named bagel shop on 7th ave. A good dough miracle truly did happen there.

And she lived jappily ever after.

The end.

Beth Messiah Cincinnati to Hold First Ever Gluten Free Tashlikh Service

Posted on by

unknown

Cincinnati, OH – Beth Messiah Messianic Synagogue will be holding the first ever official Gluten Free Tashlikh service this year. Tashlikh, the ceremony of using pieces of bread to cast your sins into a body of water, is performed either on Rosh Hashanah or between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Typically congregations will head immediately after the Shacharit (morning) service on Rosh Hashanah to a nearby body of water and perform this ceremony as a group. Bread is supplied, usually leaving out those who can’t or choose not to have gluten.

“We want to make sure we’re catering to everyone’s dietary restrictions,” says Youth Director, Danielah Blackburn, “but we also want to make sure we’re staying on top of trends. Right now, there is nothing trendier than being Gluten Free. Having a Gluten Free Tashlikh service will kill both of those birds with one roll. Normally our Tashlikh service is full of gluten, but now we have two options, so nobody will feel crumby if they can’t touch gluten. Our bodies actually absorb 60 percent of what our skin touches, so anyone with Celiac Disease can’t actually cast their sins away using regular bread. And that’s not fair; people with Celiac Disease should also get a chance to be inscribed in The Book of Life.”

The new Gluten Free Tashlikh service will be held on Monday, October 2, 2016 at 3pm, immediately following the Rosh Hashanah Shacharit service. Blackburn, who is Gluten Free herself, hopes other congregations will follow suit in the future, as Celiac Disease and wheat allergies are so prevalent in Jewish heritage. The new services give Beth Messiah a leg up on fresh ideas, rather than ideas that have been sitting around, never used, and have gone stale. If you would like to participate the Gluten Free service, please talk to Danielah for more information.