Eighth Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this season.

Seventh Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
 
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
 
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
 
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
 
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

Meeko ben Sasha

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When we chose the name “The Messianic Meow,” we did not anticipate the number of ‘Jewish cats’ that people would send us. Perhaps we should start posting them. Happy Chanukah from Meeko ben Sasha!

Sixth Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

MJAA Will Only Renew Your Membership in 2017 if You Type “Amen” and Share Their Facebook Post

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Springfield, PA – The Messianic Jewish Alliance of America announced, this week, a change in policy for renewing membership for 2017. In the past you were able to just fill out a short form, pay the annual membership fee, and be on your merry way. But it’s a new day and The MJAA likes to stay on top of social media trends. Membership renewal will be no exception to this.

“Most organizations will up the membership fee every now and again, in order to keep up with inflation,” explained MJAA Treasurer, Rabbi Eric Lakatos. “In lieu of raising the fee, we opted to offset the cost by ensuring that all MJAA members are serious about being part of our organization. The way we do this is simple; in early 2017 we will be posting on Facebook about our membership fees staying the same price. If you’d like to renew your membership for 2017 you must do three things: 1) You must like our Facebook page 2) You must type ‘Amen’ on the post about membership 3) You must share our post with all of your friends. We are keeping track of who is following directions and your membership will not be renewed if you do not complete these steps, which will force you to pay full price for all your stays at The Rosen.”

MJAA membership is expected to drop greatly in 2017 due to people who do not follow these directions, as well as those rare few who are not on Facebook. For more information about MJAA membership you may visit http://mjaa.org/membership/

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Fifth Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
 
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
 
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
 
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
 
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

Local Jewish Couple Accidentally Buys Gym Membership From the YMJA

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Ft. Lauderdale, FL – A South Florida couple has accidentally purchased a gym membership from the Young Messianic Jewish Alliance of America. While searching for local YMCAs in their area, the couple accidentally stumbled upon the YMJA website.

The couple claims that after going onto the YMJA website, they were immediately drawn to choosing this location as their new gym, because of the effective marketing campaign put in place by the YMJA.

Sandy Rosenplaza had this to say on the matter: “The entire YMJA website was filled with slogans talking about ‘challenging young people’ and ‘getting involved, excited, and revived,’ which really caught our attention initially.” However, Sandy’s husband, Harold, claims that, “What really sealed the deal was the one-time only down payment of just $10.00 for a year-long membership!”

The YMJA, on the other hand, had a very interesting perspective on the mix up. A spokesperson for the YMJA claims that this is how the real story went: “The Rosenplazas reached out to us and inquired about our workout plans, and we told them that the YMJA and MJAA are always looking for opportunities to sit down with the greater Jewish community to work out our theological differences! However, we were a little confused as to why they were so adamant about paying us $10.00 for a membership, when they are clearly past the age of 30…”

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Fourth Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.

FAQs for Female Millennials on Their First Day of a Messianic Conference

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FAQs

Q. Hi! How are you?

A. To be honest, I woke up at 4:00 this morning, took a bumpy flight next to someone who really should have booked two seats for himself, and then drove here in a car that was packed jam tight with my family’s luggage, all without having one sip of coffee. And now here I am, and I know I’ve seen your face somewhere, probably praying for someone outside the marketplace, but I cannot, for the life of me, remember your name. But anyways, I’m good.

Q. What’s new with you?

A. LITERALLY nothing. School is school. Dating life is dating life. The newest thing to happen to me are these shoes I’m currently wearing that my Grandma bought for me two Chanukahs ago. But I sense that you’re going to continue with these questions anyways, so- annnnd commence the small talk.

Q. Are you in school?

A. Yes, I am. Not in your state. And, yes, it is a public institution, but please don’t fret, Mr. FamiliarFace; I have grown up in this movement and I know better.

Q. What’s your major?

A. LOL. Right now I’m liberal arts, but actually hoping God reveals to me my higher purpose and calling at this conference, and then all my worries can go away.

Q. Have you ever thought about relocating to my city? Beautiful weather, wonderful congregation, lots of single millennials!

A. No, because, frankly, I have no clue where you live and I’m already settled and you did NOT just call me a millennial…

Q. Are you dating anyone?

A. HAHAHAHAHA the only boy who likes me is my dog, who is in a kennel right now, probably flirting with other female dogs. So, in conclusion, I’m not looking for anything serious right now.

Q. Remind me to introduce you to my son this week. It’s his first conference.

A. Please tell me what makes you think I want to meet your son? And why are you acting like I’m here because I was hired as a tour guide for the conference?

Q. He lives only 9 hours from you…

A. Acting like I got a deal with Exxon for free gas for the rest of my life.

Q. Does a 14-year age difference bother you?

A. Hmm, lets do the math: 14 years ago I was starting Kindergarten and your son was starting his private practice.

Q. Are you familiar with risk management?

A. Risk WHOOO???

Q. Well, maybe you guys will meet up at dinner or something.

A. OK you are spending way too much time talking about your son whom I didn’t even know existed until this second.

Q. Well, hey it was good seeing you. I’ll be sure to attend your Rabbi’s message tomorrow morning. Are you going?

A. How do you even know what congregation I attend? Have we been introduced before?

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Third Night of Chanukah

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Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vitzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to kindle the light of Chanukah.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she’asah nissim la’avoteinu, bayamim hahem, ba-zeman hazzeh.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our fathers in those days at this time.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam she-heckiyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazzeh.