Once upon a time there were three Kosher pigs: Tekiah, Shevarim, and Teruah. You may ask yourself how pigs could be Kosher; well they are grafted into the olive tree, so just deal with it, okay? Tekiah, Shevarim, and Teruah were very excited to celebrate their first Sukkot. So excited, in fact, that they each chose to build their very own Sukkah!
The first pig, Tekiah, built his entire Sukkah out of straw, and not just the sechach (roof). Tekiah was kvelling over the first Sukkah he ever made, when a Cantor from a local Synagogue, Pinchas Wolf, came by to inspect the structure.
“You call this a Sukkah?” Wolf scoffed. This Sukkah wouldn’t last one day in the wind and rain. How do you expect it to withstand all seven days of Sukkot? This is why PIGS should not be allowed to build Sukkahs. You have no idea what you’re doing or why.”
“This is my first Sukkah,” Tekiah replied. But Adonai commands us to build a Sukkah every year.”
“No,” Wolf retorted. “Adonai commands JEWS to build Sukkahs. YOU are NOT Jewish. You are a PIG. Shouldn’t you be more concerned with Christmas trees and Easter baskets?”
“I may be a pig on the outside, but on the inside I have a Jewish heart,” Tekiah declared. “Yeshua made me Kosher.”
“Jewish heart shmewish heart,” Wolf replied. You’re a pig, and you believe in Yeshua and you expect me to consider you Jewish when you haven’t even converted? If you were REALLY a Jew, your Sukkah wouldn’t be the chaserai that it is. If you were REALLY a Jew, it would stand against the wind. I’m going to huff and puff and blow your Sukkah down and then we’ll see who is really a Jew.”
And Pinchas Wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew poor Tekiah’s Sukkah down. And he laughed as Tekiah cried and ran to the comfort of his brother, Shevarim.
Now Shevarim had chosen to fashion his Sukkah out of sticks. After hearing of Tekiah’s experience with Wolf, Shevarim was certain he had made the right choice. Tekiah helped Shevarim decorate his Sukkah with gourds, fruit, and paper chains hanging from the sechach.
“This Sukkah is shayna,” Tekiah told his brother. “My Sukkah was ongepotchket and could not even withstand being breathed on, there is no way it could have lasted all seven days of Sukkot. Maybe Wolf was right. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a Jew.”
“Don’t be silly,” Shevarim reassured his brother. “You have a Jewish heart and so do I. Forget about Wolf’s opinion. We will celebrate Sukkot together as brothers.”
Just then, Pinchas Wolf came by to torment the brothers.
“Well well well, what do we have here? Yet another sorry excuse for a Sukkah!” Wolf taunted. “Your brother’s Sukkah wouldn’t stand and neither will yours. You’re just a PIG. You have no right to build a Sukkah, a tradition of MY people.”
“I have a Jewish heart,” Shevarim stated. “Yeshua made me Kosher and I have every right to build a Sukkah and take part in God’s appointed times.”
“Jewish heart shmewish heart,” Wolf replied. “If you were REALLY Jewish you could build a Sukkah that would last through the wind and rain of all seven days of Sukkot. I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your Sukkah down. Then we’ll see who is really a Jew.”
And Pinchas Wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew poor Shevarim’s Sukkah down. And he laughed as Tekiah and Shevarim ran to the comfort of their brother, Teruah.
Now, unlike his brothers, Teruah had made a trip to a nearby Judaica shop and purchased a Sukkah kit, which required no skill or expertise to construct, and was suitable for all of God’s creations.
“This Sukkah is shayna,” Tekiah and Shevarim told their brother. “Our Sukkahs were ongepotchket and could not even withstand being breathed on, there is no way they could have withstood all seven days of Sukkot. Maybe Wolf was right. Maybe we are not cut out to be Jews.”
“Don’t be silly,” Teruah reassured his brothers. “You both have Jewish hearts and so do I. Forget about Wolf’s opinion. We will all celebrate Sukkot together as brothers.”
Just then Pinchas Wolf came by to torment the brothers.
“Well well well, what do we have here? An even SORRIER excuse than the other two Sukkahs!” Wolf taunted. Haven’t you PIGS learned your lesson by now? The first two Sukkahs wouldn’t stand and neither will this one. You have no right to build a Sukkah, so how could it last? Go get your own traditions and leave Sukkah building to the Jews.”
“I have a Jewish heart,” Teruah stated. “Yeshua made me Kosher and I have every right to build a Sukkah and take part in God’s appointed times.”
“Jewish heart shmewish heart,” Wolf replied. “If you were REALLY Jewish you could build a Sukkah that would last through the wind and rain of all seven days of Sukkot. I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your Sukkah down. Then we’ll see who is really a Jew.”
And Pinchas Wolf huffed and he puffed…and the Sukkah did not budge. A little famisht, he dusted himself off, and tried again. And Pinchas Wolf huffed and he puffed…and the Sukkah did not budge.
“Oy!” said Wolf. “My lungs are a little tired from already blowing down two Sukkahs today.” So he caught his breath, dusted himself off, and tried again. And Pinchas Wolf huffed and he puffed…and still the Sukkah did not budge.
“Your Sukkah is still standing. What is different about this Sukkah than the other two?”
“Well,” said Teruah. “I was nervous about my first Sukkah. I let people like you convince me that a pig could not build a proper Sukkah. So I prayed for Yeshua to guide me in the right direction and He led me to my local Judaica shop. They had these Sukkah kits that required no skill or expertise to construct and are suitable for all of God’s creations. I knew if I used the Sukkah kit Yeshua led me to, it would stay standing during all seven days of Sukkot, even enduring wind and rain.”
“Yeshua helped you build a proper Sukkah?” Wolf asked.
“Of course,” Teruah replied. “Yeshua is Jewish afterall!”
“He is?” Wolf asked, surprised. “I always thought He was Catholic.”
“Yeshua is Jewish!” Exclaimed all three brothers, excitedly. “He came first for the Jew and then to the nations!”
Then Tekiah, Shevarim, and Teruah invited Pinchas Wolf to have dinner with them in their Sukkah and have a conversation about Yeshua and how He came to save the Jews, even when they aren’t very nice to their neighbors whose hearts are in the right place, though they may not be the best at Sukkah construction and maybe they weren’t born Jewish, but they still have Jewish hearts and that’s what matters.
And they all lived happily ever after, because Yeshua saved them and gave them new hearts, even if they did not deserve them, for it is by grace they have been saved.
The end.
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Yall are the best! I am downloading this for my children in case I ever have any. I laughed repeatedly in the course of perusing this prodigious manuscript.
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