Category Archives: Common Core Math

Counting the Omer Darn Near Impossible for Today’s American Children, Thanks to Common Core Math

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Hercules Counting

Murca — Today is the 43rd day of the Omer, a Jewish tradition that counts 50 days from Passover to Shavuot, as instructed by God in Leviticus 23:15-17. Shavuot is the day The Torah was given to the Jews. It was also the day The Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) descended, and is widely known as “Pentecost” in Christian circles. While counting 50 days was once a simple task, it has since become nearly impossible for today’s American children, thanks to Common Core Math.

“My kids have run into all sorts of issues with this cockamamie Common Core Math,” says Sharon Levin, parent, “but I never expected it would affect our Jewish traditions; especially something as simple as counting. At least, I thought it was simple. It’s just really a shame what is happening to the education system in this country. If things don’t change, my children will never be able to count The Omer, count their blessings, or even count chocula. Thanks, Common Core Math. Thanks, Obama! Wait, is that still a thing?”

For those of us who did not grow up with Common Core Math, we can still count The Omer and can expect big blessings this coming Shavuot. As for the rest of you, you will probably still be blessed, but you won’t even see it coming. At least, I wouldn’t count on it.

 

 

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United States to Switch to Biblical Measuring System

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camel-1348472_640

Washington DC – The United States Department of Education announced this week it would be changing their current measuring system, in order to keep up with the demands of what other countries want for them.

At present time, The U.S. is the only industrialized country that does not use the metric system. For years other countries have been asking that they change their measuring system to make it less frustrating for travelers. In an effort to comply, and also to prove that The U.S. is above all other countries, Secretary of Education, John King Jr, said their current measuring system will soon be replaced by something that is a little more established, opting for a system of biblical proportions. Schools will begin teaching the new biblical measuring system to kindergartners, starting with the 2016-2017 school year.

The inch, the foot, the yard, and the mile will soon be replaced with the cubit, the epha, the furlong, and the camel nap. The new units of measurement should be the perfect companions for common core math.