“Being Jewish During Christmastime” Now a Factor on Childhood Trauma Test

San Diego, CA — The developers of the Adverse Childhood Experiences Test announced an amendment to their previous version of the test, in recognition of extra trauma that Jewish children experience that Gentiles don’t. While some may find this change extreme and inappropriate, others are grateful for the solidarity.

A TikTok video by Leah Mendelbaum @MendelBread53 in response to the new change, stated the follow: “Historically, Jews have experienced a lot of trauma as a people. When you realize that Santa Claus is antisemitic and refuses to visit Jewish children, you understand there’s a lot more to it than our people being slaughtered and hunted. It’s nearly impossible to have a normal childhood as a Jewish child in a Gentile world, when all your neighbors, your school mates, your co-workers, etc have these joyous celebrations with lots of colorful lights, trees, and presents, and you’re getting socks. I grew up with a chimney in my house, and still nothing. Even if I attend a work Christmas party, now, as an adult, it’s still triggering to me, because I remember the feeling of being left out as a kid. It’s just nice to finally have the recognition, especially when it feels like the whole world is against us.”

The previous categories of childhood trauma include physical, emotional, and sexual abuse or neglect, exposure to violence, household substance abuse, parental divorce or incarceration, and household mental illness. Trauma comes in all forms, and feeling left out during Christmas is an obvious choice to add, as it fits right in, even when you don’t.

Take the ACE Test here

Did Chocolate Advent Calendars Come From Jesus? The Answer May Surprise You

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Nope.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Admits to Being Jewish

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North Pole — Unexpected news out of Santa’s Village this week, as his odd-man-out reindeer, Rudolph, announced he is actually Jewish. Despite working for the King of the Gentiles, our beloved red-nosed friend revealed he is actually a member of the tribe. While this comes as a surprise for most, we really should have known all along.

“I didn’t think it was a secret,” Rudolph said in a recent press conference.” The other reindeer were always making fun of my nose, and my last name’s Rudolph, for gosh sakes. Wait, wait…you didn’t actually think the reindeer went by our FIRST names, did you? You actually thought someone would name their child Blizten or Dasher??? We weren’t born in 2018 where the millennials name their kids Abcde. No, my name is Jacob Rudolph. Yeah…see, now it’s not really a shock anymore, is it?”

Some may wonder why Jews would move to the North Pole when they would be in the minority there. Rudolph said his Father was hired by Santa to be his personal combined Lawyer, Accountant, and Doctor when Rudolph was a child; an offer his Father could not refuse. The salary was guaranteed to put food on the table and keep Rudolph’s nose lit for his entire life. Yes, it was tough for the Rudolphs to be the only Jewish family around, but it was worth it just for the endless supply of milk and cookies the family would receive as a thank you from Mr. Claus himself. 

Rudolph said his family was even able to introduce Jewish culture to the Claus family, and Santa enjoyed celebrating Shabbat, and all the other holidays that involve food. Rudolph’s Father also gave Santa some Yiddish lessons. Rudolph said one of his favorite childhood memories was his Father explaining the word “Nudnik” to Claus by telling him not to be a ‘Naked Santa Claus’…a ‘Nude Nick,’ as in St. Nick.

 

 

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