Category Archives: Antisemitism

“Being Jewish During Christmastime” Now a Factor on Childhood Trauma Test

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San Diego, CA — The developers of the Adverse Childhood Experiences Test announced an amendment to their previous version of the test, in recognition of extra trauma that Jewish children experience that Gentiles don’t. While some may find this change extreme and inappropriate, others are grateful for the solidarity.

A TikTok video by Leah Mendelbaum @MendelBread53 in response to the new change, stated the follow: “Historically, Jews have experienced a lot of trauma as a people. When you realize that Santa Claus is antisemitic and refuses to visit Jewish children, you understand there’s a lot more to it than our people being slaughtered and hunted. It’s nearly impossible to have a normal childhood as a Jewish child in a Gentile world, when all your neighbors, your school mates, your co-workers, etc have these joyous celebrations with lots of colorful lights, trees, and presents, and you’re getting socks. I grew up with a chimney in my house, and still nothing. Even if I attend a work Christmas party, now, as an adult, it’s still triggering to me, because I remember the feeling of being left out as a kid. It’s just nice to finally have the recognition, especially when it feels like the whole world is against us.”

The previous categories of childhood trauma include physical, emotional, and sexual abuse or neglect, exposure to violence, household substance abuse, parental divorce or incarceration, and household mental illness. Trauma comes in all forms, and feeling left out during Christmas is an obvious choice to add, as it fits right in, even when you don’t.

Take the ACE Test here

Apple in Hot Water Over Hamas Emoji

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Cupertino, CA —- Technology giant, Apple, Inc, has come under fire this week, after its alleged ninja emoji is said to appear to look like a member of the Palestinian terror group, Hamas. With the war at hand, and an unprecedented rise in global antisemitism, it’s now more important than ever for Apple to make sure they’re not alienating any of their customers.

In the past, Apple has made changes to its emoji catalogue after public outcry, including redesigning the handgun to look like a squirt gun, and adding a pregnant man. A petition to remove the Hamas doppelgänger is available on change.org and has over two million signatures. At press time, Apple could not be reached for comment.

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Popular Texas Grocery Chain H-E-B Changes Name to P-A-L After Global Rise in Antisemitism

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San Antonio, TX — A local supermarket chain, now previously known as H-E-B, announced tonight they are changing their name, after a recent rise in antisemitism has caused some negative responses to their well known brand. H-E-B’s Public Relations Representative, Peter McPeterson, gave a press conference tonight on the matter.

“For many years, H-E-B has been confused as a Jewish company, as people think the name is pronounced ‘Heeb,’ short for ‘Hebrew.’ After the events of the past month, tonight, I can say, with absolutely no hesitation whatsoever, that we are distancing ourselves from the Hebrews, which is why we have decided to change our name to P-A-L. This doesn’t stand for anything, it just means we are your pal. Unless you’re Jewish, of course. Then we are not your pal. You can go shop at Trader Jew’s. Subsequently, our mascot’s name will also be changing from H-E-Buddy to H-E-Pal, because he is also your pal. Yes that’s what the new name means. We are pals.”

McPeterson said the name change will be effective immediately, with store signage modifications and re-branding happening throughout the week. Gift cards and rewards will still be accepted. A 23 and Me DNA test will be given at the door for anyone wishing to shop there.