St. Paul, MN — A student at Bethel University in Minnesota is in trouble this week, after turning in a report on The Gospel of Matthew that was written based on a dramatized TV show, instead of The Bible. Student, Kade Poncerotti, turned in his paper, thinking he was slick, and was caught red handed.

“I’m absolutely appalled,” Professor Lila Quarter wrote in a letter to the student’s parents. “I saw this all the time when I taught at a secular university, but I never, in a million years, expected to see this happen at a Bible college. Then again, there weren’t any TV shows about Jesus up until now, and the movies about Him…well, I won’t comment on them. Anyway, I knew Kade had written his paper about The Chosen when he went on a tangent about how Simon Peter’s wife, Eden, should leave him for another man, because she’s too good for him. If Kade would like to continue his Biblical studies, he is going to have to figure out how to actually read The Bible instead of assuming a TV show is the same thing. It’s not. I don’t give my students stickers for their sticker chart unless they actually complete their assignment, and, right now, Kade’s sticker chart is empty.”

At press time, Kade Poncerotti has stopped showing up to class or communicating with Professor Quarter. Please note that The Chosen is not a replacement for reading The Gospels in The Bible. Unless, of course, you use The MSG translation, in which case, you may as well just take The Chosen as Bible.

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